Daughter on the way.....

So my wife has been pregnant for 20 weeks and we just got the news on Tuesday, we are having a daughter. ETA early July. Our first child.

Growing up with only brothers, the wide world of girl development is pretty foreign to me. Any girl dads on the forum that can fill me in on what to expect?

This is a very exciting time, there is a lot to think about. I've been renovating our house to accommodate this new little one. Also, all major car projects have been put on hold until I can get this house stuff done... priorities haha

First kid was a daughter, she is still a small toddler. They will develop their own personality regardless of boy/girl (my son is a few months old, they have been fully different babies. I do car stuff with her, tool stuff with her, and probably will do the same with my son. Hospital will fill you in on any newborn specific things to watch out for.

Being a parent is a trip, regardless of gender. If you are interested in forming sleep patterns for the baby (we were, as 2 working parents), I'd recommend buying/reading "Cherish the first 6 weeks." Following this helped our kids (who were receptive, certainly not guaranteed) sleep through the night by ~9weeks. 

Just expect a lot of fun, a lot of your life being different, and some time being tired. It's a great time, and if you expect it to be hard from the beginning it turns out being easier than you'd think. 

Smiles at ~6 weeks, right when you are getting rough around the edges, brings everything back into a happy focus.

Daughters are great. And challenging.   I have two.  They aren't boys.  They don't respond in the same way to attempts at discipline that work on boys.   

You treat them right, read to them every night, hug them,  bring them to their sports and social events then you are "the best daddy in the whole wide world" (direct quote from my oldest).

Then they become teenagers and all that changes...  That's when the relationship their mother made an effort to nurture becomes very important.  No warm nurturing from the mother means a soul adrift in confusion with no one of credibility to talk to about all the changes happening.   So they get their advice from idiot friends and the internet.    My oldest told me recently that the only warm memories she has of her childhood is with me.  None from her mother.   Sad to hear really.   Their mother (my ex) is a kind person but always went into "commander" mode when lecturing  the kids.  Which was her usual mode of communication with them when something important needed to be discussed..

In reply to classicJackets (FS) :

Thank you for the advice and the book recommendation. I fully expect things to be difficult as this is our first time going through this, hoping it is as you say though, easier than expected.

We are friends with a few couples with new babies and they seem to be handling things well, I am hopeful that my wife and I can stay sane despite the sleep deprivation in those first few weeks.

First off, congratulations!

My little girl is two. She is very opinionated and can be pretty stubborn (I'm okay with that though).

Not sure if you really need to raise a girl any differently than you would raise a boy, at least as far as a baby is concerned.

The only tidbit I'd like to pass on is that I found it very difficult in those first weeks and months because our kid–understandably–only wanted mom. Didn't matter how much I rocked her or how much I fed her, mom came first.

It's changed since then, though, and she loves to spend time with me.

In reply to jharry3 :

Thank you for the advice and knowledge from your experience. I do intend to be "the best dad in the whole wide world" or, more realistically, the best that I can be with the time and skills I have been given.

Friends/school/the internet are all scary places these days... lots of information out there and not much of it is good. That is one aspect of parenthood that I am not looking forward to.

In reply to Colin Wood :

Thanks! I am preparing to deal with the same thing, both my wife and I are quite stubborn and were very obstinate as children, things have changed with maturity.

The longing for mum will be hard for sure, my wife will be with her 24/7 for 1.5 years of maternity leave so I can understand it.

I've got one of each. Our daughter is 4 going on 5 and our son will be 2 this summer. They're two very different humans already and show an interest in different things but we do our best to parent them no differently to each other just because one is a girl and one is a boy. 

Let them be themselves, let them change you and try your best. It'll all be fine.

Except that first month. That blows. 

Congratulations!

I have two daughters, aged 30-ish and mid-20s-ish.

Raising daughters is not radically different than raising boys, I don't think.  I really prefer to see differences in strategy at the individual level, not the gender level.

For instance, my 2 daughters are very different people despite being both girls / women and despite being only 4 years apart.

It's a lot of work and you will be overwhelmed at times.

But you will also get it done and she will be fine.

Congratulations!!

Daughters are no different than sons. Just small blank copies of yourself and your wife. The wife will push her in one direction with frilly dresses because women will women. Not all is lost though and you can lead them to the dark side. Don't quit the things you enjoy, just encourage her to join you. Mine was in the shop handing me tools as soon as she could walk. She is 30 now and still likes cars, drives a 6-speed Turbo Sonic, does most of her own repairs, and races on our Lemons team. She knows how to girl but she is not scared to get dirty when needed. 

Fixing a leaking PS hose on her Super Coupe. 

Changing the clutch in the Lemons Civic. 

Your life would be so much easier without that kid. But it wouldn't be better.

My heart grew 3 sizes the day this happened:

In reply to Appleseed :

Easy doesn't always mean good. Hopefully my daughter will be interested in helping in the garage someday!

There is nothing better that you can be than the Daddy of a daughter.

I appreciate the comments from everyone on this. You have reminded me of something I forgot about, personality matters most in determining how her development will go and how I'll be forced to handle things. Everyone is different. 

That being said I expect that she will pick up traits from my wife and I and interpret them in her own way. I am very mechanical/engineering minded, hands on with stuff and generally horrible at art and things related to it. My wife is the opposite and is very artistic and not very mechanical or good at thinking about things in an "engineering way". Both of us have strengths and weakness and it's going to be very interesting to see how our daughter picks that up.

Hopefully in a few years I'll have some "in the garage" pictures to share haha

Congratulations!

Where's that video of the guy throwing cash out the window.  

I will add, it helps if you drag the entire family along. That starts with the wife. 5 of the 10 drivers at our last Lemons race were my family. 2 sons, 1 daughter, 1 wife, and me. The family that works and plays together stays together. 

I'm a more patient, empathetic and thoughtful person as a girl dad than I think I would've been as a boy dad. She's naturally interested in pink frilly stuff (she doesn't get that from her mother or me). And she'd much rather play with dolls than play sports (again, no idea where that comes from as mom was a tom boy growing up). So I have to be more nurturing and thoughtful than I might be with a kid that always wanted to do the kind of things that I gravitate towards.

I think the most important advice that I can give for the infant stage is to understand your role. You're there to support, protect and care for not just this little girl, but also her mother. There may be things that her mother can do that you cannot, but you're just as capable of changing diapers, or bathing the kid, or singing to her, or doing laundry as her mother. Don't miss out on those experiences and opportunities to be a parent to your child and good coparent to her mother. You're all a team. That doesn't change as she gets older, but the way that you and her mother share tasks will. Just try to always remember what the end goal is, and work together to raise a wonderful human.

For the larger, longer picture I think it's pretty much the same for boys or girls. I'll just stress that a lot of your kid's ideals about men, romantic relationships, etc will come from their perception and memories of you. Spend time with them. Tell them that you love them, are proud of them, and support them. Be encouraging and empowering to make sure that they know that they're strong and capable and don't have to take E36 M3 from anybody. Teach them how the world works in age appropriate ways so they can excel, or at the very least avoid being taken advantage of. Do your best to model healthy, happy relationships with friends, family and her mother.

In reply to automotiveflux :

And you'll become interested in what they like, too. If the hellspawn becomes all about ballet,  I'm going to learn all there is to know about ballet. 

Appleseed said:

In reply to automotiveflux :

And you'll become interested in what they like, too.

Never in my life did I think I'd be interested in Girls HS badminton.

Mine learned how to drive stick on a RHD mini. I figured she'd tell the story in a group setting at some point and rope in the guy that we need :)

In reply to Steve_Jones :

Always goes opposite.....

Guy "friend" stops by to visit my daughter and meet our new dog.  

Second year of engineering @ Purdue University, interned for an Indy car team last summer, texted him when we were at the 2022 Indy 500, really into Formula 1 and he mentioned he and his dad were going to look at buying a Porsche 944 the next day.  

Me; this is the guy.....

Daughter; No, I like this other guy. 

Me; no guy comes over to see a new dog, he came to see you.  

That's it.......

Wipe front to rear.

Sometimes just listen.

"Of course you can do it."

Mine are 33 and 29 now. 

Edit:  You will sometimes be utterly confused or irritated beyond all reason...

Woody (Forum Supportum) said:

There is nothing better that you can be than the Daddy of a daughter.

Granddaughters

In reply to Streetwiseguy :

Confusion is guaranteed!

I have four daughters. Two are twins who are identical in everything - Grandma struggles to tell them apart (though facial recognition technology works fine - which is scary in a different way). I was reminded that they are different people despite their sameness when learning to drive. One will get tickets before 20 I guarantee it. The other will almost certainly come home in tears from being yelled at for being in the way.

Number three is a tomboy who is happy to fight and dig holes and loves cleaning the roof.

Number four is quiet and mousey and really funny at times.

Your daughter will probably be a reflection of you and your wife. That's really awesome and super frustrating.

Also, since it is your first child, I would suggest the book Baby Wise. Some people hate it. It worked for us. And our kids are mostly normal.

You will need to learn that there is a difference between discipline and punishment. Discipline is important. Punishment is important to avoid. And the two of you need to be on the same page.

Remember that the people who make the lists of things to register for for baby showers are typically the ones selling you the stuff. You generally need half of what they suggest except for the things you need double of.

Finally, if you think being married to a pregnant lady is rough, the post partum can, on rare occasions, also be really rough. And the US has decent structures to support post partum issues but is generally terrible at identifying them.