Craigslist vehicle listing translator

joey48442 wrote:

gearheadmb wrote:

Fueled by Caffeine wrote: "Built" = this car was owned by a pre-adult with more money than sense. Car is guaranteed to fail you in a spectacular fashion shortly after purchase

"Built"= every single wire on the car either has a scotch lock or has been cut. Most of the car is currently held together with drywall screws.

I always feel like drywall screws are a death sentence for a car. It's the physical equivalent to when a person says "I'm going to get the rust fixed eventually". No. No you are not.

I feel the same way about wire nuts in a car. THAT IS NOT HOW YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.

I forgot to mention that Breaks=Brakes

The best i ever saw was an ad for a garden tractor. The seller claimed it had "new ying". I thought and thought trying to figure out what he talking about. Then i sounded it out. Ying. Y-ing. Wiring. Holy E36 M3 hes talking about wiring. I wouldnt buy an anvil from this guy if he claimed he touched the wiring.

"Over $xxxx in upgrades" = I spent a lot of money on aftermarket parts that you either a) don't care for, or b) will probably want to remove.

"Currently stock tune, has not had a tune for xxx years" = uhh. What?

"Clean" = stances, rusted, painted with a brush, and smells of synthetic weed. This car will make you pregnant with OJ's baby.

"Light hit"= from the meth pipe.

Charger

My favorite are muscle cars with ridiculous prices because "restored this car can go for 50k to 225k"

"Fully Built" = stood in a corner and bombed with a spray can

Doubleoh9 wrote: Charger My favorite are muscle cars with ridiculous prices because "restored this car can go for 50k to 225k"

I love the way the way people with no clue about what is involved in fully restoring a car throw that around. "Just needs a full restoration, no big deal."

Another thing this seller should be told, when i can see through your quarters, that doesnt count as minimal rust.

Fresh oil change: Oil was changed with motor honey and Lucas to hide the knock.

HonestSpeedShop wrote: Fresh oil change: Oil was changed with motor honey and Lucas to hide the knock.

Or to hide the IMS bearing failure.

The0retical wrote:

HonestSpeedShop wrote: Fresh oil change: Oil was changed with motor honey and Lucas to hide the knock.

Or to hide the IMS bearing failure.

I looked at a 996 that had think oil to hide it lol.

gearheadmb wrote: The best i ever saw was an ad for a garden tractor. The seller claimed it had "new ying". I thought and thought trying to figure out what he talking about. Then i sounded it out. Ying. Y-ing. Wiring. Holy E36 M3 hes talking about wiring. I wouldnt buy an anvil from this guy if he claimed he touched the wiring.

Either that, or he replaced the ying, but it already had a perfectly good yang.

trigun7469 wrote: I forgot to mention that Breaks=Brakes

Jeeze, its like every ad now has "breaks".

"Rare" = 1 of 1,000,000

"AC blows ice cold" = the fan works

"AC needs a recharge but works great" = AC compressor has been removed. This has happened to me. The ad says it needed a recharge, yeah, fine, whatever. AC might work, might not work. But this car's AC compressor had been removed and an idler had been poorly attached to the bracket so the belt still fit.

"No damage on car" = there is damage on the car that the photographs don't show

"runs and drives awesome" when the car is sitting in a grassy field = the car does not run enough to get it to pavement

Type Q wrote: "Over $xxxx in upgrades" = I spent a lot of money on aftermarket parts that you either a) don't care for, or b) will probably want to remove.

This one I have a problem with. I have a counter to that, as the seller of many modded cars over the years. If you're calling me about my car, you WANT those mods and would have done them to a stock example, or you'd have moved on to a stock example already.

Since you want those mods, you're not getting them for free, as that's tantamount to stealing. I mean, you wouldn't go to someone's garage where their car has those mods, and simply take them off and go home with them. That's stealing. So why do you think you can steal them when you buy the car?

Improperly done mods can harm a car, so yeah, I can see the car being worth less due to them (though again, if you are calling about a car, you want it with those mods or you'd be calling about a stock example), but common bolt on upgrades, like axle back exhaust? You should be able to tell at a glance whether it was done right so saying you'll offer less because you don't know if it was a hack job is disingenuous at least.

Yeah, as a seller who spends a bit of time crafting an accurate, thorough ad, I have a pile of stupid buyer phrases, too.

"My mechanic says" usually means whatever the guy at the parts store said when he pulled codes. If we get into stupid buyer says i have a few of them!

gearheadmb wrote: "For sell"= I am at a second grade reading level. Come on out to the trailer park and check out my car which ive never had a title for. My pit bull will be running loose when you get here but dont worry, he probably wont bother you.

Funny enough, the inverse has the same translation ("need to sale"). "Need to sale quickly" - My brother is locked up and I need bail money.

"The Shop" = I have zero mechanical ability or knowledge and have paid a local shady mechanic countless thousands on this vehicle and it's still a basket case.

In reply to Chris_V:

No I'm going to use your mods as a reason to talk you down on price. Not because I don't like them but because I like keeping my money in my pocket and not other people's pockets. I don't care if I like them or not, if I can use it as an advantage in negotiations I will.

"Many new parts": Tired of sinking money into this piece of junk.

"Interior could use some TLC": Wolverines lived in it.

No wonder I didn't get any hits on my Jag

In reply to Chris_V:

I think you might need to look up "stealing." ;)

Camero = Camaro
Overboard = Camero with .030" over pistons in a wheezer 305
New Altinator = will need starter and battery soon
Needs Cadillac converter = O2 sensors, vacuum leak, and bad injector

The misspelled Camero always gets me. I know perfectly intelligent people who are bad at spelling so I don't judge, but when the name of the car is properly spelled 35 times on the fenders, fascia, quarters, dashboard, title, registration, and you've looked at the word 4.62 Million times on one of the world's most iconic vehicles since 1967, I judge.

In my search for a pickup last year I encountered an F150 on CL with "new calls." You know, those things that live on top of the spark plugs and generate high voltage capacitant discharge for ignition.

In Los Angeles I bought a 62 Caddy that apparently only needed a new "stripper cap." Also a part of the ignition system evidently. It made me picture a tattooed woman wearing nothing but a baseball hat.

My ex wife worked at a pharmacy. When she moved to PA with me many moons ago, a customer came to pick up their "description" at the pharmacy and gave the name "Shurf." One syllable. Just like something you do at the beach with an H added. She couldn't find the name on any of the "descriptions" so she went back to ask how to spell the name. They incredulously said, "you know, Shurf... like the county Shurf." The last name was Sheriff. She gave them their "description" with a remarkably straight face and laughed after they left.

An acquaintance of mine in WV had a 70's Duster he bought just for kicks which he called the Jalopy-no. I asked why it was not a Jalopy. He didn't understand my question. Upon seeing the car, it became clear. The previous owner had painted a small chili pepper on the quarter panel; a Jalepeno. In that part of WV, it is pronounced juh-LOP-eh-no. This was further reinforced a few years later when I went to a HS Baseball game down there and got some nachos at the concession stand. They asked if I wanted juh-LOP-eh-nose on my nachos.

"please send your email so we may communicate more easily" == "I am deployed to Alaska with the United States Military. I will send you a check and nothing should seem odd about this arrangement to you."