LeMons does it again.

I swear it's worth signing up just to get these spam Emails.

LeMONS JUDICIARY REBUFFS ECCLESTONE, MOCKS HAIRCUT

After seeking advice from motorsport's premier graft experts, beleaguered F1 boss considering plea bargain in Germany.

Elkhart Lake WI--Petulant billionaire (and former muppet) Bernard "Bernie" Ecclestone, currently under indictment in Germany for bribery and other offenses, will get no relief from the LeMons Supreme Court. The Grand Prix supremo (and fifth Beatle) asked longtime LeMons judges Phil Greden and Sam Stevens to consult for his legal team at Road America, where the crapheap series is running on 2-3 November this year (apply online by Saturday, August 24). The men were attending a Monster Jam show during the 4-mile track's 'Morally Bankrupt Motorsports Officials Get in Half-Price!' promotional weekend.

Though widely considered the most graft-savvy experts in racing, LeMons' BS judges are also notoriously fickle, blindly embracing some patrons while excoriating and rejecting others. In response to the reasoned and impassioned pleas of the Formula One Management CEO (and retired Orville Redenbacher impersonator), Mr. Greden replied simply "Andy Warhol's ghost called; he wants his wig back."

Ecclestone plans to continue serving as a professional Eurotrash douchbag (and Mason Reese stunt double) while awaiting trial. If convicted, he could face up to 8.5 years in Stalag F1, a buffoon-managed German prison camp filled with hilarious Italian, French, and English team owners.

For full Road America event details, click here. To sign up online, go here.

Curmudgeon wrote: I swear it's worth signing up just to get these spam Emails. Though widely considered the most graft-savvy experts in racing, LeMons' BS judges are also notoriously fickle, blindly embracing some patrons while excoriating and rejecting others. .

This part of the story is fact. Had a great time participating for a few years. After learning the ropes, we campaigned a car and got totally screwed at BS inspection with a legit car. 61 penalty laps? Car blew up about 6 hours later.

Final lesson learned: you're going to get screwed either way on your first event, so cheat better.

Tyler H wrote:

Curmudgeon wrote: Though widely considered the most graft-savvy experts in racing, LeMons' BS judges are also notoriously fickle, blindly embracing some patrons while excoriating and rejecting others. .

After learning the ropes, we campaigned a car and got totally screwed at BS inspection with a legit car. 61 penalty laps? Final lesson learned: you're going to get screwed either way on your first event, so cheat better.

I think this, plus the article in the most recent ish, has permanently cured me of any interest in LeMons.

Seriously? I'm trying to build a functioning race car in a tiny garage with flaky teammates, minimal tools, spare time, and cash, and then I have to come up with a "theme", berkeleying costumes, and expensive booze for the judges?

Yeah, ummm, NO.

You don't have to do any of that stuff, if it's not your thing. Lots of un-themed cars run in Lemons. Show up with a Spec Miata, take your laps, and go have fun.

In reply to ross2004:

Or just run chump car.

D_Eclipse9916 wrote: In reply to ross2004: Or just run chump car.

This. You've hit on the core business model of Chumpcar. If you want to goof off with E36 M3ty race cars and booze, go race LeMons. If you want to go endurance racing as cheap as humanly possible, go Chumpcar. They've managed to coexist rather nicely so far.

Try both and decide. Many, many, teams run both series. If anyone thinks there isn't a race going on at a Lemons event.....you're mistaken.

I guess the bottom line is that the BS judging thing is to get people talking and to help remind folks that this is amateur racing. You're not in the big leagues, winning isn't the point so much as the chance to compete with people of your own skill set and to match your car building prowess against others.

Don't take it so seriously and try to have some fun.

With that said, the description I've heard for the two series are as follows:

LeMons is a party where a race breaks out.

ChumpCar is a race where a party breaks out.

Both are about getting people on the track for as cheaply as possible and for as long as possible.

unevolved wrote:

D_Eclipse9916 wrote: In reply to ross2004: Or just run chump car.

This. You've hit on the core business model of Chumpcar. If you want to goof off with E36 M3ty race cars and booze, go race LeMons. If you want to go endurance racing as cheap as humanly possible, go Chumpcar. They've managed to coexist rather nicely so far.

Couldn't disagree more. I've never run Chump, so I can't speak firsthand. But LeMons is not just goofing off with E36 M3ty race cars and booze. Our team, Three Pedal Mafia, puts a lot of work into our theming and the having fun aspect of the race. We go all out in costume, try to do a new theme each time, have great meals in our pits and party hard. I don't drink, but even I have a great time with the social scene while totally sober. But don't mistake that for lack of racing. We go for class wins, as well as IOE wins. Safety and fun are our two top priorities, but we also take our racing seriously. We want to go fast and compete. There are a lot of teams at LeMons who focus a lot less than we do on the theme/party and put all efforts into the race. While on the track, the racing is real, and everyone is pushing hard. The idea of LeMons is to have a lot of fun and not think you're the next F1 star...because you're not. But you can still race hard, even in E36 M3 boxes.

Last weekend, we had 140+ cars at NJMP Thunderbolt. I was in packs of traffic 3 wide, going all out. If that ain't racing, I don't know what is. Come to a LeMons race...you'll see it's a lot of goofing off for fun and serious racing.

Klayfish wrote: Last weekend, we had 140+ cars at NJMP Thunderbolt. I was in packs of traffic 3 wide, going all out. If that ain't racing, I don't know what is.

That sounds more like 1 berkeley up away from a demolition derby.....

yamaha wrote:

Klayfish wrote: Last weekend, we had 140+ cars at NJMP Thunderbolt. I was in packs of traffic 3 wide, going all out. If that ain't racing, I don't know what is.

That sounds more like 1 berkeley up away from a demolition derby.....

Nah, that's the paddock area....

I'm just in it for the fun and the BS judging etc doesn't bother me in the least for that reason. Sure it's a heap of fun going 3 wide the way Klayfish described and in that situation I'll give as good as I get , plus our team has been Top 10 and 3rd in B class before so it ain't like we don't try but at the end of the day it's all for fun. If I leave with a grin, it's been worth every minute/dollar.

I'm not saying there's no racing in LeMons, don't get me wrong. I'm just saying if you want the same racing without the shenanigans, then give Chumpcar a try. Not everyone's outgoing enough to enjoy the beautiful mayhem that is a 24 Hours of Lemons weekend.

ross2004 wrote: Show up with a Spec Miata, take your laps, and go have fun.

So a Spec Miata (minus "safety gear") can be built for $500? That's good to know. The fact that you can say that with a straight face tells me a lot about the levels of bullE36 M3.

I'm outgoing enough, and I'm really not that competitive. It's just that when you're on a shoestring budget of time, money, skill, and resources, it seems stupid to waste it on this kind of crap.

I freely admit I've never even been to a LeMons race, so I could be talking out of my ass. I would just feel like a dick showing up with a cheap, legit car and getting dumped on because I don't have patience to play the game.

At the race I went to, the BS wasn't really that thick. We had maybe $30 of booze in the trunk, and the judges loved that one of them was a bottle of tequila in the shape of a gun. It cost me like $12 at Spec's. We made it through tech with no hassle (in an E36, even), and proceeded to race all weekend. No problems.

It's not quite as bad as some people (myself included) can make it sound.

Duke wrote: So a Spec Miata (minus "safety gear") can be built for $500? *That's* good to know. The fact that you can say that with a straight face tells me a lot about the levels of bullE36 M3.

No.....that's why I said "take your laps." BUT if you wanted to bring a Spec Miata (that was just an example...) go ahead. You'll get your laps then can go play with the rest of the boys.

You have a concept of Lemons much like I did before my first race. It's a little different than what you think...

I've read enough of Jalopnik's writeups on it to avoid Lemons totally.

In reply to Duke:

You want chumpcar then, its lemons for serious people(though not so serious they are there for anything but fun). Chumpcar's idea of silly is creating a semi truck class.