BMW Alpina XB7 review: A sports car in luxury SUV clothing

Photography by Tim Suddard

The new BMW Alpina XB7 is an amazing vehicle. It can do zero to 60 in less than 4 seconds, tackle mountain roads as well as almost any sports car, and tow up to 7500 pounds. And it’s also as comfortable as any luxury sedan.

The Alpina XB7 is equipped with a 4.4-liter, 631-horsepower, bi-turbo, 32-valve V8. The engine has double-VANOS and direct injection. Mated to this smooth, tractable monster of an engine is an eight-speed automatic transmission. And while it is not equipped with paddle shifters, it does have subtle buttons on each side of the steering wheel to allow for manual shifting.

The BMW Alpina XB7 also offers a sport mode that lowers the SUV, retunes the suspension and throttle settings and, somehow, turns this full-sized SUV into a mountain-taming beast. The electric power steering offers a responsive feel along with quick turn-in. We don’t know how BMW engineers made this vehicle so incredibly light on its feet, but they did.

The driving experience is just so deceptive–so smooth, so effortless yet also so fast, composed and quiet. This is one of those vehicles that will get you arrested.

Then there’s the interior furnishings: beautiful trim, cup holders galore plus heated, cooled and massaging leather seats. The second-row seats offer as much comfort as the fronts. They also move fore and aft and recline for sleeping.

Think private jet on steroids. More luxury you might not find at 30,000 feet: a huge sunroof with an adjustable shade.

The dual tailgate offers a nice touch as well. Two-thirds of the gate goes up and the bottom third makes a convenient tailgate.

You need tunes, right? The high-end Bowers & Wilkins stereo features speakers seemingly everywhere and can turn the BMW Alpina XB7 into your own rolling concert hall.

We took our Alpina XB7 on a nearly 1000-mile trip through the curvy, mountainous back roads of North Carolina, Tennessee and Kentucky. This monstrous SUV was unflappable. On all but the tightest turns, this 6000-pound SUV felt more like a Porsche 911 GT3 than an SUV.

The downside? Everything has a price. And this much goodness does come with the commensurate sticker price: The XB7 starts at about $152,000 and, the way ours was equipped, listed for about $160,000.

And, as you can expect, the Alpina XB7 is going to use some gas. If we took it easy, we could get 20 mpg. When we pushed it, though, that number dropped to about 16 mpg. (For those looking for a similar experience at a slightly lower price point, the X7 line starts at about $83,000.)

If we hit the lottery and could quell the pangs of guilt for living in such opulence, we would drive one every day. We can envision a life where we drop the kids off at school (private school, of course), head to the club, play a few rounds, and then on the way back rule the streets. Heck, as comfortable as the Alpina XB7 is, we might be able to sell our house and just live in this thing.