Bolus & Snopes, Ltd. to enter $2016 Challenge

This reads like one of the Canoe threads for fake passports.

As Ovid, IV, Esq. continued to wash the exterior of the muddy mess, to his dismay it was becoming apparent that he had not hit the automotive lottery in recovering the rare Pegasus custom truck and his dreams of early retirement in Bali or even Biloxi were fading.

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C4?

Edit. I do believe it is a C4 Corvette.

Alas...the mud washed away and like the legend of the red sea parting to reveal not the pristine lines of a Pegasus...

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. But nothing more despised than a PIECE Of E36 M3 C4 Corvette....the most heinous of plastic phallus enhancers ever to come outta Detroit.....errr....Bowling Green

It is. 700r4, about an 86 judging by the console.

What fun!!

I want to live in this thread and send overpriced postcards from its gift shop to my bewildered and increasingly agitated relatives.

This thread is fun!

Lof8 wrote: This thread is fun!

FUN, kind sir, is the primary reason BOLUS & SNOPES, LTD. exists. In fact it is in our organisational charter and bylaws.

This thread is probably the best piece of literature I've read in the better part of a decade.

Wasn't Bolus and Snopes a joke racing team from the 70's kinda like the Wanderers that super hunky wrote about.

http://www.off-road.com/dirtbike/voice/the-wanderers-the-ultimate-recycling-trick-15331.html

Fueled by Caffeine wrote: Wasn't Bolus and Snopes a joke racing team from the 70's kinda like the Wanderers that super hunky wrote about. http://www.off-road.com/dirtbike/voice/the-wanderers-the-ultimate-recycling-trick-15331.html

Joke racing team? JOKE RACING TEAM? JOKE RACING TEAM??????

You....you...YOU...BLASPHEMER OF THE RACING GODS!!!

B&S, Ltd. was and IS a very, very, VERY real racing team. If you have the time or inclination read the following article from Car & Driver, November 1972 edition. I know your lips may tire from moving while you read, but the cramping will subside eventually. Read it and tell me they are not a serious force to be reckoned with....

http://www.gasketgazette.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=106:1972-bury-my-car-at-ponca-city&catid=19&Itemid=118

Ovid, IV, Esq. was understandably in the doldrums with his dreams of early retirement dashed that his discovery was a C4 Corvette of unknown vintage rather than the highly prized Pegasus sport truck. While relatively rare, GM produced a scant 358,180 copies during its 13 year production run between 1984 and 1996, it had not caught fire with the vintage collector car crowd. One unique fact was there was no 1983 model corvette as GM had QC problems delaying the C4 launch for a year. Technically there were unofficially 43 1983 models produced but all but one was ordered destroyed by GM brass until engineers could complete work on generating MORE interior squeaks and rattles to enhance the high performance driving experience. The original design was just too damn quiet. That single 1983 C4 resides at the Bowling Green Corvette museum, having barely escaped the sinkhole disaster some 3 years ago.

As Ovid, IV, Esq. left his house headed out on his 3 minute walk to his office he was greeted by a surprising sight. A crowd of locals had gathered around the salvaged white plastic disco-mobile. It was not an unruly crowd thankfully, but rather one gazing with awe on the fiberglass flotsam and speaking in hushed, reverent whispers. The crowd parted, allowing Ovid, IV, Esq. unfettered passage.

Just what was going on?

Time to step up the game. A week between updates is entirely too long.

Upon arriving at his law office, Ovid IV, Esq. was still perplexed by the crowd that greeted him earlier as he left home. But no time to ponder that phenomena as all 3 office phone lines were ringing non stop. Quickly answering the calls it was not new clients seeking his sevices as a barrister (not to be confused with barista) it was the Lauderdale County Tourist council, the Meridian Chamber of commerce and the local newspaper. Word was out about the exotic sports car in his front yard.

Now Ovid IV, ESQ WAS somewhat more sophisticated and well travelled than the general population of Mississippi and being a bit of a car enthusiast due to his lineage yet he was unaware of the stir that the ragged C4 corvette caused in his sleepy community.

The tourism folks wanted him to formally put the car on display in the hopes of attracting more out of towners to see Meridian as tourist destination. But in the shape it was in....broken windshield, broken drivers door glass, broken hatch glass, engine and transmission not functioning, brake lines rusted/leaking, shattered left rear quarter panel and general state of neglect it would require much labor to get the old car presentable and functioning.

There was one clear thing he had to do. Summons his trusted team Torque Wrench Supervisor, Flem Snopes, III, grandson of Flem Snopes, Sr., to come out of retirement and take command of this project.

That's what he would do....

A little background on Flem3. As stated earlier he is the grandson of Flem, Sr. Ovd, Sr's original co-founder of Team B&S in the 1960s. As a child, Flem3 was often around the shop at his grandpappy's side taking in the machinations and dynamics dynamics of a first class racing team. Leaning towards the mechanical side of the operations he eventually rose to the position of Torque Wrench Supervisor at a young age. But his interests were not limited to the lofty sphere of international sports car endurance racing but also included a stint at building and driving local dirt track cars on Mississippi's highly competitive Saturday night buildings. He was so successful in his state of the art Pinto mini_stock 4 banger that most tracks had a bounty on his head for anyone who could beat him. This, after 13 straight victories at JaxTrax in yeah hello Jackson, Mississippi. Winning the Greenville State championship was the crowning achievement of his driving career. He was never able to repeat that accomplishment as the organizers gave him his trophy, his check and an admonishment of "Son, you done real good tonite. Now go on home and don't never come back here." It likely had something to do with the fact that Flem3 lapped the entire 43 car field in the 50 lap feature....TWICE.

And it is little known that Flem3 was also an artist and athlete as well....a proverbial renaissance man. He was the famed hirsute cross dressing (fond of ballerina costumes in stage appearances) bass gutarist in the legendary punk rock band The Oral Socks. And he was a ranked tennis player in the Volvo Tennis Mixed Doubles League...able to play both ways.

Alas, in recent years Flem3 had drifted away from motosports dedicating his life to preserving domestic bliss by doting on his bride and two teenage daughters. As comfortable in these estrogen filled environs as he had become, it would be a heady task to woo him back in the testosterone enhanced world of motorsports.

But that is exactly what Ovid IV, Esq. had to do.

@Ovid_and_Flem

Are you going to be disappointed when my $100 BMW 2002 wipes the floor with your entire "team"? I'm just wondering?

Oh snap.

NordicSaab wrote: @Ovid_and_Flem Are you going to be disappointed when my $100 BMW 2002 wipes the floor with your entire "team"? I'm just wondering?

Of course not! It will be an honor to bask in the fuel vapor trail of your Teutonic masterpiece.

That being said would you care to make a gentleman's wager of one fine domestic lager against one of your German brews?

Ovid_and_Flem wrote:

NordicSaab wrote: @Ovid_and_Flem Are you going to be disappointed when my $100 BMW 2002 wipes the floor with your entire "team"? I'm just wondering?

Of course not! It will be an honor to bask in the fuel vapor trail of your Teutonic masterpiece. That being said would you care to make a gentleman's wager of one fine domestic lager against one of your German brews?

chirp....chirp....chirp

Just crickets after all this trash talking, huh?

I dunno if I can find any Swedish beer, but I'll take that bet with my $250 Saab.

Robbie wrote: I dunno if I can find any Swedish beer, but I'll take that bet with my $250 Saab.

Southern pecan ale work for you?

Ovid_and_Flem wrote:

Robbie wrote: I dunno if I can find any Swedish beer, but I'll take that bet with my $250 Saab.

Southern pecan ale work for you?

Never had it but I do not discriminate!

After some quick reading, looks like the sweeds name their beers after the alcohol content. Like less than 2.25% is one, up to 3.5 another, and then 5% and up is strong.

Apparently, many people calculate their APK or alcohol per krona to make sure they are not overpaying. Sounds grm to me!

Ovid_and_Flem wrote:

NordicSaab wrote: @Ovid_and_Flem Are you going to be disappointed when my $100 BMW 2002 wipes the floor with your entire "team"? I'm just wondering?

Of course not! It will be an honor to bask in the fuel vapor trail of your Teutonic masterpiece. That being said would you care to make a gentleman's wager of one fine domestic lager against one of your German brews?

Sorry, I've been away working on my car while you have been exercising your proverbial lips. I accept your challenge!

Terms? - I'd suggest be decide this on the crossing grid of automotive glory! ... that is autocross for you less enlightened.

Reward? - A case of the finest beer available at the gas station near the host hotel?

In reply to NordicSaab:

PBR it is then!