Confessions of a Serial (Machinery) Abuser

I was talking with a co-worker about when to let kids start using yard equipment, and sharing some of the stuff I did as a kid in my pre-driver's license days...

I think I was around 8 or 9 the first time dad let me drive his tractor. The following is a list of my accomplishments on his tractors:

1. While mowing the lawn, on a grade, the tractor lost a back wheel and it went down the hill. I was left sitting on the mower, dumfounded. This one was probably not my fault.

2. I put an old Halloween pumpkin on the ground and proceeded to push it around the yard with the tractor. Finally I plowed it into a tree, smashing up the front of the tractor in the process.

3. I decided to roll the tractor down a steep grade in neutral to see how fast I could go. About halfway down the hill, the tractor accelerating rapidly, I got scared and slammed on the brake. The tiny brake couldn’t slow down the speeding tractor so I jammed the shifter into gear. The tractor shuttered to a stop, with a sound like the whole thing as going to shake itself to bits. Later that day, driving it into the garage, the whole bottom of the transmission fell off, gears and oil spilling everywhere. I'm not sure those two events were entirely unrelated...

4. I rigged up a piece of fishing line to the throttle governor on the engine, so that at full throttle I could still get more revs out of the engine, and go faster. I dubbed it the “Overspeed Unlimited”. I used to drag race my brother on his bike from one end of the yard to the other. I would win.

5. I drove over the septic tank after a bad rain storm and got the tractor mired in the stinky, slimy mud. We had to use the truck to pull it out.

6. I would put the tractor in Reverse, on the driveway, go as fast as possible backwards, then quickly shift into the highest gear, lean backwards, and dump the clutch, pulling wheelies.

7. I drove the tractor into a hole in the yard, bending the front axle backwards.

8. I once attempted to “snowblow” the driveway using the mowing deck.

In the 10 years or so that I was living at home and using his tractor on a regular basis, he went through a Sears Craftsman, a Dynamark, and a Cub Cadet. The Cub was on its last legs (for some reason…) when I moved out after college, he nursed it along for a few more years and finally bought a Husqvarna, which he’s had ever since.

Yeah...I'm never letting my kids touch my stuff.

Oh man. The things I did to tools and equipment and our house as a kid. I am not looking forward to those days with the little ones. My only hope is that I'm going to be a lot more hands on than my dad was, so maybe - just maybe - they'll be more aware of the consequences. But I know that's mostly fantasy on my part.

A Snapper Comet will pull the front wheels in 5th if you goose the governor at the same moment you let off the brake. Leaning back in the seat helps with weight transfer. My brother and I were banned from using the riding mower for a little while after that discovery.

Not me, but we weren't the first to discover this trick apparently:

When my dad realized how i treated the mower he bought another cheap one just to keep me from messing with the good one. Within a few months it had a straight pipe, dual rear wheels, and a back seat. If somebody was sitting in the backseat it would ride wheelies indefinitely.

In reply to gearheadmb:

This is what I recommended to my co-worker. Buy his son his own cheap used beater mower, and "save" his Kubota.

In reply to volvoclearinghouse:

If the kid is into it its a really fantastic way to learn things. It will start with "righty tighty" and before long he will know how to diagnose a no start. I think its great.

In reply to gearheadmb:

I watched my three year old smash my quarter inch ratchet into the Nissan emblem of my wifes X-Terra a couple days ago while I was putting new battery terminals on it to "fix the car." I thanked her for helping and all proud of herself she put it back in the correct spot on my pegboard next to the other ratchets.

I figure she's about 80% of the way to being able to actually fix something given those facts.

A White Z200 zero turn will show daylight under the front casters if you slam both handles forward on a slight uphill.

When i broke the riding mower pulling wheelies i spent the next 3 years push mowing my dads yard. Blew a headgasket on his toyota pick up. I walked until i got it fixed. My dad wasnt a fan of handing me a replacement after i broke something.

In reply to The0retical:

My 3 yr old daughter does this, too. The last time I had her in the shop, I handed her a matchbox car, still in the box. She proceeded to rip it open, look at it for a bit, and then take every standard-sized wrench out of my toolbox and pile them on the floor next to the car, taking turns tapping on the car with each wrench. The amazing thing was, the car was an Aston Martin, and she actually grabbed all standard-sized wrenches.

It also means, she knows that even a new British car will need work.

After I got the tractor held up, by the deck, on the only tree in the yard I wasn't allowed to use it until I turned double digits. By age 12 it was on though. The deck rotted out, and low and behold cheaper to buy a whole spare tractor than a deck, so I had a "weight reduced" tractor all my own to play with. The 3 speed would lift the front of the ground in third, or tow a car in first.

That thing could take abuse. Rolled it cutting the bank, rolled it backwards off a truck when the boards we were using for ramps shifted when I backed up to them, it threw me off on the hill one day and almost made it to the creek, and the clutch and brake being the same pedal meant hole shots every shift. Good times.

I have some concerns about what my child will do, but I feel somewhat safe in knowing that most stuff around here is either proven unbreakable by me or lifetime warranted. That's not to say I'm not still breaking things on a pretty regular basis myself, just that if she's smart she'll be able to blame it on me.

A Case 442 with the rototiller on the back will wheelie for quite a distance.

I think the worst I did was the time I pulled the beater riding mower up to the garage to fill the tires, I was in a hurry for some reason or just had a colossal moment of stupid (as many 12 year old boys do) so I left the governor cranked up and the transmission in gear, just set the pedal catch/parking brake and got off. Apparently I didn't get it latched properly because right after I got off it popped a wheelie and drove into the newish garage door, the dent is still there.

slefain wrote: A Snapper Comet will pull the front wheels in 5th if you goose the governor at the same moment you let off the brake. Leaning back in the seat helps with weight transfer. My brother and I were banned from using the riding mower for a little while after that discovery. Not me, but we weren't the first to discover this trick apparently:

Done that many of times. Snapper got wise, now they have a slip clutch on the drive wheel so it won't wheelie any more. Of course with older Snapper parts you can get around it.

Riding mower?

psshh...

This is how I pissed off my dad at a very young age.

By age 11 or so, I figured out 7th gear, high range, 3/4 throttle a quick clutch release made it stand right up.

torque is a beautiful thing.

The neighbors had a shed full of lawn equipment that got beat on regularly. One of our favorite stunts was getting the John Deere 8 hp snowblower fired up and then putting flaming tennis balls soaked in gasoline through it or golf balls. It hurled them quite well.

I spent a lot of time over and my cousins, and vise versa. Growing up, my uncles where bigger kids than us. By time I was 6-7 were were racing lawn mowers up the driveway. A pulley swap and a coat hanger on the governor meant either roasting the tires or big wheels. By time I was 8-9 he got Honda Odysseys and four wheelers.

I guess when i was 10 or so we build this super awesome go cart. My uncle had this small pond that would dry up and turn I to a mud pit. He kept teasing me and trying to get me to take the go cart throw it... I said no ill get stuck. He just smile and said not if you go fast enough. Challenge accepted. I hit the pond doing about 30mph. As soon as I hit the mud I was sideways, but didn't really slow down any. Hit the bank sideways coming out, went way air born (still sideways) and then landed sideways. Ripped the rear out, twisted the frame, but didn't roll it somehow... Which is good sense it didn't have a roll cage or a seat belt.

At 10 we got a jeep cj5.

We tore a few things up in my time.

I've been guilty of #6. Super easy to do with a hydrostat.

A few weeks ago I went back home to visit. While waiting for breakfast at a local diner, I say the older brother of a highschool girlfriend. He & I had a nice chat about her & the rest of his family & such.

After a few minutes another guy came by & Fred said "Here's somebody you knew. I looked at the guy & told him I was sure I'd known him but couldn't quiet remember because it's been 50 years. We introduced ourselves to each other & his response was "I remember putting in tobacco with you & you're tying a string to the tractor's governor so it'd go faster". Yep, that was me.

Edited to add, I've been mowing lawns since I was 7 and driving since I was 11.

I have never broken a lawnmower.

I have only blown one engine. It had 400K miles on it.

I have only broken one transmission. It was a automatic with 250K on it.

You guys are dangerous, don't ask to borrow my mower.

I will say, my father was very heavy handed with anyone who did not take care of his equipment.

I spent 3 hours cutting grass, with a pair of scissors, as punishment for trying to make the lawnmower spin the tires.

I have spent two days with a shovel, digging a truck out of a ditch, after I backed it in there. And then spent another day repairing the ditch. Dad would ride by on the backhoe every hour or two to check on me. That was a very memorable lesson.

I have seen him fire an equipment operator, because a backhoe was squeaking from lack of grease. No hoopla, just walked up and asked the guy why it was squeaking. The answer was he forgot to grease it. Dad fired him on the spot.

I am now 50, and he is 78. To this day, if you don't take care of his stuff, you just don't use it.

Needless to say, I learned how to take care of things.

I also learned how to not get caught.

Toyman01 wrote: I also learned how to not get caught.

Anybody else figure out that lawnmowers would rev like a dirtbike engine if you took the blade off?

We always used to just eliminate the governor altogether...