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nutherjrfan
nutherjrfan SuperDork
5/20/18 4:55 a.m.

I think the answer is...................................

Nick Comstock
Nick Comstock MegaDork
5/20/18 6:47 a.m.
snailmont5oh said:

I realize that I'm late to the party here, but I would have never married my wife had she said, "It's me or the car," just like, "It's me or the dog/cat," unless she's allergic. 

It would have come down to a matter of respecting the other person's personality and identity. For the record, if there was anything that I thought I needed to say that over. I would have just walked away, because who am I to change someone?

We've been married 14 years and our son is ten years old. She never had a problem with my cars early on. It never was an issue. We've been together for a long time and it's a much more difficult decision to just walk away from that especially with a kid who wouldn't understand why I chose cars over my family.

None of it matters now though because life changes and I simply don't have the money to play with cars anymore. 

TJL
TJL New Reader
5/20/18 6:55 a.m.

I get some of it now with a kid. My son is almost 3 and i VOLUNTARILY skip garage time and project time to spend my time with him. My wife encourages me to go work on stuff, but my son is growing up so fast i hate giving up any time with him. BUT, prior to our son, i did pretty much what i wanted for projects and garage time. My wife does not “get” much of it, but she knows i like it and as i have put it, other guys are at the bar, the club, the “game”, ect. I dont drink, party,  nor do i give a crap about sports. I like to stay home and work on stuff. If at any time my wife told me to sell my boat, “extra” vehicles, guns, projects or anything else, id laugh in her face. I dont tell her what she can/cant do and shes not telling me. Its respect i guess. Maybe it helps that we were 30+ years old when we got together and both knew what we wanted after numerous failed relationships and lots of growing.  Also after hearing the complaints of others around us, we have 3 bank accounts. My check goes to mine, hers to her account, and we have a 3rd “family”/joint expense account.  I buy whatever its from my account, not effecting the “family”. She wants to buy a expensive purse or something, thats her $, not family.  Usually im buying her the nice purse as a random gift. 

Just based on the info you provided, i dont see things ending well. Ive seen it a few times and im watching a family member doing it now. His wife(stay at home mom)wears the pants while he makes good money(engineer) and she tells him he cant spend $ on things to have fun with. She is unhappy with how her life has turned out, so hes gotta be unhappy too. It wont end well unless she changes. 

Ive said it before when i see people really struggling in a relationship, if you gotta put THAT much effort into it, it maybe isnt meant to be. Not trying to be insulting at all or poop on your situation, but lifes too short to be unhappy. Hope things work out for the best. 

 

Any chance of seeing a counselor or therapist? May be a big help. 

Nick Comstock
Nick Comstock MegaDork
5/20/18 9:39 a.m.

In reply to TJL :

Our marriage is in very strong place right now. It hasn't always been, but I think we are stronger now than we have ever been. 

I'd still love to go autocross again or finally try my hand at rally cross but it's just not feasible now. Maybe one day I will be able to again.

egnorant
egnorant SuperDork
5/20/18 10:21 p.m.

Despite my feeble attempts at throwing humor into this, I have always been rooting for a good outcome. I saw this as a rather sudden shift in priorities that can be brutal. After 5 years you are actually a different person. It is just the way life works.

 

Good on ya' and keep on with the smart choices.

 

Bruce

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ UltraDork
5/21/18 6:46 a.m.

In reply to Nick Comstock :

If you've got the time and ambition, I could give you a free "build your own crappy Merkur rallycrosser" kit.  The parts car has a clean title, lots of rust, and I'd throw in plenty of pre-bent suspension pieces (for rally legitness!), bald rally tires, a blown engine, a tired welded diff... I'm not making this sound appealing am I? cheeky

Nick Comstock
Nick Comstock MegaDork
5/21/18 6:53 a.m.
egnorant said:

Despite my feeble attempts at throwing humor into this, I have always been rooting for a good outcome. I saw this as a rather sudden shift in priorities that can be brutal. After 5 years you are actually a different person. It is just the way life works.

 

Good on ya' and keep on with the smart choices.

 

Bruce

I think you may be the only one who took this thread they way I actually intended it to go. It seems most people focused on things that weren't the focus of my original reason for starting this thread. It certainly wasn't to bash my wife.  It always shocked me to see this thing brought back to the top, but I think it's good to go back and reflect on his things happened and my mindset at the time. So thank you for not forgetting about it.

yupididit
yupididit SuperDork
5/21/18 7:21 a.m.

In reply to nutherjrfan :

I'd love to hear your views on various other social constructs. 

yupididit
yupididit SuperDork
5/21/18 7:22 a.m.
Nick Comstock said:

In reply to TJL :

Our marriage is in very strong place right now. It hasn't always been, but I think we are stronger now than we have ever been. 

 

 

If that's the case then maybe that 5 year plan worked out for the best! Good on you. 

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