Now she's pissed.

I have caller ID, but I also get board from time to time. Tonight I made ice cream come out my wife's nose.

Cablevison:Mr Miller?

Me:Yes?

C:I have an exciting offer for you tonight

Me:(Already a cablevision customer) Are you really excited or is that just some marking mumbo jumbo?

C: I'm very excited to be able to offer you this Hi-speed internet service today(something I already have, from his company)

Me: Are you calling from a prison?

C: Huh?

Me: I saw a special on 60 minutes about telemarketers calling from prisions out west. I thought from your accent that maybe you were...

C: No, I'm not in prison

Me: Too bad, I've been having a dream about meeting a man in prison, We'd become friends and I'd sneak him a jug of Tanqueray in my, Hello? Hello? Are you still there?

RealMiniDriver wrote:

nickel_dime wrote:

Opus wrote:

nickel_dime wrote: I have a mp3 file of the funniest telemarketer gag I've ever heard. It would have you rolling on the floor. I'd like to post it for you guys but I've no clue where or how to post it to get it on the board. I tried photobucket but it doesn't like audio files. If someone can help or let me send it to you I'd appreciate it. Trust me, it will be worth the trouble.

Most likely Tom Mabe, He tortures telemarketers and records it for fun.

Probably, it's from the Bob and Tom show. He plays like a cop and the telemarketer is calling to the scene of a murder. He starts asking the guy all kinds of questions..

I've heard that one. Funny as hell.

The one with the call from the carpet cleaning company is even better.....

"Good thing you called, there's blood EVERYWHERE. How soon can you get here!"

He gets'm so bad that the telemarketer's supervisor calls back and asks if there's any body they can call for him, like the police.

These are too good. Making my Friday.

I routinely answer my phone in either Spanish or Japanese. You don't need to know the whole language, just "Hello" and a few well rehearsed words. My friends all know I'm crazy and just know it as my normal greeting, while telemarketers either hang up immediately, or try to find out what language you speak to get and interpreter.

My voicemail message is the entire "Doughnut" Swedish Chef sketch from the Muppet Show. You have to listen to the whole thing to leave a message. I don't get telemarketer messages anymore.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbs64GvGgPU

this tread is funny, i just have to get some to mess with them though..lots of funny ideas....

I was board half watching the nascar race and nursing a bit of a chest cold and found this thread. Made me laugh more than once. So bumping in hopes for more good stories. 

Messing with telemarketers is always good fun.

Answer and say that i’ve Taken care of the body, now they better have my money.

Answer and act like they are telling you you’ve won the lottery.  When do I get my million dollars?

Answer and insist that they listen to the  sermon you wrote for Sunday.  Some good fire and brimstone stuff!  Extra points for snake handling.

I once got a call from a car warranty extension  telemarketing guy. I acted all excited and tried to get them to cover my 87 RX7 he wasn't  as amused as I thought he would be. Some of the other stories were hilarious.

We had our 3 year grandson answer a call once but they just hung up on him.

and get an answering machine or voice mail.

In reply to imgon :

I ask if they will offer coverage for my '68 TR250.  They have no idea what it is and usually do not believe it is my DD.

I did telemarketing for 2 nights when I went to college in 1989, and it was so bad I still remember the details. We were selling trash bags for some supposed charity for the blind(which I highly doubt existed) , at a crazy price - something like $50 for a box of 100 bags. 

I had one sale during those two nights. I called a number & a young boy answered, so I asked to speak to one of his parents. It took well over a minute for the father to return, and I was sure by that point he’d be pissed that he was interrupted by a telemarketer. I read through the script, and there was a brief silence before he started doing the math in his head out loud. He bought multiple boxes. 

I felt completely guilty for ripping him off, yet also wanted to yell into the phone “Are you a berkeleying idiot??!?!”

Don't get them anymore with no land line and I don't answer any calls from a number not in my contacts on my cell, but when we did get them I would just ask if they could hold on for a second, lay the phone down and when I'd check 15 or 30 minutes later, there'd  be no one on the other end!

tdrc said:

The ones I like are the Police/sheriff benifit league or disabled vet *** association. I reply I'm glad you called I had wondered how to register with you for help with my bills I am a disabled ex Sheriff deputy or service connected vet (both true). CLICK.

Not humorous, but does get them off the phone quickly:

Just ask what percentage of the donations actually get to the people they claim to help, last one said it was 10%. 

He gave up and accepted No for an answer after giving that answer. 

Oooh, a time machine. I want to ride this thread back to the future. 

The scammers we get now are all using synthesized voices, that give a recorded message. You can't mess with them at all. And most of them are spoofing local numbers, complete with names when the come up on the caller ID.

Takes all the fun out of it.

In reply to No Time :

They didn't tell us when I called for Amvets. We were only supposed to say "a percentage", but as a caller we did not know. We got a very healthy "incentive" from every donation though, if we were still there a month after we made it. 

I've now moved on to trying to get them to file a criminal complaint against me. I'm using the logic of "they'll have to give up a company name on the criminal complaint, and I have call logs and voicemails that should equal millions in fines according to FCC regulations". I only answer when I'm having a really bad day.

I'm also very concerned about setting up a company phone and never answering it because of the local spoofing. Might have to set the voicemail as "please text instead".