Driving guide for ricers

This list is funny, but I think we can do better.

http://www.dailyinterweb.com/2008/10/a-ricers-guide-to-driving/

It’s the day you have been waiting for your entire life. A few weeks ago you passed your driving test, and purchased your first car. In that time, you have slaved over your new baby, slowly transforming it from a front-wheel drive hatchback into a certified street racer. You have installed a body kit, new racing gauges, a new exaust, and more stickers than you can count. Today however it is finally finished. You just bolted on the rear wing. Now that your car with its 4 speed automatic gearbox and tire-melting 96 horsepower is finished, it’s time to get really good at driving it. You are a new driver so you have much to learn, and I am not going to deny that the road ahead of you is long and full of many potholes. Yet, I am sure with practice and determination, you will succeed in your mission to become the greatest driver ever. Below I have compiled the 10 Commandments of Fast and Furious driving. 1. You must tailgate at all times. If you are more than a foot away from the car in front of you, you are not trying hard enough. 2. Never turn off your high beams. You get extra points if they are aimed up. 3. Signaling lets others know where you are going. Winning the race is easier if other cars can never be sure where you plan to go next. 4. Always weave through traffic. Your car was built with extremely advanced suspension and handling. Use it. 5. Speed limits are for suckers. Live a little. 6. Never check your mirrors when you are changing lanes. When you are traveling over 100 mph in a car with drum brakes, it is important to keep your eyes on the road at all times. 7. Don’t talk on the phone. You have an unlimited texting plan. Use it. 8. Your parking brake is actually designed for handbrake turns. Make sure to practice on wet roads at high speeds. Good drifters are sideways at all times. 9. Everybody loves the sound your car makes with your new exhaust. Share this sound with as many people as you can by driving through residential neighborhoods at wide open throttle no earlier than 2 a.m. 10. Don’t upgrade your brakes when you buy bigger rims. Physics doesn’t apply to your car. Stopping distances don’t matter as much as looks anyway.

If you don't have a big dragon sticker on the side of your car, some people may not realize just how much of a bad-ass you really are.

You need lights in your "windsheild wiper sprayers" and a real big spoiler!!

13: A dozen 10" subwoofers and 6 amps will help propel your new race car faster because they will help drive the car forward sonically. The more stereo equipment you can stuff in your Hyundai the faster it will go.

14: Mushimoto ZX tires will let everyone know you are in the street racing business

Bigger is always better: Rims, Spoiler, Exhaust

But if other people aren't going to see how much bigger your parts are then theirs, don't worry about them.

Just installing the part will make your car faster. Any sort of adjustments after that are unnecessary.

Lowering your car improves aerodynamics. This will make your car faster. Do whatever it takes to make your car as low to the ground as possible. Hacksaws are easy to find and will cut springs as well as anything.

When drag racing, remember that Vin Diesel says not to forget to double-clutch.

[Edit: coming back from drifting a couple weeks back, I pulled up next to a guy with a fart can that was sticking out completely from the back of his bumper. The tip was about a foot behind the rest of the car. I had a rollbar, track map on my window, and tires in the passenger seat. I laughed at him.]

20: You must be from the metro York, Pa are to be fast AND furious ;)

21: Green wheels add 45 horsepower.

22: Carbon fiber hoods CAN be made of steel and have carbon fiber tape on them.

Your engine likes to rev. If you're not at redline yet, you don't need to shift.

A body kit will make your car more aerodynamic. The size of your new bumper is more important than how it is secured.

Any vents you add to the body of your car will improve cooling or add power. You can never have too many.

Formula cars have lots of little fins and folds on them to provide down force. The fins and folds on your body kit work exactly the same way.

The person who gets to the next red light first, wins! Always tailgate or attempt to pass anyone not driving 10 MPH over the limit when you approach one.

VTEC is meant to be popped in every gear. Who cares if you are leaking oil or don't even have VTEC, make it pop.

Badges=respect. So what if Ford didn't make a Tempo Type-R, Mugen doesn't make parts for your Tercel, or Nissan doesn't have a Stanza GT-R? Make one of your own! Then watch that loser in the "11sec." Craparo quake in fear (or laugh himself to death)!

Also, remember that time where you totally smoked that Ford Windstar? Same difference as a Mustang, right? So just say, "Yeah, well I smoked a Ford Mustang!" with your friends or enemies around, and they'll all believe you!

I need to finish dericing my car... how the berkeley do I remove those led windsheild washer nozels

neon4891 wrote: I need to finish dericing my car... how the berkeley do I remove those led windsheild washer nozels

Shotgun

Racing stripes add 20lb-ft of torque.

EastCoastMojo wrote:

neon4891 wrote: I need to finish dericing my car... how the berkeley do I remove those led windsheild washer nozels

Shotgun

...without colateral damage. I can save firearms for my tinded windows, I have full glass coverage. OTOH, I'm on my insurance companies E36 M3 list.

Well, you could try driving so fast that they fly off Oh wait, NO collateral damage

They don't pop out from underneath or slide out?

neon4891 wrote: I need to finish dericing my car... how the berkeley do I remove those led windsheild washer nozels

Usually you unplug the hoses from below and push them up and out from underneath.

Dericing is the best part of working on a used car, because you can make such a huge improvement with so little effort. The AE92 came with green lights and a bunch of crappy interior garbage and the Samurai came with blue halo lights and chrome hub covers, and look at them now, perfectly respectable cars.

Some things the ricers do defy description, somebody please explain spinners, neon lighting under body and 22s on a 85 Caprice with original rust

Rust is only original once. I can't explain the neon tubes, I was a different person in '90's and orange looked killer on a black SS.

ArtOfRuin wrote: Badges=respect. So what if Ford didn't make a Tempo Type-R, Mugen doesn't make parts for your Tercel, or Nissan doesn't have a Stanza GT-R? Make one of your own! Then watch that loser in the "11sec." Craparo quake in fear (or laugh himself to death)!

I'm going to get one of those damned 'R' badges for my old Dodge Motorhome. Just because they never built a Tioga II R doesn't mean I can't make one. It might even make the thing climb hills faster.

what ever happened to the license plate frames that had the lights running around them?? i bought a car once that was the early 90's version of "riced out" not horribly so though, We joked about those frames.. I went out and turned my lights on and screamed so loud everyone came outside.. it had one..it was removed immediately..

96DXCivic wrote: Racing stripes add 20 torques

Fixed.

96DXCivic wrote: Racing stripes add 20lb-ft of torque.

Horsepower. Ricers don't know what a "torque" is.