inspired by the clarkson honda insight bashing thread.
what are your favorite clarkson slights for cars he hates?
one that always makes me chuckle is when he was describing the handling of a vauxhall vectra VXR and said that the result of all the extra power was "catastrophic understeer"
While I can't recall any exact phrases, I laughed hard at him dumping on American pickup trucks. And I love trucks.
(Why the hell did they give him a Lightning of all trucks?)
"One better than a Peugeot 207 is...umm...let me work it out...it's herpes."
Appleseed wrote: While I can't recall any exact phrases, I laughed hard at him dumping on American pickup trucks. And I love trucks. (Why the hell did they give him a Lightning of all trucks?)
Yeah, my Gen2 Lightning friends weren't too happy about that. 
To be fair, that one was a right hand drive conversion, and the fit and finish wasn't the best.
I like the "from the country that brought you friendly fire...." and pretty much everything bad that he says about the French.
"like smearing honey on Keira Knightley" 
Oh. Wait. you said for cars he hates. Nevermind.
On the Brooklands: "You've got to compare this thing to Elgar...and he won't do 175."
Not cars he hates but people
"Cheese eating surrender monkeys" - Classic
From his book "on cars":
"Vehicles should be classed on speed. The classes would be: Terrifying, fast, average, slow and Volkswagen."
From the Hummer H2 episode:
"It's got a door handle so strong, not even a six year-old could break it"
Shawn
Jay_W wrote: "like smearing honey on Keira Knightley"
those sayings are good too
He has some of the best lines ... "In the World"
^^Hah, I automatically read that in a Clarkson voice .
Hahaha I love the sketch where that one dude creates Clarkson Island and says "In the world!" every three words.
I re-watched the Vietnam episode last night...it wasn't about a car, but I laughed for about 5 minutes straight, to Hammond:
"Cheer me up: kill yourself."
On the Renault Clio V6: "Imagine watching the entire French air force crash into a fireworks factory. That's how much of a laugh this car is."
On the Hummer H2: "It's a Roman orgy, a Hawaiian barbecue, a Viennese waltz, and a helicopter gunship attack on Las Vegas, all rolled into one... it's fantastic!"
Luke wrote: ^^Hah, I automatically read that in a Clarkson voice
Ha ha ha, me too. Impossible not to.
[about the Porsche Cayman S] There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.
[On the McLaren Mercedes SLR] When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said "Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!" They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.
The Chrysler Crossfire has to be the worst example of American-German cooperation since a chap called Adolphus Busch arrived in the States, tasted the water, and thought 'MMMM, I could make BEER out of this! And we ended up with that headache in a can called Budweiser.
911, It wants to kill you
Clarkson; addressing the studio audience "How many Porshe 911 drivers are here tonight?" No one responds "See what I mean! The've all been killed." 
"its worse than the sound of your parachute not opening"
i cant even say that line with a straight face...
-J0N
'You'd have to sit a dog on a ham slicer.' 
Adrian_Thompson wrote: Not cars he hates but people "Cheese eating surrender monkeys" - Classic
Sorry, Groundskeeper Willie deserves the credit. The term was popularized during the Iraq War by Jonah Goldberg on National Review Online.
I can't remember the car it was but he referred to the sound as "god having really angry sex"
about the insight
Its the only car Id like to drive into a tree, On purpose, to avoid having to drive it any further
On driving a large lori... "shift gear, shift gear, shift gear, murder a prostitute, shift gear..."
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=45832683
http://www.google.com/search?q=truckers%20suspected%20in%20prostitute%20murders&sa=N&hl=en&tab=fw
Ah well, if the BBC ever lets him go, he can work for US law enforcement.
PeteWW wrote:Adrian_Thompson wrote: Not cars he hates but people "Cheese eating surrender monkeys" - ClassicSorry, Groundskeeper Willie deserves the credit. The term was popularized during the Iraq War by Jonah Goldberg on National Review Online.
AAhh crap, well it's a great phrase anyway. OK, can I offer up this instead
“It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.”
or
"There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”
Re The Boxter and Caymnan S respectivly
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