COVID has changed me

I'm sorry Paul, not having a funeral is so difficult.  I'm so looking forward to getting to do memorials when we can. 
 

My life is almost completely different than it was in March. I lost my dad in March after he fought Covid for about three weeks.  We also could not have a funeral but the people of his church and Royal Ranger group were great about and have a huge service planned for us when we can.  There are so many people he's helped through the years that have contacted us about it, it's really been touching.

 I spent three months as a super cautious mess. I was unable to miss work but with Jodi’s health problems giving it to her would have been disastrous.  Good news, even though I caught it my paranoia paid off and I didn't share it.  Bad news, it didn't berkeleying matter. We were able to have a small funeral for Jodi but still would like a proper memorial when I can. 
 

After losing the two most important people in my life and the never ending E36 M3show that was work most of the summer was a blur of trying to keep things going at work with a dwindling workforce and added demands and then thankfully being invited by friends to run off and go racing every weekend.  That has helped immensely. I also met a woman nearby online that lost her husband recently. We just text but it's been pretty much daily and it has really helped me deal with some things I couldn't explain to family and friends.  

I'm not sure where things go from here but for now I'm just kind of bumbling along day to day figuring things out. 

I hit send to soon. I'm having a surprising number of good days, especially considering how poorly many of my friends and family are coping but some days I still have moments where I fall apart.  Tonight I stopped for gas and the ambulance crew that picked up Jodi when I failed to keep her safe was there. I happened to recognize them and thanked them for helping. It seemed right at the time but I really didn't do well for a while afterwards. 

1.) I no longer feel any guilt for embracing my introvertness.

2.) We no longer eat out. 

2a.) Eating out has been replaced with takeout. 

3.) I no longer have any desire to be in a band, or really play music at all(I haven't since March), but that's kind of a natural cycle for me anyway. 

4.) We didn't go back to IL to visit friends & family. That has really shed light on how few people I've known most of my life I really give a damn about, and how nearly all my true friends are right here. 

5.) Not going to the Challenge this year really sucks, but it seemed like the wise choice for a variety of reasons. At least I'll get to see a few of you at Gridlife in a few weeks!

Woody (Forum Supportum) said:

In one of my psychology classes in grad school, the professor said that most people look at another person's mouth when they're speaking.

If someone is looking at your eyes when you're speaking, it either means that they want to fight you, or that they're going to have sex with you.

Once I learned this, I became a little self conscious of where my eyes were going when I was having a conversation with a girl. I didn't want to seem too aggressive, or frighten them off.

But with everyone wearing masks, you no longer have the option of looking at a girl's mouth when she's speaking. I've become very self conscious of this.

So now, I just stare at her tits.

Everybody wins.

Since I always always look people in the eyes this is frightful news.

Pete Gossett (Forum Supporter) said:

1.) I no longer feel any guilt for embracing my introvertness.

2.) We no longer eat out. 

2a.) Eating out has been replaced with takeout. 

3.) I no longer have any desire to be in a band, or really play music at all(I haven't since March), but that's kind of a natural cycle for me anyway. 

4.) We didn't go back to IL to visit friends & family. That has really shed light on how few people I've known most of my life I really give a damn about, and how nearly all my true friends are right here. 

5.) Not going to the Challenge this year really sucks, but it seemed like the wise choice for a variety of reasons. At least I'll get to see a few of you at Gridlife in a few weeks!

Noooooooo on 3. We still got to get together and play one day.

Although.....I do understand the feeling

As for changes in human interaction.....I don't like people anyway and don't like hugs, or even handshakes. So it's kinda been a win for me.

I do miss live music though Idaho is a lot different than the rest of the us in covid stuff

Work isn't as fun as it used to be. I like people, and now I don't get to interact with my clients hardly at all.

Often, I talk to them on the phone from the treatment area while they are in the building or out in their cars.

We're down one income, since my wife's full-time job is now keeping our kids on track with school.

She was working for the school system anyway, so there was no way she was going to go back to work there. It's been quite a burden for her, and she never gets a break.

I've got it easy by comparison. I get to go to work, and autocross opportunities have resumed. 

This coming sunday, she's going to get to travel to New Jersey with a friend. They are taking the train, and will be able to isolate to some degree by staying in a sleeper.

School has been a real challenge for both kids. Even with my wife trying to stay on top of things, neither of them are showing much initiative at all. It looks like we're going to have to back off and let them deal with the consequences of their actions. It's not going to be pretty. 

We're not traveling, and don't know when we'll plan another trip. We've been waiting for Halloween to come on a Saturday so we could have a big party. Obviously, that's out.

Our church is only meeting on zoom, and at present we don't expect that to change through the end of 2021. Realistically, next year's just going to be a continuation of the same stuff.

I have a really good friend in the FL panhandle that I can't visit. His wife is immune compromised, and it's just not worth the risk. 

One big change for me, and it's for the better, is to be aware of how much I can care about people that I haven't actually met in person. Wally, I'm glad to hear that you're having some good days now. I'm also saddened to see you say that you failed to keep Jodi safe. That's not being fair to yourself.

I hope I can be as good of a husband as you were to Jodi. 

We miss movies.  Going out to movies was kinda our thing, sure.  But even the movies we missed at theaters would hit redbox in a couple of months.   Covid has really just stopped all releases and I can only assume we'll have a yearlong drought of big films as the pipeline has been dry for a while.

My low grade hypochondria has stepped up whenever I cough or feel short of breath (a fun side effect while wearing a mask much of the time).

In reply to KyAllroad (Jeremy) (Forum Supporter) :

Check your local Walmart. Ours has set up a huge screen in the parking lot as a free drive in theater. 

In reply to Toyman01 (Moderately Supportive Dude) :

Nice!

(But I haven't seen that at any other WalMart)

I'm an invert person and I have some "autistic tendencies", as it is so elegantly expressed. I have a small number of very close friends and I've always felt that the shallow social interactions with, for example, colleagues can cost me a lot of energy. Don't get me wrong, I'm a friendly and social guy at work, but it's kind of like exercising to me. It's something that takes energy and effort, not something that comes naturally to me. 

I love that we now must work from home. I'm very comfortable with that. But... in lack of better words: I'm now noticing that I haven't "exercised" my social side for a while and being around people is very tiring. Perhaps I sound like an absolute lunatic here, but I think have to keep my "exercise" up and make sure I subject myself to a bit more challenging social situations (time with wife and son obviously don't count) at a regular basis. 

I'm generally an introvert, so this hasn't affected me all that much, although I do miss going out to eat and seeing some of my friends. That said, I do mtn bike rides with my friends and our interactions aren't all that different other than not going to post-ride meals. 

I love working from home, so I don't miss going to the office much at all. 

But in reality, whatever complaints I have pale in comparison to those are having real problems. I've able to keep working, so money isn't an issue for me. In some ways it's improved since my commuting costs have dropped so dramatically.

My mental condition has always been E36 M3, so no real change there.

My biggest issue is how hard it's been on my kids to not be able to go to school or see their friends.  Neither of my girls have as many friends as I'd like and all this has done is make them depressed and lonely, which makes me feel powerless and ineffective as a parent.

@Stroker and Ian, I've felt the psychological effects of this is going to hurt more than the actual virus itself.  Add in the fact that we (as a whole) don't process mental health very well to start with and the long term effects are going to be rough. IANAD but I did spend a night in a Holiday Inn Express

Has COVID changed me? Quite a bit, in both good and bad ways.

-My day job had me commuting 3+hrs a day into Boston via car, commuter rail and by foot. Haven't been there since the beginning of March, and there's really no plan to go back into the office anytime soon. That said, I'm getting MORE works done than I ever have before working from home. For me, that aspect has been a godsend. I don't miss that one bit.

-I'm driving a lot less. Less places to go, and less people to see, and not to mention a nonexistent commute.

-I haven't eaten in a restaurant since March. The weekend before they announced the restrictions here in MA, my friends and I all went out for a big dinner with our spouses. That was the last time. I do get takeout from time to time to support the local places I like. Some of them are having a tough time.

-I've gotten back into long lost hobbies. With the GRM model building contests, I built two models for the first time in decades. And while I had gotten back into biking last fall, I really turned it up this spring and summer. I play my drums a lot more than I have in years, thanks to lunch break drum sessions for exercise.

-Biking, drumming, and not eating out as much helped me lose about 30lbs so far during all of this. Have a lot more to lose, but I'm on the right track.

-Spending more time at home meant we needed to make the house more comfortable to live in and more functional. I converted a catch-all room in my house to a working office/"man cave" and we fixed up a few other rooms as well.

-Car projects got renewed attention, because what else was there to do? Completed big steps on my everlasting Trans Am project and made the Power Wagon better to drive as well. I actually have a drive to fix that stuff, although I did burn myself out after a little while.

-I see my family cautiously from time to time, but I barely see friends. If I do, it's a one-on-one kind of deal. We had one socially-distant fire pit get together over the summer and that's it. This aspect of this thing really sucks. I really miss doing stupid crap with my friends.

-I am also WAY more cautious going out anywhere. I always wear a mask, and have hand sanitizer at the ready in every vehicle. I keep spare masks in the car. I wash my hands for 30 seconds before doing anything else when I get home.

-I'm also a lot more weary of others when I'm out. I'm finding that I want to be as far away from strangers as possible. As a people person, that is a weird feeling. I'm also finding, especially lately since cases are going back up here, that I'm increasingly annoyed and sometimes angered when I see people purposely ignoring all of the safety precautions to make a point. People are generally good around here with that stuff, but the people who aren't will go out of their way to be like that just to carry out their agenda/worldview. Having friends and family that have been greatly affected by the virus, this drives me nuts.

The one thing I keep in the back of my head at all times throughout this is that I can only control what I can control. I do my best to remain sane and level, and sometimes, it's tough. Depression has set in more than once throughout this time, but remembering there's not much I can do except control my own destiny gets me out of it. It's been tough for all of us, but I try and focus on the good, positive stuff.

Torkel said:

I'm an invert person and I have some "autistic tendencies", as it is so elegantly expressed. I have a small number of very close friends and I've always felt that the shallow social interactions with, for example, colleagues can cost me a lot of energy. Don't get me wrong, I'm a friendly and social guy at work, but it's kind of like exercising to me. It's something that takes energy and effort, not something that comes naturally to me. 

I love that we now must work from home. I'm very comfortable with that. But... in lack of better words: I'm now noticing that I haven't "exercised" my social side for a while and being around people is very tiring. Perhaps I sound like an absolute lunatic here, but I think have to keep my "exercise" up and make sure I subject myself to a bit more challenging social situations (time with wife and son obviously don't count) at a regular basis. 

Thanks for posting this.  It saved me from writing it about myself.  I've talked with my shrink about this and it's a real thing.  Like physical exercise we need those interactions even if they take energy and effort.  Also, like physical exercise the longer you go without doing it the harder it is to start back up.  As a result we need to be deliberate about creating those opportunities during these times.

I miss being able to lick my fingers to moisten the super thin grocery store plastic bags for fruit.  I just put tongue prints on my mask.

In reply to 914Driver :

SAME!!

I was in a grocery store the other day fighting just that when I observed a young lady tear off a bag, walk over to the produce that has a sprayer on it (think lettuce and broccoli) and wet her fingers on some of it.  Genius!

(also, wash your produce before consumption)

Covid has given me some capitalism ideas.  Not that I want to benefit from others' misfortune, but I think right now some of the classic things that are dying should be brought back.... drive in movies, drive in burger joints, service stations... they're perfect for social distancing but still doing the things you miss.

I've been okay. Work has (thankfully) not changed for me although I don't have to commute anymore, which has been really great. This has all confirmed that I'm mostly an extrovert and I truly miss people. I miss having big get-togethers and inviting 25 friends to my one-bedroom apartment. We're all still seeing each other (fewer at a time, less often) thanks to a few friends who have big backyards and grills, or having little parking-lot meets like you did in high school with your super-sweet Neon or whatever.

Driving hasn't changed, I'm making a point to go exploring almost every weekend and have been to some neat spots around the area (or farther out). Seems pretty safe to go drive somewhere and either eat outside or get takeout.

Masks don't bother me one bit unless I'm wearing sunglasses, then they bother me about 3%. I miss seeing full faces, but am okay doing the literal bare minimum if it saves someone else's life or protects mine.

I've seen many people reveal their true feelings, morals, and selves and it's been great as a sense of moral compass-nee-IQ test. 

Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) said:

Covid has given me some capitalism ideas.  Not that I want to benefit from others' misfortune, but I think right now some of the classic things that are dying should be brought back.... drive in movies, drive in burger joints, service stations... they're perfect for social distancing but still doing the things you miss.

The problem for us northerners is those are all seasonal and stop right about now. Its great for the southern and south west areas but north of the Mason Dixon line it's a bit cold for that. 

We've had a lot of friends leave town in the past couple of years, and now suddenly we find ourselves wanting social interaction with a small trusted group, but most of our new friends have chosen others are their "small trusted group." 

Making friends right now is very difficult. Making matters worse is some people don't really lead with the right stuff "oh its ok our kids can play together I've had COVID twice it was horrible but I got through it and my kids were fine!"

I'm naturally an introvert, and COVID has exacerbated it. Like what Torkel and APEowner said, I need to pick up the social exercise. I was off the forums for a while, but I find myself coming back now since it is at least some kind of surrogate interaction. It's not the same...but it's much better than reading Facebook or the news.

Now that I work from home, I find it very hard to separate work from personal life. The stresses of work can't be left at work when work is home, and I used to have much more movement and variation in the office that apparently did a lot to keep me focused and motivated. The days drag on, run together, and I find myself frustrated at my lack of focus and productivity.

I have always found more meaning in personal achievement, working on projects, trying to get better at racing (dirt bikes, + exercise), etc. than on social things, and I've always been independent and self-reliant. Depression starts tickling at the corners without pursuing purpose. COVID seems to have brought that out even more, since there is less going on socially to pull me out of my shell and exercise those muscles. I don't have an inherent problem with it....but my girlfriend of 2+ years does. She's incredibly tolerant of how I tend to do things, but it's over the edge now to where she feels like she is just tagging along in my life and dragging me through the relationship part of it. Of course, that all adds more stress and frustration between us, and after the last few months of it, it's hard to find energy to try to change while also keeping up with all the stuff that gives me purpose. I'm not quite sure what to do about it, but this seemed like as good a spot as any to try to put some words to it. I guess I have no idea how people pursue intense, time-consuming, personal goals while also having a quality relationship, and I'm not sure what to do about it to make room for a good relationship. 

I guess that turned into less about COVID and more about my personal problems. Ah well.

Wally (Forum Supporter) said:

Tonight I stopped for gas and the ambulance crew that picked up Jodi when I failed to keep her safe was there. 

Wally you did everything you could to make Jodi not only safe but happy from the moment you meet her.

Wally (Forum Supporter) said:

I hit send to soon. I'm having a surprising number of good days, especially considering how poorly many of my friends and family are coping but some days I still have moments where I fall apart.  Tonight I stopped for gas and the ambulance crew that picked up Jodi when I failed to keep her safe was there. I happened to recognize them and thanked them for helping. It seemed right at the time but I really didn't do well for a while afterwards. 

Wally, it's not on you. This was not your fault, please know that.