Increasingly poor decisions during an oil change

Step 1: Forget to open the drain on your catch pan

Step 2: Watch oil get really high and realize what you've done

Step 3: Stick your hand in the what, 180 degree? oil to unscrew the drain plug

Step 4: OWBERKELEYBERKELEYITYBERKELEYBERKELEYSWISSMOTHERBERKELEYINGCHEESE E36 M3 E36 M3E36 M3

Step 5: Stick your hand back in for round 2

Step 6: Sounds remarkably like step 4

Seems pretty standard to me...

At least you remembered to put the drain bolt back in. I forgot one time and couldn’t figure out why the goddamn floor got so slippery. 

My typical oil change is similar, and rather consistent:

1. Put down cardboard, because I'm definitely not making a mess this time.

2. Use the fancy catch can like OP is describing, because I'm not making a mess this time.

3. Remember that my Saturn is just barely too low for the fancy catch can, but I'm too lazy to jack up the car.

4. Revert back to the open-top pan, proceed to drain oil carefully, because I'm not making a mess this time.

5. Finish oil change. Wow, no mess this time!

6. Pull the pan out too quickly because I forgot I didn't use the fancy catch can and watch as the tidal wave of hot oil spills all over my cardboard running to the edges of it onto the driveway.

7. Admire my new driveway oil spot with square-shaped white space in the middle.

Well, there's my morning laugh.

These scenarios are all to familiar. But mine add a couple steps.

1....man...I should change out of my good clothes before I start this.

2. This time I'll use the tiny drain on the cartridge filter before spinning it off and having oil gush out everywhere. 

3. Ignore step 2. Curse at burning hot oil running down forearm, and staining driveway. 

4.  berkeley....I shouldn't have ruined my nice clothes.....again.  

5. Spill half the dirty oil on the unprotected driveway out of the fancy pan while attempting to pour used oil into the  5 quart jugs from the new oil for "cleaner" transport. 

Man you guys are messy.

Step 1: drive car over pit

Step 2: pull drain plug over pan and smile happily because its my car and the oil isnt 250+ degrees.

Step3: change filter and sit it on the pan.

Step 4: replace drainplug and roll catch can out of the way too grease the front suspension.

Step 5: drive out of garage and park.

Or you need taller vehicles. Changed the oil in the disco yesterday.

1. Slide under truck with fancy drainpan

2. drain oil and tighten drain back in

3. change filter

4. Slide out from under truck and drain fancy oilpan into containers for return to shop.

Actually glad I changed it yesterday, found the bleeder/vent tube for the transmission had fallen down and was rubbing on the forward driveshaft. I doubt it would have hurt anything, but I really didn't want to replace anything I didn't have to also.

I know you don't all work for quick lube places so why the heck are you changing HOT oil?  Go have a beer first or something.

You guys need to get a lift.

Put car/truck on lift. 

Wheel over oil catch can thingy

Drain oil.

Put on filter

Put in new oil

Done.

Wait... you mean that's NOT the standard oil change procedure?   Good God I've been doing it wrong for 30 years.   Dang it....

I'm lazy with a car under warranty.

Step 1.  Check oil and take picture of the dipstick with phone.

Step 2.  Take it to the dealership for oil change.

Step 3.  Peek under car before leaving to ensure it's not dripping oil and check dipstick to confirm oil change.

RedGT said:

I know you don't all work for quick lube places so why the heck are you changing HOT oil?  Go have a beer first or something.

Working at a quick lube place is why i always change mine cold. I dont understand why you would do a hot oil change at home either.

My favorite new method:  "son go change the oil in ...."

Resume drinking beer.

RedGT said:

I know you don't all work for quick lube places so why the heck are you changing HOT oil?  Go have a beer first or something.

You at least want the oil warm so it flows quickly and so it carries more contaminants out.

This restores my faith that I am not the only that makes bad decisions while trying to do things on my own.  I have done all of the above at one time or another.  Thanks for the faith restoration.

In reply to dculberson :

There's "warm" and there's "OWBERKELEYBERKELEYITYBERKELEYBERKELEYSWISSMOTHERBERKELEYINGCHEESE E36 M3 E36 M3E36 M3".  

Ya know what's more funner than leaving the drain plug out?  Not putting the oil filter on!  

"Why is this stupid thing not making oil pressure?"

"Oh."

In reply to snailmont5oh :

The best part about that was I didn’t have any extra oil to put in, it was my only mode of transportation, and the store was several miles away. Guess who hoofed it to bi mart?

snailmont5oh said:

Ya know what's more funner than leaving the drain plug out?  Not putting the oil filter on!  

"Why is this stupid thing not making oil pressure?"

"Oh."

I once forgot to check to see if the old filter hadn't left it's o-ring stuck to the housing. Soon as I started her up, oil EVERYWHERE under pressure

1. put the Crosstour up on the silly yellow steel ramps

2. for some reason can't find the drain pan so lets use this random bucket I found since the car is so high.

steps 3-6 are normal and expected.

7. everything checks out so I'll back the car down off the ramps and clean up without the car in the way.

8. remember I used the random bucket instead of a drain pan and that bucket is now a few inches shorter because the car crushed it when I backed off the ramps. 

You guys clearly aren't doing miata oil changes... I know this because there was no mention of bandaging up your hands trying to get to the filter!

From the sound of things, I took less time and suffered less pain, doing a oil change, front pads, tire ballance and rotation on the Colorado Tuesday, than y'all spend chainging oil and cleaning up the mess.

Oh wait, that was my son doing all the work while I supervised. He managed to make a mess as well, but he also got to clean it up. 

1) Put truck on lift, lift truck and roll oil drain cart underneath.

2) Remove drain plug and filter. Look at date I wrote on filter with sharpie. Holy !@$#%$# that was two years ago.

3) Screw on new filter and lube chassis while checking brakes, bushings, steering, shock absorbers, etc.

4) Find a whole bunch of stuff that I need to replace and I can't let it go until next time because I know how low a priority fixing my own vehicles tends to be.

5) Spend $$$$$ on parts because I can't make myself use the cheapest crap going and "oh, look RS9000 shocks are on promo this month. I totally need those".

My other favourite:

Apprentice yells at me from across the shop after he's poured 4 quarts of oil into an engine: "I've never done an oil change on one of these before, how much oil does it take?"

Me: "9 quarts but only once you remember to put the drain plug in!"

He's never forgotten the plug again.

Could add putting the oring in the wrong place on one of those Toyota canisters and losing 7 quarts on the garage floor. I hate those canisters. 

I recently bought one of those Mityvac vacuum devices and pump it all out the dipstick hole now.  Avoids most of the opportunities for thrills and spills.