Brilliant move by a friend getting a divorce

drainoil wrote:

84FSP wrote: Torture by old Mercedes is an inventive solution to this problem... LOL - I had a friend fiugure out that none of the financial folks doing the divorce looked at the Mortgage Escrow accounts. He knew it was getting bad and that she had no intention of taking custody of the kids so he plowed tons of $ into the Mortgage Escrow account over a period of two years while he collected pictures of her cheating via a Private Investigator...

PI's still exist?

If they do they don't operate in "no fault" states. In those if you present evidence of the other parties misconduct you are guilty of "character assassination" and the judge treats you even worse than usual.

If what I've observed of the vast majority of divorces is any indication: both parties are guilty and they're both coming up with petty ways to get a final dig at the other.

...this one is at least mildly amusing and will harm the other person only if they are more greedy than shrewd, and will backfire if it turns out they aren't.

put three head on shrimp in bag put in kickplate

I guess I don't understand divorce. You spend all those years loving someone and raising kids,only to end it by trying to berkeley the partner over before they berkeley you over. I just find it sad and not really gloat worthy.

In reply to bearmtnmartin:

I suppose it has to do with giving over everything you have and are, committing fully to a person and relationship, putting all of your eggs in that basket only to discover that they were lying, dumping you, stealing your children, your home, and your money for the next decade and more. For which you have literally no say in the matter.

It's a kick in the nuts the likes of which some never fully recover.

TLDR: If things work, that's great. When they implode, they can go south in a big way.

bearmtnmartin wrote: I guess I don't understand divorce. You spend all those years loving someone and raising kids,only to end it by trying to berkeley the partner over before they berkeley you over. I just find it sad and not really gloat worthy.

Because people who still love and care for each other aren't getting divorced.

Sure, there are couples that realizes they've grown in different directions and need some sort of mutual change. More often, both people don't want to admit that they're at least partially culpable for the marriage deteriorating, or to admit that that they are the source of their own dissatisfaction; so they blame it on the other person and have to treat them poorly to convince themselves that they aren't a bad person.

In reply to Beer Baron:

Well put.

Beer Baron wrote:

bearmtnmartin wrote: I guess I don't understand divorce. You spend all those years loving someone and raising kids,only to end it by trying to berkeley the partner over before they berkeley you over. I just find it sad and not really gloat worthy.

Because people who still love and care for each other aren't getting divorced. Sure, there are couples that realizes they've grown in different directions and need some sort of mutual change. More often, both people don't want to admit that they're at least partially culpable for the marriage deteriorating, or to admit that that they are the source of their own dissatisfaction; so they blame it on the other person and have to treat them poorly to convince themselves that they aren't a bad person.

Well said.

Although I still love/care for my ex, and she does too. It's exactly what you described, we had moved too far in separate directions to find any kind of common ground to return to.

We both admit we were equally at fault. And we are still on friendly terms ;) .

bearmtnmartin wrote: I guess I don't understand divorce. You spend all those years loving someone and raising kids,only to end it by trying to berkeley the partner over before they berkeley you over. I just find it sad and not really gloat worthy.

Have you ever been party to an inheritance? It brings out the worst in people.

Criminal court is bad people at their absolute best.

Divorce court is good people at their absolute worst.

Two things that break up a marriage: Money and Lack of Communication.

Lack of Communication is usually Lack of Communication about Money.

Funny how money never truly does buy happiness. You know what buys happiness? Learning to live at a standard of living less than what you make. I wager the couple in question makes a combined annual income north of a quarter million dollars a year. Yet they're living like they make 300k.

I've seen a lot of people who I know personally get divorced. And it was always both people's fault. This Mercedes move sounds clever, but I guarantee you it's going to end up berkeleying both of them in the ass. Guaranteed.

While I appreciate the simplicity of hogs and chemicals, the hassle of being the guy who's wife disappeared mid divorce sucks, just ask Cal Harris.

I would rather disappear with a nice nest egg, start a new life and let her be suspect in my disappearance.

Back to the op, that plan wouldn't work for me. My wife has seen the E36 M3 show from her father trading his truck for an older S class.

captdownshift wrote: It's not just the funds spent on the kids, it's the level of competition they've been pushed into with only 1 of the 3 enjoying it, the travel schedule to cities for meets that the kids only get to see a hotel and gym at. The fact that they're on the road every weekend and have practice 4 nights during the week and never have time as a family unit.

I suspect the number is way higher than $15k. I've heard it's possible around here to spend $20k/yr for ONE kid to play hockey. Total insanity.

mfennell wrote:

captdownshift wrote: It's not just the funds spent on the kids, it's the level of competition they've been pushed into with only 1 of the 3 enjoying it, the travel schedule to cities for meets that the kids only get to see a hotel and gym at. The fact that they're on the road every weekend and have practice 4 nights during the week and never have time as a family unit.

I suspect the number is way higher than $15k. I've heard it's possible around here to spend $20k/yr for ONE kid to play hockey. Total insanity.

How the berkeley? I could spec race for half of that.

Have you priced hockey equipment?

Women in divorce get the kids, cars, house, etc. Men in divorce get the credit card bills, lawyer bills, alimony, private school bill, etc. In this age of "equality" and feminism, marriage is an antiquated notion. In no fault states your wife can run up the bills and screw your best friend and as a man you have no recourse. I prefer to have my skin attached to my body myself.

When I first skimmed the original post, I thought he was selling you his pretty mercedes for like $100. My dad acquired lots of nice things for cheap during his friends divorces. This is far more devious. Especially because I'm willing to bet she'll be taking it to a dealer for parts and service, although it may berkeley him if somehow he has to pay vehicle maintenance to keep the kids mobile or some other bullE36 M3 lawyer trickery.

Beer Baron wrote:

mfennell wrote:

captdownshift wrote: It's not just the funds spent on the kids, it's the level of competition they've been pushed into with only 1 of the 3 enjoying it, the travel schedule to cities for meets that the kids only get to see a hotel and gym at. The fact that they're on the road every weekend and have practice 4 nights during the week and never have time as a family unit.

I suspect the number is way higher than $15k. I've heard it's possible around here to spend $20k/yr for ONE kid to play hockey. Total insanity.

How the berkeley? I could spec race for half of that.

Ice time is expensive. $400 an hour around here for prime time; maybe $175 for non prime time (i.e. 11PM on a Tuesday or 6AM on a Saturday). Then you have to pay for ref's--usually between $40 and $200 a game depending on the level. For upper levels (in either age or talent) the coach will be paid. Ignoring the refs and the coaches, if the season goes from October to March, we have 24 weeks--a travel team will have 2 practices and 2 games a week, if not more--so say that they're paying for 3 sheets of ice a week, that is $1,200 a week for 24 weeks for 15 kids, or $1,920 per player. That is before tournaments (2 to 5 a year, $200 to $400 plus hotel fees), the coaches fees, the ref's fees, insurance, jerseys, paying the league director(s), etc. Oh, and don't forget you'll be doing a clinic over Christmas too on powerskating or stick handling.

Now you're done with the season, and you have spring league. This is usually around $500-$1000 a player. Done with that? Ok, now we have to do a summer camp--between $300 and $1500 a player.

That doesn't even include any of the AAA programs (players who think they can play in college or go pro)--those are often $15,000 on their own.

The equipment actually isn't too bad--for kids, buy used and do hand-me-downs, then players tend to not get a lot of new equipment. At 26, I'm using my helmet and gloves from when I was 18 and 15 respectively, my skates are new this year after 8 years (harder use than most since I reffed in them as well), my shin guards are new this year after 12 years in my last ones--and I only replaced them because my dad saw a crack and gave me new ones for my birthday. My pants were replaced last year after I tore my 10 year old ones as well. Unless you break sticks at an alarming rate, the equipment is generally made to last.

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.

Especially when she's been boning her coworkers.

I'm glad us dumb southerners don't do hockey.

Beer Baron wrote:

mfennell wrote: I suspect the number is way higher than $15k. I've heard it's possible around here to spend $20k/yr for ONE kid to play hockey. Total insanity.

How the berkeley? I could spec race for half of that.

I've heard it more than once. Most of these children would be better served by putting that money into 529 accounts IMHO.

The idea of divorce fills me with sadness. One of my best friends is a man I've known for 30+ years. I got him back together with the woman he married, who I've known as long. I was his best man and his daughters godless heathen "godfater". I helped him get into a career track where he'd finally get ahead.

Still, 22 or so years in, it imploded. 3 kids all about 7 years apart, his life in ruin. Professionally he ~just~ managed to hang on to his gig through the advocacy of colleagues who really cared about him and who knew he'd be his great self again. Some day.

So I see divorce as a really serious, bad deal. And those who dip below a common, decent moral high ground to be questionable in their judgement.

I'm very, very aware of how great my wife and I have it. We knew going in we most likely weren't going in the direction of having kids, preferring work, travel, cats and renovation. We set up from day one with a financial structure of an "our money into which we pay on % of earnings" plus out own accounts we had for the balance. We support each other, and try to be kind and empathetic because that's what people do. We're both atheists and like 98% of the same odd music.

On the day her mom died, a few hours later - my stuff was all set up in the paddock at Summit Point from the day prior - she asked "If we leave right now, can you still make your qualifying race? I mean, there's nothing we can do here..."

So this person is the biggest thing in my world above all, and while I understand people growing apart, the idea of it make me feel sort of ill.

In reply to motomoron:
It gets worse. If you really want to get a good sad going, check out the rates of bankruptcy, depression, substance abuse, and suicide that accompany divorce.

And when you factor in the 50/50 crapshoot of having a marriage go south (a rate that gets higher with each subsequent marriage BTW) willingly choosing to marry and reproduce takes a lot of optimism IMO.

From my personal experience it was a lack of knowledge, understanding, and experience about life, women, and the world in general, that led to the end of my first marriage. In hindsight she was someone who was a friend, that happened to be attracted to me...but not so much the other way around. I mistook that as loyalty(after having been through a seriously E36 M3ty relationship the prior 2-years), and my naivety that our common interests in music, art, etc. were the important facets, constituted the shaky foundation of the whole relationship.

After she was pregnant(unexpectedly) I considered it my "duty" to stick around...despite the constant blame for her unhappiness being my fault/problem. Eventually, I finally wised up. When she started directing her anger toward me onto our daughter, I knew that was the end.

I put a lot of introspective thought on "who" in general terms I wanted to spend my life with, and was very fortunate to find her. I'm also happy to say that over time my ex & I have returned to having a cordial friendship.

It sucks it had to happen, but in the end we have a wonderful daughter we're both very proud of.