Considering a new job

Wally has not gone down that road since he got married as far as I know, but we're all expecting it.

In reply to trigun7469 :

I thought you were heading down the path of buying a franchise auto repair? 

Maybe that wasn't you?  Maybe that didn't come to fruition? 

93gsxturbo said:

My father in law had a few jobs like that and always got a decent 1 bedroom apartment out in the burbs for a reasonable rate.  Worked good enough for him.  

I gotta say though, unless it was a million dollar a year position at a blowjob factory, no way would I want a 200 mile per day commute.  To each their own, but my free time is way more valuable than that.  

I couldn't give blowjobs all day even for a million a year. Just not my thing. 

In reply to Steve_Jones :

Mr 93GSX`s idea of a dream job might be different than yours. Not that there's anything wrong with it! 

Any job that would make you either 1) drive hours per day or 2) uproot your family, better be a hell of an upgrade over what you're currently doing. A bit more money to deal with all of these hassles doesn't seem worth it to me from a quality of life standpoint.

In reply to John Welsh :

I am still planning that it just so happens that the location that I am interested in purchasing is a existing repair shop in Cleveland. This is more investment and not a fulltime job, but I realize a business is 24/7 responsibility.

In reply to STM317 :

Salary and benefits are better, it's a lateral position change but there is more opportunity as it's a bigger college. I can also seek a doctorate and have it fully paid for which might leverage me to other positions. My current job, on the 3rd president with financial issues a boot, Education cliff (loss on population for college students) and I have made it through 3-4 rounds of cuts and I don't think I have the stomach to do that will no raises or ways to evaluate. This is a tough decision, but I think the sooner I get my family up to Cleveland the better, I have 2 scenarios one is to commute for a month or so then move everyone into a house or apartment in December, when school has concluded for break. I will hopefully get some of the money back from the private school in this scenario. Second scenario is too tough it out and wait until the end of the school year and commute or have a small apartment. My dad actually commuted for 3 years and it sucked to say the least but I was older and my siblings were moved out of the house so it wasn't as critical. I am taking my wife up to cleveland this weekend to show her around and make a decision this weekend.

200 miles per day.

5 days a week x 52 weeks = 260 working/driving days per year = 52,000 miles per year.  That's a lot of miles.  
You will go through cars quickly.

Time wise, 1.5 hour in the morning and 1.5 hours in the afternoon or 3 hours per day is the reality of a second job's worth of time.  

I did a 90 mile commute (180 miles a day) for 18 months. Most days involved additional driving so my total for the first year was 53k . Lots of financial reasons to do it and it was a company truck so zero costs to me but time. 

I wouldn’t do it with young children. It was hard. The “only” thing it cost me was time. I was away from home for 12.5 to 13 hours a day and it was too much.

Again, a nice raise, company vehicle, just time and I wouldn’t do it again.

In reply to Keith Tanner :

It's funny because many would say that Wally is a hard working guy who busts his ass for his family, and maybe he really is, but the fact that she still works isn't a good balance IMO. 

But he's also avoiding the far more challenging role of being a parent. 

As someone who is around my child probably 80% of what my wife is (less home projects, daycare dropoff, an occasional bike ride) I can definitely say that if I had a job that allowed me to be away all week, even if that job was super intense, it'd probably be 100% easier than being a full-time parent. 

The only parents are I know who are happy in those situations are stay at home parents who only work for fun. One is a dad who's wife is a Doctor, and he makes a beer podcast for fun and some extra spending money. She's home a good bit too, but he does all the errands and dropoffs and homework help and playdates. Another is a woman who's husband makes almost 6 figures in construction and works 4x10 schedule, but she lives right down the street from her parents and her sister and near long time friends so she spends most of her week doing social fun stuff and getting help from parents, it works for them, but only because of her unique social/family situation. I think she'd be miserable if she didn't have her sister and parents nearby. Those are the two "remote dad" situations I can think of. 

In reply to trigun7469 :

I haven't read all the other replies so this may have been suggested already, but a Prius.

I drive a 140 mile round trip for work in a '17 Prius prime. It's comfy, and will a full battery gets about 75mpg 1 way, 55 with the battery depleted. 

John Welsh said:

200 miles per day.

5 days a week x 52 weeks = 260 working/driving days per year = 52,000 miles per year.  That's a lot of miles.  
You will go through cars quickly.

 

Time wise, 1.5 hour in the morning and 1.5 hours in the afternoon or 3 hours per day is the reality of a second job's worth of time.  

The 200 mile commute would only be for 6-8 months he said. 

I've led a fairly unique life career wise, as I've relocated 8 (9?) times over the years, so I've probably been through this more than 99.9% of the population.  Moving can be stressful for a couple / family, but in some ways it's only as stressful as you make it out to be. If you are the type of couple that "has" to be on top of each other all the time, this can be tough and probably won't work.  We are both pretty independent, and I've always traveled a lot for business.  Me working from home for the last 18 months on top of each other daily has been more stressful than me traveling or us being apart during relocations for short periods.

In particular with the kids, they will feed off your motions.  If you portray moving as this big crisis it will be stressful on them, if not, kids are very resilient and will make new friends and adapt.  Way more so than the average adults.  I've told my son numerous times that this house is just a collection of sticks and bricks, but our home is wherever we sleep at night as a family.  I've got plenty of friends that have moved around a lot, domestically and internationally, and their kids are some of the most mature / well rounded you'll meet.  

I'm probably not as doom and gloom as some of the responses, as I've been through this many a time.  During some of those moves, the timing didn't work to do it during the summers.  So my wife stayed with our son to finish the school year as a "single mom", the max was 3 of 4 months I think.  Fortunately, we are in a position where she doesn't need to work, and we've always made friends wherever we lived so she was never "alone".

In most cases, we just bought in the new location (usually first or second weekend), but there have been a few times where I needed to start immediately in the new location, and it took some time to find a house, or close on the house, and I ended up in short term housing of one type or another.

There are short term furnished rentals everywhere.  Not hard to find, but often expensive as the nice ones cater to the corporate relo folks who frankly don't care what it costs as it's not their dime.  My experience has been that short term furnished, or Airbnb is about the same cost as a mid-range hotel with a kitchen, but nicer than living in a hotel long term.  Most extended stay hotels, particularly the inexpensive ones are pretty low end in any major metropolitan area.  

I've done the leave on Monday morning early, return on Thursday night things a number of times for short durations.  My opinion is you'll be better off doing this than driving back and forth daily.  I'd rather be well rested and "present" for 2 two days a week with my family than be dead tired, and present but still absent for 7.  I've flown back and forth weekly for extended periods during transitions, you'll make it work.

Don't let anyone tell you there is a one "right" or "wrong" way to be a Husband or Dad.  I've got plenty of family who live within a mile of where they grew up, still have the same circle of friends they had in high school, who don't comprehend the life that I've lived, or think I've imposed some trauma on my family through my moving so much.  Yes, living across the street from Mom and Dad and where you grew up has some advantages, but also comes with the disadvantages of not exposing your kids to a diverse range of people and perspectives.  It's a great big world out there.

So to close this rambling rant, do what is best for your family, and don't worry at all what other people (including extended family) think about it :-)

In reply to wake74 :

I agree that kids are more adaptable especially at the age my kids are at. I moved several times as a teenager and in my 20’s, and felt I was at advantage over my wife because of all the different schools, people, and different experience I had growing up good, bad, or indifferent. In my 20's I stopped unpacking my things because I wasn't at one location for very long. I finally settled back at my hometown and the joke was I am never moving again and will be buried in my backyard. Moving Cleveland is easy for me because I have lived in the area on several occasions. My wife on the other hand is not sold, and her way of processing things is different than me. We are going up tomorrow so I can show her around. While I lean on experience with the area, consulting with friends/family, and researching and contacting the schools. She on the other talks to a random agent and finds that sufficient, because they sounded nice, it didn't help that I said the guy doesn't know what he is talking about lolz. 

All of this has to be baby steps with her, telling her that it would be easier just to get a apartment would likely come a week or two into the job because she has to experience what I am doing, with the weather it will further qualify it. I am concerned about her as changes always put her in crisis no matter how big or small. Honestly she will never grow and I told her this is a great experience for everyone to grow from and get better as a human.

trigun7469 said:

 

All of this has to be baby steps with her, telling her that it would be easier just to get a apartment would likely come a week or two into the job because she has to experience what I am doing, with the weather it will further qualify it. I am concerned about her as changes always put her in crisis no matter how big or small. Honestly she will never grow and I told her this is a great experience for everyone to grow from and get better as a human.

That makes it much more challenging domestically. Some of our best times during marriage have been during moves.  United towards a common goal, a joint project of selling, moving, buying, finding a new church, the thrill of exploration, interviewing schools, etc.  We seem to do better with change, than the periods in between (we probably aren't normal).  The goal is to stay here for four more years (get the kid through high school) and then I'd really like to do "the move" into the retirement house, but I'm guessing we may have one more interim move.  With COVID, and the transition to work from home full time and now transitioning to hybrid, the appetite for expensive relo's within the company is not what it used to be.  More figure out how to do the new role remotely and travel as necessary kind of mantra.  Good luck!

I accepted the job and we found a house in 2 weeks, just has to go through the inspection on Tuesday :Fingerscrossed: Move in will be 3-4 weeks so I will only have to commute for less the month, with the holidays it works out great. We are moving the kids into new schools. Commute is only 15-20 minutes, which works for me. We have a potential buyer for our house he is going to check it out on Thursday and we haven't even listed it. I am praying for a easy transition. 

Hopefully the good fortune will continue!

Great to hear things are going well. I suspect your job is East Side. If not CWRU then maybe JC.

If you buy a house east of there, it's possible that your wife could be just 60 minutes (or less) to travel back to Erie, PA. This is pretty close to keeping her "in the Erie area."  It should mean that she can go to Erie "for the day" if she wants to stay attached to Erie events or family in Erie. 

It will also keep you in the snow belt, so it will feel like Erie, PA. 

Officially moved into the Cleveland house and the Erie house is going on the market on Thursday. Had a couple snafus with Uhaul and have to rent another truck next Saturday, but atleast 75% of are stuff is in the new house. Had a short commute to and back from work and the kids are already in school.  

In reply to trigun7469 :

Congrats.  I only made two big moves in my life and both came out great.