After the failure of acquiring a halfway decent insight, I went with plan B: (always have a plan B) and this is what followed me home today:
From Auto Lenders, a 2012 Fiat 500 Abarth with 11,000 miles. It's red.. really red.. inside and out. Driving it around, I had forgotten how much italian cars like to be grabbed by the scruff of the neck and shaken, this is a frantic little car that is bound to get me my first speeding ticket in 20+ years.

And next to the rather sedate Disco for comparison:


I am only the second owner of this seriously quick little car. The only let down is 16" wheels instead of 17". I am going to dip them white though
dj06482
SuperDork
6/29/18 7:29 p.m.
Congrats! I'll admit I roll down the windows when an Abarth is around!
Mndsm
MegaDork
6/29/18 8:10 p.m.
I've been considering one.
I hadn't noticed how much their "faces" resembled that of a bulldog before!
Looks like a lot of fun!
I had 17” wheels and was forever afraid of potholes. The 16” wheels might be an advantage there.
And congratulations! Except for the wheels, that looks like my old 2013.
The Abarth has one of the sweetest sounding stock exhaust notes of any modern automobile.
as far as I can tell, it has every option but a couple. No Sunroof or cabriolet, the seats are not heated, and it only has the 16" rims. It's got the bose sound system with sirius satellite, the factory tomtom nav system, premium leather two tone seating, the white mirror caps, and 50 state emissions.
So far it is one of the very few cars I have owned or driven that I could not immediately draw up a list of changes. I would have really loved the sunroof and heated seats as a commuter, but I doubt I will be driving this car much come winter or bad weather.
Jerry
UberDork
6/30/18 3:12 p.m.
One of us..one of us...one of us... 
Get a short shift adapter, about $100 and a world of difference in driving for a small $. A GoPedal or another brand of pedal box really wakes up the acceleration. No extra HP but what you have comes on like right now. My first time out after installing I jammed the gas to turn onto the main road from my street and AWAKEN THE SMALLISH GODS OF NOISE! $300ish new from various places like 500Madness but people are selling cheap used to go to the Eurocompulsion EuroDrive. That's really sweet if you have ~$900 to spare. (I'm ok with last year's tech cheap.)
Short shift and pedal box are the two happiest things I've done. You can add on with larger rear torsion bar, chassis braces, coilovers or springs, ... Things have gotten way easier to find now than back in 2014. Springs or coilovers helps lower it to where it looks like it should be, factory even the Abarth suspension seems a bit high.
Any other questions feel free to ask. I'm keeping eyes out for $ to drop to $6k or so, I think this would be a fun SF rallycross car.
I have been thinking about the short shifter. In driving it further the shift knob is beginning to annoy me. I am thinking a nice shiny chrome sphere from momo would do wonders for how I feel about it.