I need to vent/ need opinions about a relationship

Something I learned and still holds true every day. You CAN NOT help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. Get rid of here, this is not a good situation and you have to think about yourself at some point. 

100% agree with apex on the social worker contact. 

Cutting someone you love off for their own good is really berking hard.  And yes, you'll question if you did the right thing.  Some 13 years later and the decision still haunts me. 

Nick, I respect your commitment here. Or unwillingness to throw someone on the street. 
 

I would think that, at this point, the addiction has its claws sunk so deep into her that you're just not going to be able to fix this on your own. To me, there are 3 paths forward from where you stand right now:

• You can delay cutting her loose, and attempt to do "the right thing". You will get dragged down doing this, and it will not end well for her, and it will cost you greatly in many different ways
• You can cut her loose and end it all. The result for her is the same as the bullet point above. The result for you is much better.
• You can put her into a rehab facility. 28 days type of deal. She needs inpatient rehab and detox; afterwards, she would need to step down to a Partial Hospitalization program (basically, inpatient daily but you go home to sleep) or outpatient rehab. This would be the best chance at a good outcome here, but if she isn't initiating it, the chances are very low that it will be successful. She could check herself out at any time. It would also be expensive. I'd donate to the cause, if that is where you end up landing here, but know that there is a very high chance it won't help.  
   

There are no right answers here.

Nick Comstock said:

I wish it was just that easy. 

Just an FYI:   No one here is suggesting that any of this is easy...  I think you have the most empathetic group of realistic people you'll ever meet present on this thread.

There's lots of things that are extremely difficult to do that can be summed up in one or two lines...  "Build a rocket and go to the moon."  "Construct a working fusion reactor."   Etc.

But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.  And it sucks.  But it's the right thing to do.

WonkoTheSane said:

Nick Comstock said:

I wish it was just that easy. 

Just an FYI:   No one here is suggesting that any of this is easy...  I think you have the most empathetic group of realistic people you'll ever meet present on this thread.

There's lots of things that are extremely difficult to do that can be summed up in one or two lines...  "Build a rocket and go to the moon."  "Construct a working fusion reactor."   Etc.

But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.  And it sucks.  But it's the right thing to do.

Hear hear. We're all pulling for you and her.

Sorry for your troubles.

Second hand information from a family member a few years ago. He was with a woman and for two years spent time living together at either's home. 

Despite not meeting the legal definition of any type of legal marriage. She took my family member to court, her home was actually in her parents name and so was the company she ran for her family. So despite being wealthy and having a home she was able to get the court to require him to pay support for her to have an apartment in another state as she was now pregnant. 

I write that to lead to my suggestion that you should consult a lawyer and start drafting documents for communications with your local law enforcement, as if you need her forcibly removed you need proof that you can rightfully do so. Understand if laws in your area allow you to remove someone who may have texts and emails wherein you state you will take care of her, thus she is in a position of deficit to begin self support. 

Once she is out, change the locks, heck move. Discard your current phone and email. Restart your life. She can be a great person and still be a destructive force in your life. I hope you work out a way to reach happiness. 

To bring some closure to this thread she finally left this morning.  

Reading back through this thread so much has happened that I didn't write about.  And I'm not going to now.  It's time to move forward and not dwell in the past. 

I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders.  Like I can finally breath.  

In reply to Nick Comstock :

Glad you're at a better place in your life. Sorry you had to go through it. 

In reply to Nick Comstock :

Change your locks and your number. Think about moving. 

Without an update on her condition other than "gone this morning", you may have only closed a chapter and not the whole book in the past 8 months. 

Not trying to bring you down, just remembering past experiences and lessons learned the hard way. 

Thanks for the update.

My only advice is to let yourself feel.  Do all the things they tell boys not to do... cry, have feelings, hug, ask for help.  I know there is a huge relief component to this, but it's still a loss.

I'm glad you have closure.



Sometimes it is the destination that is more important than how you got there.

Nick. You are welcome to join us in the AC racing league and just chat and watch. If I remember you are one of the original group. You don't need to race just get on discord (we can help set you up with that if you don't have discord). 
 

I have some personal experience with this. I ended up a single dad raising two daughters. Your stories sound similar.  Different but similar.  
 

Just be you. Breath. I know you have dad things you do but don't forget to make a little time for you.  Just a walk or go get an ice cream and watch the people go by.  This may sound strange but take a vacation and get some rest.   The amount of energy you have expended on this is not trivial.  You may need a bit to recharge.  You may not need this but be aware of it. Don't ignore what your body and mind are telling you should you start to feel exhausted.   
 

Lastly if you want to chat/vent we are all hear. 

Mad respect for pulling through. 

Glad things are feeling better for you