aging parents.....

Not sure how to respond to this....

Got an email from my Dad today. both my parents are 60....so this message is asking what my sister and I would like in the event that something happens to them.

how do I reply? they are both in good health for now....don't really see anything happening to them...

Grtechguy wrote: how do I reply?

Honestly....they're just trying to make sure they make their will out properly.

Does he have a Miata?

Tommy Suddard wrote: Does he have a Miata?

no....a 3.0 Z3

Step one, make sure you and your sister are on the same page, not just about specific small remembrance things each of you wants (try not to ask for the same ones!) but also about why your parents are doing this, which is probably (like Joey says) just because they want to be organized and not leave their kids with a big mess. Being a caring parent never stops, y'know.

OTOH, if your sister knows something you don't know, find out now.

that's the thing. neither of us are really into physical things that they own.

and I know that's what they are trying to....keep things clean.

about the only thing I would wish to keep would be the property (50+ acres)....but even that, I'm not sure what I/we would do with it do to distance

Grtechguy wrote: how do I reply? they are both in good health for now....don't really see anything happening to them...

I'd assume they're just looking to the future and want to get everything set up so they aren't worried. My grandmother didn't do it. The fight over the Cutco's was intense.

My parents are in their forties, and they have already asked me how I want my inheritance. Whether I want the houses, or if I want the houses sold and the money given to me.

Based on experience, my best suggestion is simply to find out where everything is. Looking everywhere for a will after a sudden death is zero fun. Likewise trying to locate scattered bank accounts, insurance policies, etc., etc. Maybe sit down and help them make a list? They'll feel better, and so will you. These days, you'll also probably want to talk about Living Wills, Powers of Attorney, and other stuff that wasn't so much of an issue a few years ago.

maroon92 wrote: My parents are in their forties,

OK, that's it... I am truly bummed.

Lesley wrote:

maroon92 wrote: My parents are in their forties,

OK, that's it... I am truly bummed.

+1 Mine are in their 70s and have stuff scattered around the country - going to be a mess someday. Let them/family know you have an interest in keeping the property together (you can always lease it out till you're ready to deal with it) and if it's a significant level of assets - have them consider moving things to a trust - prof. legal/tax advice needed there - IIRC trusts need to be active 3 years before a vbt (very bad thing) happens. Enjoy them while you can. I kinda figure they worked for what they have - it's up to them how they want to distribute it - but if they're asking...

Lesley wrote:

maroon92 wrote: My parents are in their forties,

OK, that's it... I am truly bummed.

So, get off your cute bum (I'm presuming) and prove again that people "of a certain age" can make kids stand transfixed by awesome-ness.

oldtin wrote: +1 Mine are in their 70s and have stuff scattered around the country - going to be a mess someday. Let them/family know you have an interest in keeping the property together (you can always lease it out till you're ready to deal with it) and if it's a significant level of assets - have them consider moving things to a trust - prof. legal/tax advice needed there - IIRC trusts need to be active 3 years before a vbt (very bad thing) happens. Enjoy them while you can. I kinda figure they worked for what they have - it's up to them how they want to distribute it - but if they're asking...

My Dad is 80, Mom is 78 and they are wintering in Vegas (again) this year; they drove there from PA.

The financial issues (when vbt's happen) have long been addressed. Now, I am just oh so grateful they are still willing and able to enjoy life. What happens after really just isn't that important.

Ask them what they want if they become ill. Research nursing homes. Find some you, and they, like. If you can get on a waiting list do it now. Be ready if the unexpected happens. Nobody wants to put their parent(s) in a home but sometimes there's no choice. If I knew then what I know now....

60 is aging?

Wow.

Mine are in their 80's.

Sounds like they are trying to get everything sorted and in order so there is no conflict when they do pass. Trust me its hard enough when it happens even harder when the petty bickering starts about who gets what.

My Grandparents both recently ended up in nursing homes and will soon be gone. Every week my mom and aunt are fighting over their money and things. My aunt really got her nose out of joint when she was told by not only my grandparents but their lawyer everything was mine. Neither of them were happy when they were told I was the one that had final say in anything that has to do with them and their estate.

We've made it known that my brother and I are going to fight to the death over dad's 24k gold Richard Petty belt buckle

It's always intrigued me how so many families don't talk about death. I'm glad that's a problem we don't have. From as early a memory as I have, I knew my parents would die, what they wanted done with their corpses, where I would go (when I was a child), and how the chattel was to be disposed of. My own son is the same way.

It's kinda interesting to have a spirited discussion with an little boy about who's going to die first, and who gets what. he's made plans for himself already.

So my always sage advise is to talk, talk, and talk.

I'm setting an appointment with the lawyer to get the power of attorney thing done for mine. Yippee.

Tell your parents to decide what they want to do regarding retirement/care facilities NOW. My nearly 80 year old parents waited until they were in their mid 70s and failing health to realize they couldn't stay in their big, high maintenance house anymore. It frequently takes years on a waiting list to get into someplace, and they will screw you around over the finances if you don't have stuff in order. It is with unbelievable relief that they sold their house last week and can finally move into an assisted living apartment. This should have been all arranged 10 years ago.

SVreX wrote: 60 is aging? Wow. Mine are in their 80's.

their words....this is brought on by my grandfathers health being quite poor the last year

Dad's a young, active 80. Mom passed 5 years ago after 4 years in a nursing home(when we finally realized we couldn't provide for her anymore). We tried for years to have him protect what they had worked for all of their lives. He never got around to it. Other than some savings, his house and car, almost everything else had to go. Kudos to your folks for having the foresight to try to settle things before hand. There are so many things that need to be done and usually our emotional state isn't conducive to making sound decisions, at the time they need to be made. You and Sis need to discuss this with each other, then with your folks.

I've always told my parents to time it so that they die penniless, enjoy ALL the money on their way through life and out of it. They called last night and told me their funerals are all paid up, all we have to do is get the urns to the cemetary in Quebec. I asked them if they had picked the date.

On a serious note, I've seen families get into big time fights when the bickering over their parents assets starts. Money first and foremost, starts the most fights. Personal effects are easy to divide up, just make sure your sister and you already agree and your parents know it. My in-laws have little pieces of tape on the underside of all kinds of stuff. Each piece of tape has a name on it. Mom's already decided who's getting what.My Mom is always asking what each of us wants. My answer is always "Nothing".

This thread is a real bummer. My parents have just entered their 60s and I have no idea what happens in the event of a VBT. I've noticed they are slowing down a bit from years past. I worry about them. :(

Ok I'm 62 and I don't feel old, actually I fight the aging process every day by working out as everyone should cause you just never know. I would guess the answer is to live every day to you best ability and not to be judged or do the judging. I have got a British car hobby that included a number of Jaguars and a Bugeye but now includes a modified Spridget (soon to have a 5 Speed), 64 E-Type and '48 Jag Mark 4. My dad passed in '06 at 90 yo and my mom is in a healthcare facility soon to be 96. when my dad was about 84 he passed the financial responsibilities over to me as the POA and my sister as the medical POA along with a new properly lawyered out will and trust that has worked out perfectly. Prior to this he had a will that he wrote up and witnessed by the neighbor which I know didn't cover all the aspects of the financial portion. I would suggest that a discussion prior to dementia would be in order. Good luck to you