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92CelicaHalfTrac
92CelicaHalfTrac SuperDork
9/9/11 11:51 a.m.

Stupid thread, i know....

But i'm soon to be 26, and i still can't grow a beard.

I would like a beard. Not a thick long beard... but a short beard-thing.

Like this, but without the rest of his ermmm... "look."

Tips or tricks? I'm 2 weeks deep right now and i'm severely lacking and patching. How do i make this E36 M3 grow in thicker?

Off the wall suggestions welcome. (Take this pill, it'll work! It'll make your hootus bigger, too!)

pinchvalve
pinchvalve SuperDork
9/9/11 11:52 a.m.

There are plenty of other ways to look like a gay pirate, don't sweat the beard.

92CelicaHalfTrac
92CelicaHalfTrac SuperDork
9/9/11 11:53 a.m.
pinchvalve wrote: There are plenty of other ways to look like a gay pirate, don't sweat the beard.

Whoa whoa there... i said WITHOUT the rest of the look that went with. I just want that kind of beard to go with my othrewise relatively "normal-looking" visage.

tuna55
tuna55 SuperDork
9/9/11 11:59 a.m.

Paint it on with a sharpie. It will also make your hootus bigger.

ST_ZX2
ST_ZX2 Reader
9/9/11 12:01 p.m.

Use Rogaine as cologne.

Javelin
Javelin SuperDork
9/9/11 12:02 p.m.

Be a manly man by watching football, drinking real beer, driving a V8 with open headers, and eating raw cow.

Either that or you can glue on my beard. I can grow one in 3 days, so I can send you fresh supplies. Say $10 a week?

wlkelley3
wlkelley3 Dork
9/9/11 12:03 p.m.

Stop shaving.
Seiously though. I've never had that problem, had a full beard an age 15. In fact, the top of my head is the only place I don't have hair and it's been that way since I was in my mid-20's. Had a receding hairline at age 18. But been told that if you shave more often the beard will come in faster. I would think that would only apply to how fast it would grow not filling in the patchy areas. You may just be one of those that can't grow a full beard. Sometimes I wish mine wasn't so thick. Wouldn't recommend using hair growth products designed for the head on your face as it might cause irritation/rash. Saw a guy use Nair on his face once, he had a painfull rash for a month.

slefain
slefain SuperDork
9/9/11 12:07 p.m.

Shave every day for a long time, then stop. Pretty much how I did it. I shaved every day til I was 26, then decided to grow a beard. Poof! There it was in 2 weeks. The "man it itches" stage was lousy, but once you get past it you are good.

I just wanted an excuse to post this:

http://dadsaretheoriginalhipster.tumblr.com/post/3168331452/your-dad-had-a-beard-before-you-did-it-wasnt-a

"Your dad had a beard before you did. It wasn’t a trend or a fashion statement, it was pure function and unbridled masculinity. With his beard, he could fall a tree without picking up an axe. With your patchwork beard, the only thing you can do is attract ironic women who only like beards because they’ve been brain washed by PBR into thinking they’re attractive. You want to know how your dad got your mom? The power of his beard lured her in and then his silver tongue made her stay. So hipster, stop trying to grow your face in, you’re never going to kill it like dad."

Giant Purple Snorklewacker
Giant Purple Snorklewacker SuperDork
9/9/11 12:09 p.m.

1) Be a man (or Italian woman). 2) Stop shaving.

fastEddie
fastEddie SuperDork
9/9/11 12:12 p.m.

http://www.thebeardly.com/

92CelicaHalfTrac
92CelicaHalfTrac SuperDork
9/9/11 12:12 p.m.

I'm 2 weeks into stopping shaving... still patchy.

Is there any real proof to "shaving every day makes it come in thicker?"

The speed of beard-cultivation isn't really what bugs me. I can be patient. But this thing doesn't connect my trash-stache to my weaksauce cheek-pubes.

92CelicaHalfTrac
92CelicaHalfTrac SuperDork
9/9/11 12:13 p.m.

The Conan beard would be perfect!

Not looking for ZZ Top style, here.

integraguy
integraguy SuperDork
9/9/11 12:15 p.m.

In my own case, I had a "patchy" beard until my late 20s. It wasn't as patchy as some, but it was never really full, either. Then, wham, almost overnight (actually, about the time I hit 30) I noticed that I had a significant stubble by 3 in the afternoon and if I tried to go more than 18 hours without shaving I looked kind of like a "bum" as my Mom would say.

Face it, some guys will ALWAYS have a patchy beard (whether you fall into that category is hard to say, even at 26). If it makes you feel any better, in about 10-15 more years you will want to know how to get rid of all that ear hair (I hate getting old).

scardeal
scardeal HalfDork
9/9/11 12:15 p.m.

I say just let it grow, man. Don't worry about it.

92CelicaHalfTrac
92CelicaHalfTrac SuperDork
9/9/11 12:16 p.m.

^That's what i'm worried about... i'd like to do this before i'm old. And i'll be old in about 3 years.

Fletch1
Fletch1 Reader
9/9/11 12:16 p.m.

Don't feel too bad. I'm 33 and have the same problem. I can grow it very well around my mouth but not on the side. I just don't think there is anything we can do. I desire one of these:

92CelicaHalfTrac
92CelicaHalfTrac SuperDork
9/9/11 12:18 p.m.
Fletch1 wrote: Don't feel too bad. I'm 33 and have the same problem. I can grow it very well around my mouth but not on the side. I just don't think there is anything we can do. I desire one of these:

I do OK under the mouth.... i can grow an acceptable short-cropped goatee/butt-tickler, but not too long, because then it gets scraggly.

It just doesn't connect with upper lip, and the Soul Patch is lacking.

Grizz
Grizz Reader
9/9/11 12:21 p.m.
92CelicaHalfTrac wrote: I'm 2 weeks into stopping shaving... still patchy. Is there any real proof to "shaving every day makes it come in thicker?"

No.

Leave it alone.

Twin_Cam
Twin_Cam SuperDork
9/9/11 12:22 p.m.

Some guys just can't grow beards. If it makes you feel better, mine grows in all but one spot: the connection between a mustache and the other stuff on the jawbones. So if I just don't shave at all, I'll have a mustache and a chinstrap. It's pretty berkeleying stupid, so I just shave the mustache and have a chinstrap. People say I look Amish, so I tell them to call me Ezekiel or Jedediah, and they laugh and drop it.

cwh
cwh SuperDork
9/9/11 12:22 p.m.

I'm 66yo, have had a beard over 35 years. BUT, on the sides of my face it is very patchy. Got tired of that and trimmed it back to a mustache and goatee. Looks pretty good that way.

davidjs
davidjs Reader
9/9/11 12:23 p.m.
integraguy wrote: In my own case, I had a "patchy" beard until my late 20s. It wasn't as patchy as some, but it was never really full, either. Then, wham, almost overnight (actually, about the time I hit 30) I noticed that I had a significant stubble by 3 in the afternoon and if I tried to go more than 18 hours without shaving I looked kind of like a "bum" as my Mom would say. Face it, some guys will ALWAYS have a patchy beard (whether you fall into that category is hard to say, even at 26). If it makes you feel any better, in about 10-15 more years you will want to know how to get rid of all that ear hair (I hate getting old).

Unfortunately, that's about when the eyebrows started to take off for me too...

(Use conditioner, it helps with the itchy phase!)

Gimp
Gimp Dork
9/9/11 12:24 p.m.

Sometimes you just aren't cut out for it. This was Thanksgiving to Christmas last year... and yes, I died it for the photos (the mustache part):

For what it's worth, I just rock the chops...

92CelicaHalfTrac
92CelicaHalfTrac SuperDork
9/9/11 12:27 p.m.

^I don't think mine is much more patchy than that.... i might be able to do that in a month. It just looks SO BAD in the in-between phase.

Bobzilla
Bobzilla SuperDork
9/9/11 12:31 p.m.

i'm one of those that just can't grow a beard. I think it's because we are more evolved from the apes than others. Think of it like this: we're a new species of human!

Schmidlap
Schmidlap HalfDork
9/9/11 12:37 p.m.
92CelicaHalfTrac wrote: Is there any real proof to "shaving every day makes it come in thicker?"

No, it's a myth.

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