How to keep a cat off the counter

So, I decided to let the family get two kittens about two months ago. They are cute, I'll admit. I love watching them play. But.....
One of them is either the most stubborn, or stupid animal EVAR! I don't want the cats on the counter, or dining table. NOPE! They'd get up there and we'd pick them up, so NO and set them down. That didn't work (I called it). Then we started squirting them with a spray bottle. One of them seems to have taken the hint. The other will jump on the counter when you are standing right there!
Quite frankly, she's pissing me off in a major way. I won't tolerate it. I'll get rid of her before I allow a cat to jump on my counter just after burying her poop. Good lord that's nasty.
So, what's the best way to train the little beast to knock it off?
And no, I'm not open to cruel things. I if I wanted to hurt the cat, I'd go back to the breeder I got my last Akita from. She kept the cat in line.

Welcome to cats.

The little understood fact is that cats are trainable, but it's not as easy as with pack animals like dogs. Consistently repeated training is necessary, especially for young ones. Don't leave anything on those surfaces that might entice them. Instead, when they go up there, take out a toy and get them to jump down to the floor to play with it. If they go up again, the toy goes away. When they do jump down, reward them with a treat. Once they start to associate the floor with toys and food, the counter will be less attractive.

If you want to add a little disincentive without heading off in the wrong training direction, try putting some double-sided tape around the perimeter of the places you don't want them to go.

Increase the water volume? Might have more cleanup short term, but...

Akita FTW!!! Make it a male American Akita that will reach 110 - 120lbs

Walk up to it and thump it on the nose.

Unless you can come up with an automated system, the very best outcome is a cat that won't climb on the counter when you're around. You're not keeping them off the counter ALL the time.

Install a test pipe

Don't have cats in the house. That's the only sure way for their little feet to not leave cat feces litter bix footprints where you prep and eat your food. Either learn to love cat hair and excrement or don't have cats in the house.

Wrinkle up some aluminum foil and then flatten it out to cover the area. Also put a cucumber or zucchini up on it too.

The cat's don't like walking on the foil and did you ever watch the videos of the cats versus cucumbers? E36 M3's hilarious.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/agi4geKb8v8

Doohh!! Posted in the wrong forum. I love the cucumber video. I might try that.
Now there's a sentence I don't want taken out of context.

mazdeuce wrote: Unless you can come up with an automated system, the very best outcome is a cat that won't climb on the counter when you're around. You're not keeping them off the counter ALL the time.

This. I thought we had trained our cat not to go on counters, but it would only not go on counters when we were around. My sister in law was visiting, and she said the cat jumped off the counter as sooon as we came in the front door.

They are a filthy, loveable beast who couldn't care less whether you live or die.

Nerf gun. Fun AND effective.

DrBoost wrote: Doohh!! Posted in the wrong forum.

It's okay, it gave me an excuse to give the test pipe reply based on the forum it was posted in. And you can pray for no out of context use all you want, I predict an appearance in "Say What".

Get some old fashioned mouse traps. Take some string and tie the swinging part so it can only close about half way. Set them on the counter. It won't hurt the animal, just startle it.

Don't forget, if you die and have a cat in the house, it will start eating you before you get cold.

My father lined our counter with mouse traps. The cat figured out that if he landed in the sink he could push the bottle of soap over springing enough traps to hop up and push the rest on the floor.

Cats are easily bored. If what's on the counter is more interesting than what's on the floor - even if what's on the counter is potentially dangerous - the cat will head for the counter. As noted above, you will have better results giving the cat an incentive to stay on the floor than you will trying to make the counter unpleasant.

To that end, I suggest releasing several dozen mice in the house. This should keep them busy for a week or two at least.

Cats are hunters, easy to hunt from high ground give it a high ground alternative, shelf, window sill, shallow table against a wall.... Anywhere you don't prepare food.

I have used mouse traps with a de-rated spring to keep cats off the Miata, and sticky-side-up shelf liner on the counters.

Cats did not take long to figure out that I did not want them up there. Cat never did give a berkeley and kept doing it when my guard was down. I have to admire that in them.

Google Scat Mat. Available from pet smart, amazon, etc. Also, put them in a room without counters when you are not at home.

Recommended by my veterinarian brother.

http://catsaway.org/homemade-cat-repellent-recipes/

Cats like to be up high off the ground, so give them some places they can get up on, like cat trees or similar.

We put a bunch of rings of packing tape on the table surface around the fish tanks to keep the cats off...that worked well, but not so much on the counter where you'll actually need to use the surface.

I second the nerf gun thing, modified for a little extra oomph. I did this to train three cats to stay out of my bedroom (roommates' cats) and after about 6 months, it got the point across. I moved out a few months ago and those cats still won't go in that room. Make sure to only shoot when they're doing the behavior you want to stop, and make sure you have enough ammo to repeatedly hit them if they don't comply immediately. I recommend 2 Maverick Rev-6s.

Scatmat

Scatmat in action

Cookie sheets full of water is quite entertaining, Nanny cams to catch the action.

I dont recommend the tape thing, you will most likely have to peel it off at some point.

The bigger the cat the easier to train, With that said housecats were always my favorite to train.