Cleaning product for abandoned car surfaces?

Otherwise... shotgun? :)

 

I thought of this too but quickly dismissed it as I usually only think of it for stubborn lugnuts.  However, now that you mention it...maybe a small game load (smaller shot) will work well.  Either way...the glass will clear up.

I do like the car so the shotgun and fire options are not preferred.  I'll try some more of these suggestions tonight, thank you everyone.

It doesn't look terrible but the sunroof and rear window would drive me nuts being this bad.

This stuff is Awesome!  $1/gallon at the dollar store.  Not kidding, great stuff.

In reply to 914Driver :

I use this stuff everywhere!

"Lestoil" was the absolute best solvent for cleaning anything when I was a kid. 
I don't know if it's still made or if it is still made if the formulation has changed. I know it was not environmentally safe and probably not safe to get on your hands. We used it for everything especially good for removing grease and paint from our hands. 
 

I have always used Bon-Ami to scrub off the lichens and filth from cars that sat for a decade.  Someone already mentioned bar keepers friend which is the same idea.

Solvents like brake cleaner work on oils. Ever try to clean up a dried coffee spill with brakleen? It has no effect while a damp rag softens it right up.  I would be going water based on this one. 

I would start with a pot of really hot water.  Put a towel on the surface and pour the water on it.  I think heat and water will be your friend.

Penetrating oil and a shop rag for the paint, Bon Ami and wadded up newspaper for the glass.

914Driver said:

This stuff is Awesome!  $1/gallon at the dollar store.  Not kidding, great stuff.

Careful with that stuff. It's mostly just watered down caustic soda. Does a good job on grease, but watch it on your skin and aluminum especially. And for the love of God don't get it in your eyes!

So I tried everything in this thread with no luck, though I am suspicious that the rubbing compound I had was sub-par.

10 months later I am working on cleaning up the rest of the car. 

Wrapped the roof because it was the biggest eyesore.

Bought a spare hood to cut up for vents but it turned out to be gorgeous so I put it on and cut up the other one.

Then the fenders looked especially bad by comparison, and i could see that from the driver's seat which is the only view i really care about.

So I went back and bought the good fenders off the same car.

Now the front looks like a E36 M3ty crash repair or something with it not matching the doors and quarters, so that gave me motivation to try and clean up the paint on the parts of the car that don't unbolt easily.  Like the glass, it was covered in a layer of this thick crap atop the 'normal' clear coat failure and oxidation.  What I found was that scratch-x specifically cut right thru it.  A few other scratch removal products don't even touch it (Nu-Finish, Mother's, my old 3M rubbing compound II) but Meguiar's Scratch-X works.  My guess is some other things in this category of 'clear coat scratch repair mild abrasive things' would work just as well.  Apply liberally and go to town with a random orbital buffer for a WHILE.  But it cuts the glass clean and makes the paint pop again!

Before, the result of all the cleaning product tests and casually chipping away with a razor when I felt like it:

And after:

You can see around the outside edge of the glass some of the gunk remains that I will have to polish out by hand.  But the bulk of it is done and so much better.  Thanks for the suggestions, everyone!

And the rear window.  I don't have a 'before' pic of this but it was about as bad as the sunroof.  Now it looks ordinary  and boring, like any other rear window that you can ACTUALLY SEE THROUGH.  Finally.  Again, some remaining gunk along the bottom edge that needs to be chipped off or hand-polished.

I should show you the results of Lacguer thinner on my Jag.  It's been sitting in Southern California  for 15-20 years. And then under a pine tree for 5 winters here.   Dampen a paper towel ( the good kind that don't fall apart )  and wipe on wait and wipe off.  Not perfect but a buffer got it nice. 
Now I'm going to cut everything up and what's not cut up use for molds to make fiberglass parts.