May this solstice and turning of the wheel bring you love, peace and good fortune in the coming year. Let us welcome the returning sun with hope and joy. May you never thirst.
Blessed be.
May this solstice and turning of the wheel bring you love, peace and good fortune in the coming year. Let us welcome the returning sun with hope and joy. May you never thirst.
Blessed be.
Is it possible to be political correct during the holidays?
'Twas the night before Solstice
by James Finn Garner
Twas the night before solstice and all through the co-op Not a creature was messing the calm status quo up.
the children were nestled all snug in their beds, Dreaming of lentils and warm whole-grain breads.
We'd welcomed the winter that day after school By dancing and drumming and burning the Yule,
A more meaningful gesture to honor the planet Than buying more trinkets for Mom or Aunt Janet,
Or choosing a tree just to murder and stump it And dress it all up like a seasonal strumpet.
My lifemate and I, having turned down the heat, Slipped under the covers for a well-deserved sleep,
When from out on the lawn there came such a roar I fell from my futon and rolled to the floor.
I crawled to the window and pulled back the latch, And muttered, "Aw, where is that Neighborhood Watch?"
I saw there below through the murk of the night A sleigh and eight reindeer of nonstandard height.
At the reins of that sleigh sat a mean-hearted knave Who treated each deer like his persunal slave.
I'd seen him before in some ads for car loans, Plus fast food and soft drinks and cellular phones.
He must have cashed in from his mercantile chores, Since self-satisfaction just oozed from his pores.
He called each by name, as if he were right To treat them like humans, entrenching his might:
"Now Donder, now Blitzen," and other such aliases, Showing his true Eurocentrical biases.
With a snap of his fingers away they all flew, Like lumberjacks served up a plate of tofu.
Up to the rooftop they carried the sleigh (The holes in the shingles are there to this day).
Out bounded the man, who sent straight to the flue. I knew in an instant just what I should do.
After donning my slippers, downstairs did I dash to see this trespasser emerge from the ash.
His clothes were all covered with soot, but of course, >From our wood-fueled alternative energy source.
Through the grime I distinguished the make of his duds-- He was dressed all in fur, fairly dripping with blood.
"We're a cruelty-free house!" I proclaimed with such heat He was startled and tripped on the logs at his feet.
He stood back up dazed, but with mirth in his eyes. It was then that I noticed his unhealthy size.
He was almost as wide as when standing erect, A lover of fatty fried foods, I suspect.
But that wasn't all to make sane persuns choke: In his teeth sat a pipe that was belching out smoke!
I could scarcely believe what invaded our house. This carcinogenic and overweight louse
Was so red in the face from his energy spent, I expected a heart attack right there and then.
Behind him he toted a red velvet bag Full to exploding with sinister swag.
He asked, "Where is your tree?" with a face somewhat long. I said, "Out in the yard, which is where it belongs."
"But where will I put all the presents I've brought?" I looked at him squarely and said, "Take the lot
"To some frivolous people who think that they need to succumb to the sickness of commerce and greed,
"Whose only joy comes from he act of consuming, Thus sending the stock of the retailers booming."
He blinked and said, "Ho, ho, ho! But you're kidding." I gave him a stare that was stern and forbidding.
"Surely children need something with which to have fun? It's like childhood's over before it's begun."
He looked in my eyes for some sign of assent, But I strengthened my will and refused to relent.
"They have plenty of fun," I cut to the gist, "And your mindless distractions have never been missed.
"They take CPR so that they can save lives, And go door-to-door for the used clothing drives.
"They recycle, renew, reuse--and reveal For saving the planet a laudable zeal.
"When they padlock themselves to a fence to protest Against nuclear power, we think they're the best."
He said, "But they're children--lo, when do they play?" I countered, "Is that why you've driven your sleigh,
"To bring joy to the hearts of each child and tot? All right, open your bag; let's see what you've got."
He sheepishly did as I'd asked and behold! A Malibu Barbie in a skirt made of gold.
"You think that my girls will like playing with this, An icon of sexist, consumerist kitsch?
"With it's unnatural figure and airheaded grin, This trollop make every girl yearn to be thin,
" And take up fad diets and binging and purging Instead of respecting her own body's urging
"To welcome the shape that her body has found And rejoice to be lanky, short, skinny, or round."
Deep in his satchel he searched for a toy, Saying, "This is a hit with most little boys."
And what did he put in my trembling hand But a gun from the BrainBlaster Power Command!
"It's a 'hit,' to be sure," I sneered in his face, "And a plague to infect the whole human race!
"How 'bout grenades or some working bazookas To turn all of our kids into half-wit palookas?"
I seized on his bag just to see for myself The filth being spread by this odious elf.
An Easy-Bake Oven--ah, goddess, what perfidy! To hoodwink young girls into household captivity!
Plus an archer play set with shafts that fly out, The very thing needed to put your eye out.
And toy metal tractors, steam shovels, and cranes For tearing down woodlands and scarring the plains,
Plus "games" like Monopoly, Pay Day, Tycoon, As if lessons in greed can't start up too soon.
And even more weapons from BrainBlastersCo., Like cannons and nunchucks and ray guns that glow.
That's all I could find in his red velvet sack-- Perverseness and mayhem to set us all back.
(But I did find one book that caused me to ponder-- Some fine bedtime tales by a fellow named Garner.)
"We need none of this," I announced in a huff, "No 'business-as-usual' holiday stuff.
"We sow in our offspring more virtue than this. Your 'toys' offer some things they never will miss."
The big man's expression was a trifle bereaved As he shouldered his pack and got ready to leave.
"I pity the kids who grow up around here, Who're never permitted to be of good cheer,
"Who aren't allowed leisure for leisure's own sake, But must fret every minute--it makes my heart break!"
"Enough histrionics! Don't pity our kids If they don't do as Macy's or Toys 'R' Us bids.
"They live by their principles first and foremost And know what's important," to him did I boast.
"Pray, could I meet them" "Oh no, they're not here. They're up on the roof, liberating your deer!"
Then Santa Claus sputtered and pointed his finger But, mad as he was, he had no time to linger.
He flew up the chimney like smoke from a fire, And up on the roof I heard voices get higher.
I ran outside the co-op to see him react To my children's responsible, kindhearted act.
He chased them away, and disheartened , dismayed, He rehitched his reindeer (who'd docilely stayed).
I watched with delight as he scooted off then. He'd be too embarrassed to come back again.
But with parting disdain, do you know what he said, When this overweight huckster took off in his sled?
This reindeer enslaver, this exploiter of elves? "Happy Christmas to all, but get over yourselves!!"
Wow... that was an exceptionally E36 M3ty thing to post.
In reply to AClockworkGarage:
I agree.
Merry ChristmaHannuKwanza yall!
Um. Fact check. It isn't Santa Claus that brings children expensive and inappropriate gifts. It's their often materialistic parents who overspend in an attempt to buy their childrens' love and impress the neighbors. Let's all take responsibility for our actions this Christmas and remember the reason for the season.
AClockworkGarage wrote: Wow... that was an exceptionally E36 M3ty thing to post.
You read it?
spitfirebill wrote:AClockworkGarage wrote: Wow... that was an exceptionally E36 M3ty thing to post.You read it?
It's about these, right?
spitfirebill wrote:AClockworkGarage wrote: Wow... that was an exceptionally E36 M3ty thing to post.You read it?
I did, I thought it was funny and well-written 
spitfirebill wrote:AClockworkGarage wrote: Wow... that was an exceptionally E36 M3ty thing to post.You read it?
Funny, but a little long.
Let The Flying Spaghetti Monster bless thee with His noodley appendage.
YAY! BLOOD ORGY!
While im personally not religious at all i got a chuckle out of it. We celebrate christmas because of family. No matter what you celebrate i hope you have a great season and a great new year!
io Saturnalia!
I will be killing a freezer full of meat on Christmas Eve. And I will be wearing leather boots and gloves as I do it. Using a new rifle that gives me consumeristic joy.
Que?
Pagans are members of a religion; the solstice is an important day for them. Acting like wishing them well on their holiday is being "politically correct" and mocking it with a silly poem is exactly like mocking someone for saying "merry Christmas."
dculberson wrote: "merry Christmas."
I didn't see this as mocking pagans at all. I took it as a mocking of the commercialization of christmas. People get so offended when you say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas", but turning it in to a Hallmark holiday with a magical bearded man giving out material objects should be more offensive to the delicate theists.
Huckleberry wrote:dculberson wrote: "merry Christmas."
"No, I think he's really hurt."
"What, I said haha."
Death is the way to life.
Blessed be.
In reply to Huckleberry:
That's a strange patch, they don't normally have a bottom rocker at all.
Those pagans believe in Angels though, and really really don't like them.
The season is the reason.
Why thank you. Paganism is as close as I would ever get to religion. Still not religious, but it's a good natural milestone to celebrate even without any supernatural aspect to it.
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