Be the smartest person at your next meeting

Swank Force One wrote:

Gary wrote: It's fun and amusing to read, but in reality, at least in good companies, nothing lasts forever. Eventually the non-performing poseurs are discovered and weeded out. Saw it many times. But there's always a new buffoon to replace the old buffoon. I'll say again, I'm glad I'm retired.

Couldn't disagree with you more. Corporate America is soul-crushing.

I hear ya brother.

The last place I worked was the very definition of the "Peter principle". Almost everyone was promoted to the level of incompetence and they all LOVED to schedule meetings. They could waste 4 hours a day in meetings that, when over everyone would walk out totally unsure of what was actually covered or what the current plans were.

Lots of folks nodding and taking notes, repeating the last thing said and encouraging "outside the box thinking" Any actual progress was either accidental or the work of non management employees changing processes under the radar.

I still remember vividly the meeting where a particular millwright suggested using a spare transmission from a 53 Studebaker pickup he had as a mixer gearbox for one of our industrial process tanks. He was lauded for his "out of the box thinking and cost saving ideas" I pointed out the folly of depending on something that had no support base and could not be readily replaced in our production environment and was accused of trying to "move his cheese"

A line I've used in meetings more than once.

I find it highly amusing that "thinking outside the box" is a cliche.

kylini wrote:

HiTempguy wrote: If anyone brings up six sigma or black belts. Punch me in the god damn face and just kill me on the spot.

I'm honestly curious about this, since everyone talks about it as a way of improving efficiency but it just *reeks* of bullE36 M3.

Please spend 100 million on an SAP implementation that will never be finished (and balloon worse than an interest only mortgage) to meet the advanced manufacturing needs of your corporation in the most environmentally synerginastc way possible.

This coming from a guy who is in the process of getting another degree in project management.

It's not all bullE36 M3 but there is a lot of buzzword bingo from those who only appear to know what they're doing.

The problem I have with any of it is simply that SO MUCH OF IT IS COMMON SENSE.

Its like, uh, yea, duh, I didn't need to spend $xx,xxx to figure that out.

Probably the worst part about it is the fact that the skills taught do have value... Because so many people don't have those skills.

Its no different then walking into a technical lab and having the instructor explain what a crescent wrench is.

1) SAP is the devil all religions warned you about.
b) Meetings are a supplicant for people with no real defining role to get reassurance and to show their worth. It's church for business. Except the gods are real, and a lot like the old testament, they are needy psycho gods who will berkeley you up if you don't love them with your agreement.
III) Buzz-word bingo is more fun if someone else is playing along.

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: III) Buzz-word bingo is more fun if someone else is playing along.

Can I have skull session?

In reply to David S. Wallens:

Somewhere I have some Depeche Mode concert BINGO cards. Equally entertaining.

I've read that Project Managers make good money.

Every Project Manager i've work with has been so stupid i'm surprised they can talk and breathe at the same time. I could do their job twice as well while expending half the effort i make at my current position.

I should look into this.

In reply to Swank Force One:

That's partly why I went back to school despite all the other things going on in life right now.

Just earning the PMP would have been way faster though.

Swank Force One wrote:

Gary wrote: It's fun and amusing to read, but in reality, at least in good companies, nothing lasts forever. Eventually the non-performing poseurs are discovered and weeded out. Saw it many times. But there's always a new buffoon to replace the old buffoon. I'll say again, I'm glad I'm retired.

Couldn't disagree with you more. Corporate America is soul-crushing. I could post DAILY stories that would make you cry, but i'm afraid that it would bite me in the ass eventually, because even though i berkeleying hate this job and all the morons that surround me, i need a paycheck.

Not sure of your disagreement point. I believe I followed with "there's always a new buffoon to replace the old buffoon." In the companies I've worked for over 40 years the buffoons were indeed eventually recognized and eliminated. But new ones emerged to carry the torch. There were always a few in the organization at any given point in time. Incidentally, I personally never found corporate America to be soul crushing. Frustrating at times maybe, but overall it was very, very good to me. Maybe it depends on the individual company or your opinion of how you fit into the organization. The U. S. has a preponderance of great corporations. Nevertheless, I'm still glad to be retired.

Keith Tanner wrote: Actually, #3 is a good thing to do even if you're not trying to look smart. As we often say around here, "what's the real question?"

I like using #3, too- when the meeting drones on and gets boring going off in a random direction, not solving anything.

Not trying to look smart, trying to avoid falling asleep.

HiTempguy wrote: If anyone brings up six sigma or black belts. Punch me in the god damn face and just kill me on the spot.

We hired a guy who has a six sigma black belt. I was asking him questions about his black belt project and wanted to get a handle on his statistical skills. I asked what statistics he used for his project.

After some contemplation, he answered '40%'.

I love the OP. I'm going to use that at my next department meeting.

Always a classic:

The Expert

alfadriver wrote:

Keith Tanner wrote: Actually, #3 is a good thing to do even if you're not trying to look smart. As we often say around here, "what's the real question?"

I like using #3, too- when the meeting drones on and gets boring going off in a random direction, not solving anything. Not trying to look smart, trying to avoid falling asleep.

I used to work with an operations manager who was great and wrapping up this kind of meeting. He would ask:

'Is it A or is it B?'.

It was his tactful way of saying 'Flip a coin you idiots'.

One good thing about my office, we're all too smart for that sort of thing. We used to have one person who was into this stuff and reminded me very much of characters from "The Expert." We have an outside company we work with sometimes full of those kinds of characters...total PITA people...but with budget cuts, I've been replacing their work with better and cheaper in-house solutions

I might be the smartest person in a meeting anyway, but I try not to be a showoff about it

There are a couple of things (shall I use the word "milestones?") I experienced during my years that I believe led to a lot of the buffoonery we see in corporate America today. One was the rise of easily obtained night school MBAs in the seventies, and the Tom Peters' book "In Search of Excellence" published in 1982. First, I've seen a lot of people with MBAs who can surely talk the talk but don't have a lick of common biz sense to make things happen. Second, the Tom Peters book spawned a host of others over the years written by buffoons for buffoons. All the humorous biz-speak comes from MBA curriculums and biz-books. MBAs have a purpose, especially for CPAs and Finance people. But a good manager or CEO needs common business sense, and the skill to make things happen. You don't get that with an MBA curriculum.

Gary wrote: MBAs have a purpose, especially for CPAs and Finance people. But a good manager or CEO needs common business sense, and the skill to make things happen. You don't get that with an MBA curriculum.

Totally agree! And I have an MBA. Had to unlearn stuff to be successful.

Every time I hear "the definition of insanity", a part of me dies.

I'll put that down as an "ask". Ok, now, let's sharpen our pencils and do a blue sky. Have Walter right-size it. Boots on the ground by, what? Friday afternoon. Yes. That sounds right.

Swank Force One wrote: I've read that Project Managers make good money. Every Project Manager i've work with has been so stupid i'm surprised they can talk and breathe at the same time. I could do their job twice as well while expending half the effort i make at my current position. I should look into this.

Project managers are also the most powerful people in the office. They are the ones that sit in meetings with managers to help decide what steps to take next. Pissing off your PM is a sure fire way to get your current and future ideas killed. The PM keeps the moving pieces of the project going, but also decides what info gets passed on to management.

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: I'll put that down as an "ask". Ok, now, let's sharpen our pencils and do a blue sky. Have Walter right-size it. Boots on the ground by, what? Friday afternoon. Yes. That sounds right.

And don't forget the infamous "Five Year Plan". You know, the one that the managers all came up with while attending an offsite meeting at some swanky resort. The same plan that shows how the division will have RECORD profits by year 4, but first we have to get through years 1-3 which will be total money losers. If upper management swallows the plan then the current managers just gave themselves three years to get promoted before the ticking time bomb goes off.

In reply to Gary:

While I've only been in the business world since 1992, I think the start of the problems can date back much farther than the 80's- personally, I think it can date to when the "wiz kids" from the Ivy League school started to take over companies.

They were hired for where they went to school, not what they knew- and that's when one can see the ideas of 10 managers/worker start.

That's also the era that busness became all about numbers, and not remembering that there is an actual customer at the end of the assembly line. When the Japanese recognized that using proper tools, you can both save money and make a better product, we ignored that for about 20 years- to US companies general peril.

Then books started to be written.

And it became a common degree- go into engineering THEN an MBA- to get the highest salary. Those people drive me nuts.

Now to sing about it! (Weird Al - Mission Statement) http://youtube.com/watch?v=GyV_UG60dD4

The Boss: The person who listens to everyone else in a meeting, then relays a story from their last job that is supposed to mean something, the slowly re-states all of the to-dos that everyone else has already said and concludes with an unrealistic timeframe.