here's a story of me being a complete chump with a wrench for your entertainment
-------------
so my Si had its passenger rear caliper replaced right before i bought it due to the OEM one seizing up and dragging. the coating on this one didn't exactly weather well, and i hate looking at it. i went to replace it and bleed the brakes "while i was in there" and it went as only things can when i'm left to my devices.
started with this. gross. came off fine.
went to put new shiny thing back on.
everything cool so far. time to pop on the motive power bleeder, but the reservoir adapter doesn't fit. as with anything you wanna touch in an 8th gen civic engine bay, off comes the cowl. still not enough room. off comes the intake. ok i can finally get in there without breaking my hands. tighten the adapter down now that i have room, pump the motive up. go to the back of the car and prepare to bleed the new caliper.
FFSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i thought someone's irrigation system turned on across the street. nope just my car GETTING POWERWASHED WITH BRAKE FLUID AUUGGH ITS EVERYWHERE HOW IS IT DOING THAT SO FAST SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiit
the hose, being as old as it was, must have also gotten kinked and created a weak spot. thus, instant brake fluid fountain sprayer.
panic. awkwardly stumble over tools, tires, slipping on brake fluid, dive over to the engine bay to try to get the motive depressurized as fast as possible while most of the hood pad, windshield, cowl and fender are getting completely soaked with about a quart of brake fluid. i had dumped most of a bottle into the motive and it all but drained the entire amount in about 5 seconds.
its everywhere. i can feel it getting hot as it reacts with my gloves. all i know is you don't want that stuff on anything painted, and its basically on everything painted. slam the intake back on, grab the hose, immediately start dousing the car, watch as a river of toxic fluid washes out into the driveway. grab my citrus all purpose cleaner spray and just bomb the whole front half of the car with it and start scrubbing like mad.
a half hour passes. rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat. everything in a 10 foot radius is soaked. i think i have things mostly under control now. i rummage around and find a replacement hose for the motive. this might work out.
wife comes out to ask if i can take the dog out. i briefly explain what happened. "well does your car at least work?"
that's a good question. decide i'll just gravity bleed it with her stepping on the brakes rather than take chances. so we go through the motions, get a couple good bubbles out of the bleeder screw and i tighten it back down. just for extra assurance, i ask her to hit the pedal hard to make sure there aren't any leaks.
SON OF A BITCH
garbage reman'd caliper is pissing fluid out the ebrake seal. GAAAAAAH.
off comes the new caliper, back goes the old caliper, gotta bleed the brakes AGAIN but screw it i'm using the motive because i'm too embarrassed to call my wife back out. super cautious about the pressure and i only put in a tiny bit of brake fluid. its slow because i'm only using about 2psi but it works and in my dehydrated pseudo-consciousness i lack the ability to further care.
climb into the car. give the brake pedal a couple good stomps. go back around to the back to see if it leaks. of course it does, this time at the banjo bolt. tighten bolt.
again, same thing. tighten again. won't seal. i cannot. urge to weep like a bitch intensifying. i stand up, my clothes caked to myself, reeking of hydraulic fluid and BO, and check my watch. its been 6 hours. i close the garage door and do not look back.
--------------
epilogue.
i saved the banjo bolt from the original rusty caliper and amazingly also managed to keep the washers in the right order and orientation on the bolt. i yanked off the current bolt the next day and replaced it with the old one, washers as they were, and it actually worked. the old washers were thicker so maybe they seal better? still no leaks today, and hey at least the pedal feel is good after bleeding all 4 wheels all over again because why not at this point.
called the company i bought the new caliper from. they're allowing me to RMA it even though i bought it in April and normally can only return something within 30 days. so i've got that going for me.
car got a followup full detail and wax, because i've most definitly stripped any protection off the paint when i bombed it with the degreaser. paint seems ok.
i'm OK with a rusty caliper for a while, i think.
TLDR; i turn a caliper swap into a HAZMAT car wash