SVreX
SVreX MegaDork
1/19/18 8:16 p.m.

A barber in my neighborhood got arrested recently for dealing drugs. 

Blew my mind. I'd been his customer for years. I had no idea the guy could cut hair!

SVreX
SVreX MegaDork
1/19/18 8:18 p.m.

(Sung to the tune of "99 bottles of Beer")

99 little bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code...

Take one down, pass it around, 483 bugs in the code!

SVreX
SVreX MegaDork
1/19/18 8:27 p.m.

An atheist, a cross fitter, and a vegan walk into a bar, and the only reason I know anything about it is that none of them will shut up about it!  

Dr. Hess
Dr. Hess MegaDork
1/19/18 8:55 p.m.

Have you guys heard this one?  An Indian (dot) IT worker in a Honda pulls out of an apartment complex.  BANG!

Streetwiseguy
Streetwiseguy UltimaDork
1/21/18 11:21 a.m.
Dr. Hess said:

Have you guys heard this one?  An Indian (dot) IT worker in a Honda pulls out of an apartment complex.  BANG!

Pun?  Current event?  Play on words? 

Dr. Hess
Dr. Hess MegaDork
1/21/18 12:16 p.m.

In reply to Streetwiseguy :

It's a JOKE.  And it used to happen weekly, but since the light went in, now it's about once a month.  Like this one:  Dead guy walks into the ER and says "My head hurts."   IT'S A JOKE, GET IT?

Streetwiseguy
Streetwiseguy UltimaDork
1/21/18 1:41 p.m.

Noooo...I don't... Indians are bad drivers?  They don't live in apartments?  

I go nuthin.  I don't get the dead guy in the ER either.

Sorry.

Mndsm
Mndsm MegaDork
1/21/18 4:26 p.m.
SVreX said:

An atheist, a cross fitter, and a vegan walk into a bar, and the only reason I know anything about it is that none of them will shut up about it!  

We're they all the same guy? 

Mndsm
Mndsm MegaDork
1/21/18 4:30 p.m.
Streetwiseguy said:

Noooo...I don't... Indians are bad drivers?  They don't live in apartments?  

I go nuthin.  I don't get the dead guy in the ER either.

Sorry.

I think it has largely to do with several layers of stereotype. Typically foreign trained drivers have issue with American roads, causing an unreasonably high percentage of accidents where there is a large concentration of them. Given that east Indian dudes are often it pros, and that dr hess lives in an area where there's a lot of that,  and further given that they all tend to pile into transient housing [short term apts, etc) and follow each other around.....

SVreX
SVreX MegaDork
1/21/18 4:53 p.m.

In reply to Mndsm :

That's a lot of assumptions!

Maybe it just wasn't very funny! cheeky

Adrian_Thompson
Adrian_Thompson MegaDork
1/22/18 12:53 p.m.
SVreX said:

In reply to Mndsm :

That's a lot of assumptions!

Maybe it just wasn't very funny! cheeky

I'm with you.  Even after lengthy explanations I still don't get it.

 

Let's get back to 3rd grade basics.

 

What kind of bee's do you get milk from?

BooBees

Keith Tanner
Keith Tanner MegaDork
1/22/18 1:39 p.m.

I'm telling the boobees joke to my four year old nephew. His mom is gonna love me.

Dr. Hess
Dr. Hess MegaDork
1/22/18 1:43 p.m.

OK, next time an Indian totals his Honduh Accord outside my office window, I'm gonna bring this back up. And now that it's easier to post pics, I might even put a pic of the wreckage if nobody got hurt.

iceracer
iceracer UltimaDork
1/22/18 2:48 p.m.

In reply to Dr. Hess :

Yes, but why is this funny ?

Dr. Hess
Dr. Hess MegaDork
1/22/18 2:57 p.m.

It's a joke on jokes, at the expense of Walmart Indian IT workers.  See, it sets up like a standard joke, until it turns out to not be.  That's the funny part.

dculberson
dculberson PowerDork
1/22/18 3:07 p.m.

Seems more like garden variety racism than a funny joke, honestly.

Robbie
Robbie PowerDork
1/22/18 3:12 p.m.
Dr. Hess said:

It's a joke on jokes, at the expense of Walmart Indian IT workers.  See, it sets up like a standard joke, until it turns out to not be.  That's the funny part.

I was telling a good story, then I found 5 bucks.

914Driver
914Driver MegaDork
1/24/18 7:45 a.m.

 

8:00 I made a snowman.

8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.

8:15 I made a snow woman.

8:17 The nanny of the neighbors complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest.

8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen instead.

8:25 The vegans at No. 12 complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a headscarf.

8:40 Someone calls the cops who show up to see what’s going on.

8:42 I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because it could be used as a deadly weapon. Things get worse after I mutter :"Yeah, if it's up your a***"

8:52 My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I am blindfolded and flown to the police station in a helicopter.

9:00 I'm on the news as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble at this sensitive time.

9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices.

 

9:29 ISIS just claimed responsibility...   

RealMiniParker
RealMiniParker UberDork
1/24/18 9:30 a.m.

What's the difference between a plumber and a chemist? 

The way they pronounce "unionized"

Wally
Wally MegaDork
1/24/18 8:32 p.m.

A census taker knocks, woman answers naked: "Ma'am, you're *naked!*" "I'm a nudist. I'm not uptight about my body." "Okay. I have some questions. How many kids have you got?" "27." "*27!* Lady, you ain't no nudist, you just don't have time to get dressed

jharry3
jharry3 Reader
1/25/18 12:45 p.m.

Postman comes to deliver the mail.  He had been delivering mail in that neighborhood for years so they occasionally spoke. 

 The lady of the house says "isn't it your birthday today?".   "Oh, you remembered" says the postman.

Lady brings him inside and cooks him a large breakfast.  After he's done she appears in the kitchen door in a sexy gown and beckons him to the bedroom for a lengthy session.    When they are done and dressing she hand's him a dollar.

Postman says "What's that for?".   

Lady says "Well yesterday I told my husband it was your birthday and maybe we should do something for you.  My husband said 'screw him, give him a dollar',   the breakfast was my idea".

RX Reven'
RX Reven' SuperDork
1/25/18 12:55 p.m.

A bear and a rabbit are taking a E36 M3 in the forest and the bear says to the rabbit “pardon me, do you have trouble with E36 M3 sticking to your fur” and the rabbit says “no, no I do not have trouble with E36 M3 sticking to my fur” so the bear wiped his a$$ with the rabbit.

RealMiniParker
RealMiniParker UberDork
1/25/18 1:00 p.m.

In reply to RX Reven' :

Probably one of my favorite jokes.

BirgerBuilder
BirgerBuilder New Reader
1/25/18 5:53 p.m.

A man is driving past an insane asylum when he gets a flat tire. He pulls over and starts changing the tire while one of the inmates watches him through the fence. As he is getting ready to put the spare tire on, he steps on his hub cap and kicks all of the lug-nuts down into a storm drain. "Well, E36 M3, what am I gonna do now?" 

So the inmate says, "Take one lug-nut off of each of the other three wheels and put them on the spare. That way you have three nuts on each." 

The driver replies, "Hey, that's pretty smart!" 

And the inmate says, "Well, yeah. I'm crazy, I'm not stupid!"

914Driver
914Driver MegaDork
1/29/18 10:20 a.m.

During taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale, made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US Air crew screaming, “US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on “Charlie” taxiway; you turned right on “Delta”. Stop right there. I know it’s difficult to tell the difference between C’s and D’s but get  it right.”

Continuing her lashing of the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, “God, you’ve screwed everything up; it’ll take forever to sort this out.  You stay right there and don’t move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that, US Air 2771??”

The humbled crew responded: “Yes Ma’am”.

Naturally, the “ground control” frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air Flight 2771. No one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high.

Shortly after the controller finished her admonishment of the U.S. Air crew, an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, “Wasn’t I married to you once?”

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