Just curious for those that know, if a marriage is spinning to a mutual separation, is there any advantage to being the petitioner or respondent? I mean is there an advantage to either side or is it all equal in the eyes of the law if two people want to leave each other?
Depends on where you are, but typically as the petitioner you have more time to get your stuff together because you will control the deadlines. If the divorce is mutual it doesn't really matter.
Petitioner does have the elements of time and surprise on their side. That can be very important if it looks like it's going to be an ugly one.
Stay tuned for one of the usual follow up questions:
If you're already separated, and have split your personal property, it probably won't be much of an issue(not knowing anything about your state or the laws there). When my ex and I split, we had already agreed on the terms we wanted before either of us talked to a lawyer. While we couldn't accomplish everything the way we wished due to the laws in IL, it did make the process go much more smoothly.
As a lawyer, I want to win the race to the courthouse. Practically, it wont matter.
Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: - Hypothetical question about countries with no extradition agreement with the United States
Unfortunately Cuba is out now. 
And people wonder why whenever I get married there will be a prenup agreement. What's mine stays mine and what is hers stays hers, end of story.
Apparently there are cases in which the person who files the case gets to decide what state to file it in, which decides which laws the divorce is decided under, which may benefit one side over the other. This happened to a coworker of mine, who wound up losing substantial amounts of money vs the outcome had it been decided in the state they originally lived in.
Sorry to hear this, hypothetically speaking.
Neckromacr wrote: Just curious for those that know, if a marriage is spinning to a mutual separation, is there any advantage to being the petitioner or respondent? I mean is there an advantage to either side or is it all equal in the eyes of the law if two people want to leave each other?
Did the lawyer less respondent thing. Ballsy move but financially I didn't have much choice. Actually she had already left the state, so I ended up working with her lawyer (her office was just down the street). I also paid for half of her lawyer, but legally she couldn;t represent both of us. It was as mentioned before. We knew what our terms were beforehand, and we kept it polite, even as the marriage went into the toilet.
Hypothetically speaking, there is no easy divorce. Don't kid yourself into thinking because its legally going smooth and you are still getting along that its easy. It sucks, and it sucks hard.
It was a pretty fall day. I walked to her lawyers office and we walked to the courthouse together, the ex didn’t need to be there because she had the lawyer. The judge made a joke about how it was the easiest divorce he had ever seen, slammed his gavel and we were done. I signed some documents, shook the lawyers hand and walked back to my house.
Nebraska requires a year separation after filing before the hearing. I had just graduated college, was seriously dating the woman I would marry next, had a great job, a little money for the first time in well, ever and really not a care in the world.
I would put that feeling of failure as one of the 5 most emotionally significant events in my life. At the time, it was #2. It might have been easier (not cheaper) if we had been vindictive, I don't know.
I wisely decided to forgo the beer in my fridge and instead hung out with my friends just to feel connected. So have your legal house in order, and keep it civil, but find, re-enforce or build a support network. You are going to need it.
Hypothetically speaking.
Mine was I was getting to the point of divorce, and she left. 
It ended up being fairly mutual, she had her lawyer come in asking for the moon and the stars during our separation agreement meeting, and quickly my lawyer shot most of it down. Ended up w/ a little cash to get her out of the house (which was in my name anyway), and I took over the bills in both names.
Totally worth it. And as mentioned, even the most mutual amicable will still take it's toll at least a bit.
Sorry OP, hypothetically.
yamaha wrote: And people wonder why whenever I get married there will be a prenup agreement. What's mine stays mine and what is hers stays hers, end of story.
Yeeeaaahhhh.
I can imagine all those women out there DYING to get there hands on some old SHO's.
moparman76_69 wrote: Unfortunately Cuba is out now.
Really?
Enyar wrote:moparman76_69 wrote: Unfortunately Cuba is out now.Really?
In CT where I went through this, there wasn't any appreciable advantage to which party you were on the filing paperwork other than the aforementioned 'controlling the timeline'. That didn't really matter in my case as the biggest control on the timeline was CT's requiring you to be separated for around 6 months before you could file for a no-fault divorce. We had worked out the division of assets on our own well before we could actually file for the formal divorce, the actual court date was mostly a formality.
It was an interesting day though... we had to meet with a counsellor before seeing the judge and she said she couldn't believe we couldn't work things out since we seemed to still get along so well. And then the judge mistook me for being my ex-wife's lawyer (neither of us had lawyers) when we were actually in the courtroom. Despite the fact we'd been separated for half a year at that point and I had long since accepted what was happening, it still hit like a ton of bricks when I walked out of the courthouse when everything was finished. It's not an experience I would wish on anyone...
It is always the person that wants out worse that ends up giving up the most, petitioner/respondent be damned. And, yes, that's from personal experience.
yamaha wrote: And people wonder why whenever I get married there will be a prenup agreement. What's mine stays mine and what is hers stays hers, end of story.
This times eleventy billion.
Not only that but check things like bank accounts etc. Typically (at least in SC) things such as life insurance and retirement fund beneficiaries automatically change when people get married but don't necessarily change in a divorce, I found that out when I went to roll over a 401k. My ex had to sign documentation that we were no longer married and she was no longer the beneficiary. It was basically a formality, but if she wanted to she could have tied the thing up.
I would have won in the end (signing necessary paperwork to facilitate things like this is part of the divorce decree we signed) but it just would have been a lot of aggravation. The wording of the beneficiary clause for that fund stated that if I got remarried my new wife would become the beneficiary even if I had previously changed it to someone else and that a new beneficiary form, signed and notarized by both, was necessary to preserve the earlier beneficiary designation. Good thing to know.
It's best for each party to protect themselves. No it's not romantic etc yada yada but it can save your bacon because, let's face it, it's not always easy to tell if the love of your life is not actually planning something nefarious. BTDT personally and also battled the same exact thing with my dad's estate.
Up until recent events in my family, I was (for the most part) anti-prenup. Now, at the bare minimum, my prenup will say something to the effect of "if one party comes out of the closet, they loose everything except whatever they started with" as well as "if a party ever has an affair/cheats/etc., they relinquish everything including any custody rights short of visitation".
Hypothetically sorry you are having to think about this, getting divorced sucks. Mine was rather painless and ended on good terms (well as good as it can be after divorce).
In Georgia, anything you had before you got married is yours after the divorce. It only comes down to stuff you got during the marriage.
Hypothetically good luck to you on this.
In reply to z31maniac:
The problem isn't with personal property like vehicles, televisions, blenders, etc......the problem is with the chunk of land that will always remain with my family name.
Hypothetically I would cancel any credit cards and close access to any accounts she may be able to reach. Once you file the papers you can't make any changes to that stuff till it's all worked out in court.
yamaha wrote: In reply to z31maniac: The problem isn't with personal property like vehicles, televisions, blenders, etc......the problem is with the chunk of land that will always remain with my family name.
I was just giving you a hard time.
I had a "divorce" a few years a go, and by "divorce" I mean disillusionment. Pretty much my ex and could not stand each other,..we didn't hate each other we just knew it was time to part ways. In short every one is happier now, even my daughter.
My split was really amicable, in fact, we're close friends 15 years later. But we had a real eye-opening experience with lawyers – who tried their best to set us at each other's throats to draw out the process and beef up their expenses. Fortunately, we saw what what going on and told them to berkeley off and get on with the job.
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