Dear Abby:

Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Columbus, Ohio, who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Worthington and one of my sisters, who lives in Dublin , is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Grove City . I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Lucasville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently in jail awaiting trial on charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Atlanta and is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel. All things considered, my main problem is this. I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be totally honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who is a Michigan fan?

Signed,

Worried About My Reputation

You used to be able to buy a T-shirt in Columbus that said "berkeley Michigan." Of course, the dirty word on this shirt was against the law, so they reprinted the shirts.

Now, they just say "berkeley."

Don't tell her, she's been through enough.

There are prostitutes in Grove City? How come nobody told me?

Seriously though, I'm very glad I live in Clintonville.

Where is the brothel in Atlanta?

There is a big billboard advertising "Berkely College" in Pennsylvania that I pass sometimes when I'm driving to Williamsport or Pocono Raceway. I laugh every time.

John Brown wrote: Dear Abby, I am a crack dealer in Columbus, Ohio, who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Worthington and one of my sisters, who lives in Dublin , is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Grove City . I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Lucasville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently in jail awaiting trial on charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Atlanta and is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel. All things considered, my main problem is this. I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who is a Michigan fan? Signed, Worried About My Reputation

Dear WAMR, I suggest you call your local ACORN office. They can point you in the right direction.

Signed,

Abby

Will wrote:

John Brown wrote: Dear Abby, I am a crack dealer in Columbus, Ohio, who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Worthington and one of my sisters, who lives in Dublin , is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Grove City . I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Lucasville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently in jail awaiting trial on charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Atlanta and is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel. All things considered, my main problem is this. I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who is a Michigan fan? Signed, Worried About My Reputation

Dear WAMR, I suggest you call your local ACORN office. They can point you in the right direction. Signed, Abby