carguy123
carguy123 SuperDork
12/20/11 11:36 p.m.

Every year for Christmas one victim, wait I mean one lucky person, gets to go on what we call a scavenger hunt or a treasure hunt to find their gifts. We've done this for decades and everyone wants to be the one who has to search for their true present.

Sometimes it's as simple as go to point B which will tell you to go to point C and so on, and so on.

Sometimes you have to decipher clues and try to figure out where to go to get the next clue.

One year we hid various, unrecognizable pieces to the present and they had to try to put it together with no instructions and no idea of what it was. Did I mention we didn't give them all the parts, nor did we give it to them in the right order?

This year it's to be a bona fide Treasure hunt with a treasure map and actual buried treasure in the garden. But to get to the map she has to first get geared up so that she can survive the Waste Lands and find her present. I'm trying to mix up Harry Potter, Star Trek, Indiana Jones, and just about every comic or science fiction book ever written. My problem is that because I'm pressured to get the narrative written I am drawing a complete blank as to some cool nonsensical language to use to spice it up a little. And since I knew there was a geek or 2 on the board I thought possibly some of you could help me here.

She has to wear all this junk, I mean safety gear before she can get the treasure map and she has to wear it on her trek.

She has to first put a pair of very old Halloween overalls on - to protect her from the elements. As I write this I realize I need to call them something other than overalls. So what's a good name?

Next she is putting an old long night gown over that as an invisibility cloak to help her escape any tough spots.

Then she has to find an old, black, feathered boa that has been strung with battery powered Christmas lights. At the moment I'm planning that it will be just like Wonder Woman's lasso, but if you guys have better ideas I'm open. I initially called this a James Bond cast off or one of Q's failures.

Next she has to find her bullet proof vest (and old gaudy Harley Davidson leather vest) from the armourer located in the back room of an eating establishment around the corner (dining room).

Inside the pocket of the vest she finds a cryptic note from the armourer that says HYPER KINETIC FLYING TEUTONIC BLIZZARD LIZARDS!

This means we have to exploit their only known weakness which is color blindness. So I hid a rainbow colored clown wig she has to wear. I told her the only place she can find the enchanted color blindness brain short circuiters (blind eye) are on Diagon Alley. (see there just has to be a better name for that).

I told her there's one in the old writing desk vault we bought from Mundungus Fletcher, the street vendor on the Alley who was selling all those items from Number 12 Gimmauld Place. We got there just before Delores Umbridge shut him down for not having a license.

Then I've got a little Red Riding Hood cape she has to wear over it because it's so valuable someone will try to steal it from her before she can use it.

Next she has to get and wear my Indiana Jones Clodhopper boots that are twice her size.

And then she needs protection so she must get my airsoft gun which really isn't an airsoft gun but it's actually a ................what?

While she's in the armory she also has to pick up and carry a fishing rod that's all of 2' long. It has diamond line on it so she can use it like a Batman batarang to hook a tree limb if she falls into quicksand on the quicksand farm she has to traverse.

"One last thing and then you are through. You need a Battery Powered Ultrasonic Bigger Bigger. When it’s turned to high it has the capacity to dig huge holes in the silica monsters common to the waste lands and when depowered you can use it to dig your way out of the quicksand farms in No Man’s land or do your nails."

That will be inside the special stasis field generator ( running clothes dryer) that will be emitting an almost inaudible, thump, thump of the generator field. (yeah right, a metal hand trowel in a stainless steel rotating drum?)

Any linguistic help you guys can throw my way to spice it up would be greatly appreciated. I'm not much good at double talk.

Once she gets the map she has to use a compass and go XX number of paces in a certain direction and wend her way around the outside of the house and thru the forest to find the present?

We'll be filming the whole thing for our future enjoyment.

gamby
gamby SuperDork
12/20/11 11:58 p.m.

failboat
failboat HalfDork
12/21/11 6:24 a.m.

you're going to put that on youtube right?

Giant Purple Snorklewacker
Giant Purple Snorklewacker SuperDork
12/21/11 7:22 a.m.

JoeyM
JoeyM SuperDork
12/21/11 7:34 a.m.

airsoft gun
sci-fi: man portable electromagnetic rail gun
honest: pneumatic kinetic projectile accellerator unit

Schmidlap
Schmidlap HalfDork
12/21/11 7:49 a.m.

And I thought hiding my brother's gift in 8 gallons of mustard was harsh.

Osterkraut
Osterkraut SuperDork
12/21/11 7:51 a.m.
Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote:

TL;DR

Brett_Murphy
Brett_Murphy Dork
12/21/11 8:12 a.m.

For your trek into the wasteland, you'll need a radiation suit (overalls), for the sheer awesome radiating from your present will kill mortals.

We know the radiation suit is tacky, and there are paparazzi on your rout (have people with cameras taking lots of pictures). This invisibility cloak won't hide you completely, but it will disguise your face.

Next she has to find her bullet proof vest (and old gaudy Harley Davidson leather vest) from the armourer located in the back room of an eating establishment around the corner (dining room).

Vest of proof against slings and arrows of fate = bulltetproof vest.

That's all I have for now.

carguy123
carguy123 SuperDork
12/21/11 9:15 a.m.

Cool guys, you have just become immortal.

Yes, we intend to post it on Youtube as that's the only way that the relatives can see it.

Keep 'em coming as more of your ideas may make the script.

Does anyone have a better name than the Blind Eye (enchanted color blindness brain short circuiters)?

carguy123
carguy123 SuperDork
12/21/11 9:26 a.m.
Schmidlap wrote: And I thought hiding my brother's gift in 8 gallons of mustard was harsh.

Mustard is harsh, we have fun!

Sky_Render
Sky_Render Reader
12/21/11 9:36 a.m.

Coveralls: Radiation Suit.

Yes, I play too much Fallout.

carguy123
carguy123 SuperDork
12/21/11 9:45 a.m.

THE FIRST TRIAL RUN WAS A ROARING FAILURE!

If you'd like some entertainment in your house put a metallic garden hand trowel in your dryer and turn it on. Your wife will come running from wherever she is thinking you're destroying the house.

I waited till my wife went up to the mail box which is almost 1/4 mile up our driveway. She heard it from up there and all the doors were shut.

That means I have to wrap it in towels to get the "almost inaudible, thump, thump of the generator field." The almost inaudible was meant as a joke, but that was too loud for any one to get the joke. Your only reaction is to make it stop!

RealMiniDriver
RealMiniDriver Dork
12/21/11 10:44 a.m.

Try a tennis ball in the dryer.

Air soft gun = Extreme-Impact Hole Puncher - turns any target into Swiss Cheese.

Fishing pole = Near Nat Pagle's Extreme Angler FC5000, with High Test Eternium Fishing Line. Don't forget to use an Aquadynamic Fish Attractor

I'll find more, if you don't mind World of Warcraft references.

carguy123
carguy123 SuperDork
12/21/11 11:38 a.m.
RealMiniDriver wrote: Try a tennis ball in the dryer. Air soft gun = Extreme-Impact Hole Puncher - turns any target into Swiss Cheese. Fishing pole = Near Nat Pagle's Extreme Angler FC5000, with High Test Eternium Fishing Line. Don't forget to use an Aquadynamic Fish Attractor I'll find more, if you don't mind World of Warcraft references.

A tennis ball in the dryer won't let her find her Bigger Digger, but wrapping it in a towel and taping it up well does give a soothing sound.

Thanx for the other suggestions. I am looking for the biggest mish mash of references and names I can find so WOW is OK by me.

RealMiniDriver
RealMiniDriver Dork
12/21/11 11:51 a.m.

Ahh, gotcha about the trowel in a towel.

conesare2seconds
conesare2seconds Reader
12/21/11 12:13 p.m.

For inspriation, try Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll.

carguy123
carguy123 SuperDork
12/21/11 12:17 p.m.

I memorized that once. I heard so many references to it I thought it would make me appear to be smart. I soon found out that most people were like Alice. 'It seems very pretty,' she said when she had finished it, 'but it's rather hard to understand!'

JoeyM
JoeyM SuperDork
12/21/11 10:26 p.m.

this is much more elaborate than what our family does....we regift a foil wrapped brick - labled FRUITCAKE - that is passed back and forth.

carguy123
carguy123 SuperDork
12/21/11 10:30 p.m.
JoeyM wrote: this is much more elaborate than what our family does....we regift a foil wrapped brick - labled FRUITCAKE - that is passed back and forth.

Well see that's where we differ, we'd use a real decade old fruitcake and make the recipient eat a slice off it when it was his/her turn to receive it.

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