Dumbest thing you've heard

My friends dad bought an M715 a few years ago, and shortly after he got it a guy that drove a dark green/primer colored civic with a poweder blue body kit said something like "thats an awosome truck, if it was mine id lower it higher" lol

Customers at work are constantly telling me they can't get X off of their bike. "I've tried unloosening it and everything!" I tell them "unloosening" is the same as tightening and they should try just loosening. They are less than impressed when I point that one out.

I do the ghost clutch pedal thing in my wife's auto too.

A friend in high school just learned to drive a manual and wanted to show off his new skillz to me, so we hop in his dad's Tacoma pick up. 1st, redline, 2nd, redline, 1st. Whoops. He peels his face off the steering wheel, I peel mine off the dash.

I know a couple of guys who have hacked up their catalytic converter to get a ghetto fart can sound (not that fart cans aren't ghetto to begin with), then can't figure out why their car won't pass emissions.

I've had someone praise my Subie and asked if it was Australian-built. When I told them it was Japanese, he started talking E36 M3 about it, something about Australia always being our ally and Japan plotting behind our backs for revenge for WWII...

Whenever I say "I have an Impreza," to someone, the first question I get is, "Is it a WRX/STi?" Always. Even if I'm standing right next to it. I still get props for it being a stick and AWD, even when I admit it's a slow car.

I was actively looking at STis and Evos a few months ago. The salesmen would often mention to me that they have trouble selling them because they don't come in automatic.

Two related stories I'm at our local cruise night and a guy starts telling me about the Locost he's standing beside. Apparently it's his buddy's car and it has a turbo charged 350 that puts out almost 1000hp. He goes on to tell me that it has been appraised at over a $100,000. The funny part is it's my car. I've got my Locost out at an autocross and a gentleman is explaining to his girl friend that it's a VW Bug based kit. He points into the space behind the seats and says "See there's the aircooled engine right there". I just wandered over and looked down to see if I'd missed something, but nope it was still just the rear axle and gas tank.

Working in Retail Auto Service for 6+years and going I got a bag full of them.

A friend told me he was helping an older woman who walked into the shop.

Buddy-"What can I go for you today?"

Lady-"I've got a biscuit on my car"

Buddy-"A biscuit?"

Lady-"Yeah."

Buddy-"Well knock it off of there!"

Lady-"No, see I got a flat and put my biscuit on."

Buddy-"Oh! You've got your donut on."

Lady-"Oh, well I knew it was some sort of pastry."

Another older woman had her car towed in and dropped in the middle of our shop. I asked her for her keys she told me they were at her house. When I explained I needed them to move the car and perform the service she looked at me like I had grown a second head. It was beyond her comprehension of why we would need her keys.

One customer was throughly convinced that his '96 Tahoe had a Corvette motor in it. The same customer came back in with one of our batteries he had bought 18 months previous, complaining of starting problems. Tested it on two different occasions both times it was at 12.5V and tested strong under load. They insisted that I had to test it on the "low side" which I'm still not sure of in meaning. One of the last bits of conversation went like this.

Them-"I just want a new battery before it ruins my alternator and starter."

Me-"It can't do that, faults in the alternator or the starter can drain the battery out, but it doesn't work in reverse."

Them-(clearly annoyed that I wasn't feverently agreeing that they need a free new battery) "Well I went to two other shops and thats what they told me."

Me-"Then they don't know what they're talking about."

One of my Tire techs talking about the modifications he's going to do to his NA Eclipse that yet to turn over "I'm going to get a bolt n turbo, but if I do that I'm going to need some high compression pistons."

The same guy keeps hounding me to become a mechanic and can't understand why I won't move him up.

My father has a 94 full size Chevy P/U. The hood release is about 3" below the parking brake release. Yep, you guessed it, I have to get out and close the hood whenever I use it.

I think I hve stomped a dent in the drivers floor board of my wifes Altima looking for the clutch.

When I started dating my wife she had an Escort with the automatic seat belts. We were getting on the Massachusets Turnpike and I dropped my change. I leaned out the window but couldn't reach it. I popped the door and since I was already hanging out the belt came up behind me and pulled my head up to the dashboard. My foot slipped of the brake and I rolled forward until the open door stuck the yellow post on the corner of the toll plaza, pinching my noggin between the door and the A pillar. Luckily my wife was able to put the car in neutral while laughing hysterically.

I've seen motorized seat belts grab people more than once. It's funny as hell.

Wally wrote: When I started dating my wife she had an Escort with the automatic seat belts. We were getting on the Massachusets Turnpike and I dropped my change. I leaned out the window but couldn't reach it. I popped the door and since I was already hanging out the belt came up behind me and pulled my head up to the dashboard. My foot slipped of the brake and I rolled forward until the open door stuck the yellow post on the corner of the toll plaza, pinching my noggin between the door and the A pillar. Luckily my wife was able to put the car in neutral while laughing hysterically.

LOL

Please tell us that the toll booth security camera's captured this and you have a copy to share????

I was introduced to a co-worker of my wife who had recently broken her ankle trying to push in the clutch during an emergency stop on her brand new automatic.

We had a lady bring her car in and you could hear the timing belt slapping it was so stretched and loose. Quoted her some 6 hours of labor and explained it would take 3 hours to get to the bad part and 3 more hours to put everything back together. She refused service and got about 3 feet into traffic when the belt snapped. She came in and demanded that we repair it for free as we had "obviously" damaged it during inspection.

I also had a boss come and complain about how I was pricing labor on jobs. I stated that instead of doing his inflated hourly rate for brake jobs with decreased book times as he wanted, that a more reasonable labor rate at book time would work just fine. He replied that a more reasonable labor rate would make us too expensive. I pointed out that the prices were pretty comparable either way, but my way was more accurate billing. He then said it would make us too inexpensive. Which is it - too expensive or inexpensive? The truth is he wanted to under cut the billed hours because he was changing techs from a straight hourly rate to a production rate based on book time, and then forcing the managers to cut book time and raise our hourly billing rate. I had been using my method for several months and had actually had an increase in business and in profit.

I finally got fired from that "management" position due to too much time in the red. I asked how I was supposed to run a shop with my ability to choose part vendors, choose employees, choose employee hours, and set pricing all out of my hands. I still haven't received a good answer. The company is finally under new ownership and isn't losing money hand over fist.

I've been told that you can't top off a dangerously low nitrogen filled tire with compressed air - the two aren't compatible. Who knew?

It was taken off, but someone had on craigslist a Turbo 350 manual transmission.

It was a regular old 3 speed manual...

It's back! http://cleveland.craigslist.org/pts/861482268.html

I was staying at a hotel with my family and or dog. We were there for about a week during a job relocation. That Sat. night there was a wedding reception in one of the banquet halls.

Early Sun. AM I am out with the dog and there is a woman in her evening attire from the night before. She had obviously spent the night but did not have a change of clothes. That whole "walk of shame" look. She has the hood of her car up and there is a guy in his tux trying to help her jump start her car. They both looked pissed at the world and appears they were together at least for the one night...

The jump starting was not going anywhere. No click, no anything. The guy tries to connect the cables a few different ways, still nothing. I could tell there is a ton of tension between them with the nasty tone of each ones voice. I start to head back towards the hotel and am going around the back of the dead car. I look and see the back-up lights on. I go up and tell the two of them, "Hey, put the transmission up in park and try it". Sure enough it starts and the guy is even more disgusted that he spent the night with someone so stupid. I just about busted up laughing. I have done the same thing but I was able to figure it out.

Neighbor needed to change his U-joints on the family Suburban. Removes the driveshaft and the truck starts to roll down the driveway. He gets his wrist run over and breaks it. Spends the next six weeks in a cast. Ouch.

porksboy wrote: My father has a 94 full size Chevy P/U. The hood release is about 3" below the parking brake release. Yep, you guessed it, I have to get out and close the hood whenever I use it. I think I hve stomped a dent in the drivers floor board of my wifes Altima looking for the clutch.

I did that all the time in my brothers. At least three times a week

maroon92 wrote: Being a "Car Person" can be difficult sometimes. I have to hold back sometimes from backhanding ignorant people who claim to know car facts. Once I was reading a magazine with an article on a guy who owned 3 De Tomasso Panteras, a guy looked at the photo in the mag and said, "COOL, Is that a Porshhh?" Someone once asked me if my Triumph TR-7 was a Ferrari. (as if the BRG/Buiscuit weren't enough to tell him otherwise)

Read in a well known book on turbocharging. "the best cam for a turbo car is the stock one" Absolute, complete nonsense, coming from someone who should definitely know better.

An owner of a nice 240Z once told me it was a Porsche. Who knows why?

The Tahoe and the Corvette had the 5.7 in 96. I don't know if there was a big difference...

Essentially the whole motor (Vortec 5.7 vs LT1 if auto, or LT4 if manual)... they both had the same displacement though! ;)

My fiance's late brother braged about getting a bradly up to 90mph then taking a sharp turn at speed and riding thrue the turn on...not 2 wheels, but you get where im going...

noisycricket wrote: It's back! http://cleveland.craigslist.org/pts/861482268.html

if it was a th350 with a manual valve body, then the description would be semi acurate, but this does not seem to be the case

my buddy told me his dads diesel ram could do 220mph, i told him 220kph was possible (its a heavily modded truck) but unless it was some kind of magic diesel it wasnt even aerodynamically possible.

geomiata wrote: my buddy told me his dads diesel ram could do 220mph, i told him 220kph was possible (its a heavily modded truck) but unless it was some kind of magic diesel it wasnt even aerodynamically possible.

Yea, 220mph is a bit much. I saw a 3/4 ton ram do a 9 second 1/4 mile yesterday, but even that is only above 130mph I think.

This is a complete opposite twist :)

Back in my car show days when I attended NOPI Nationals in 1999 (yeah yeah I know I know). I had my car all ready to show. I went to get something or use the bathroom so my wife (girlfriend at the time) was watching my car.

Couple guys come up and stare in awe and looking for the owner. My wife stands up and the guys ask what mods are done. My wife described every modification down to the shocks and springs I used. Bless her heart :) She was paying attention when I was installing these things :D

geomiata wrote: my buddy told me his dads diesel ram could do 220mph, i told him 220kph was possible (its a heavily modded truck) but unless it was some kind of magic diesel it wasnt even aerodynamically possible.

That is really impossible since the world's fastest diesel truck is the Bank's Sidewinder and it only does a 217mph.

Are you talking trap speeds or top speed runs? I thought the Banks truck was a drag truck.

The Bank's Sidewinder is a Dakota with a Cummins diesel. It is street legal and set the record on the Salt Flats at 217mph.

Bank's holds records for top speed with a diesel dakota, and records for quickest E.T. with a diesel Chev Silverado.