Eight years of failure (not a flounder)

I wouldn't recommend that you ask or invite them to go dancing, girls don't want to be crushed by falling for someone that they believe isn't into girls.

Ask them to a BBQ or something neutral with no pressure. SWMBO and m first date (after knowing each other for almost 10 years) was to a comedy club as a close friend was recording his first CD that night, which happened to be on St. Patrick's Day. I was incredibly nervous, not about the date, but that his act (which I had never seen) would be vividly graphic and possibly include tales the involve myself. I lucked out on both ends.

^Good point. I wouldn't ask a women out dancing because I have two left feet and IMO that's a bit serious for a first date. But when you say you want to go dancing, you're also saying "There's a decent chance I swing the other way!"

You aren't alone. I didn't have a single date from 19-27. I had great friends, but was still very lonely. I've used Match off and on with some success. Go to their events and spend at least an hour a day online. They won't come to you, you have to find them. Sadly the women get 100 creepy e-mails a day and you have to hope to cut through all that. The few That I've met all seem to gasp at how "normal" I am. You will be disappointed by those who don't respond and out of date profiles.

Go to the best pizza place in town for a first date. Everyone like pizza and its casual. Play pool afterwards. Gives you both something else to do instead of just staring across the table at each other. Don't go to the movies (yet) you can't talk there.

ScreaminE wrote: +1 for Church if you're willing to. I met my wife at Church. We hit it off and got married pretty quickly. The difference between my wife and other girls I dated outside of the Church was the difference in our personal beliefs. I met a few girls in Texas that I instsntly clicked with, but when it came down to our personal/political/religious beliefs, we were always polar opposites. That may work for some , but not I. Long and short: look for someone who shares similar beliefs and interests. Wherever that may be.

Yes - finding a place where you can meet like minded women. Church worked for me.

Mitchell wrote: The trick to getting into a relationship is finally being satisfied that you are not in one.

There's a lot of truth to that. Women want a man who's enjoying life. If you're happy with how you are, women will find you more attractive, and you will have more confidence about asking them out.

Save up your money, sell off all your stuff, live in Ecuador for a year, move back to a mountain town of Colorado, and you'll have no problems landing chicks.

A buddy of mine was a small business owner, made his own schedule, owned his own place, knew how to have fun, but really sucked at getting girls. He's short, pudgy, and looks 16 (he's 27). Everytime he met a girl, he had a habit of bringing up relationships way too quickly, instead of approaching every girl as a new friend. Once he started making some female friends, he was able to understand that just because your attracted to someone doesn't mean you should ask them on a date.

He realized that by having "wing women", he did much better.

He got on Tinder, looked for a girl with a cute face knowing full well that it might not work, and is happily in a relationship.

PHeller wrote: Save up your money, sell off all your stuff, live in Ecuador for a year, move back to a mountain town of Colorado, and you'll have no problems landing chicks.

I don't think this will work. This won't make you The Exotic Foreigner - you'll still look and talk like the locals. It'll just make you that guy who lived abroad for a while and maybe has some interesting stories. Or maybe That Annoying Guy Who Always Talks About When He Lived Abroad

Ladies don't always want an exotic foreigner, but they may want a guy who left his nice corporate job to travel the world and seek adventure. And yes, talking too much about your year in Ecuador can be annoying, but it can also spark a level of interest moreso than saying "well, I've worked for 10 years for the same employer, in the same office, doing stuff you may or may not find interesting."

Pretty sure you are coming on too strong. I'm guessing you are in your late twenties. By that age, cute girls that aren't in a relationship usually fall in two categories: crazy or wounded. You don't want the crazy one. You can't fix crazy. EVER! I speak of experience.

The wounded ones have usually been lied to by some good looking D-bag who wanted to get in her pants. And by asking girls out on a date to go dance, you are associating yourself with those guys. Smart girls will have learned, and won't want to speak to you again, because you have just been associated with those guys. Also, it doesn't matter the activity, as long as it's something you genuinely like.

Now a warning. At this point, you are most likely feeling lonely and horny. Realise that this puts you in a very vulnerable spot, so be careful. You are more likely to accept a bad relationship when you are desperate for one. And a bad relationship is far worse than being lonely. You also wouldn't be the first dude to do something stupid because of his hormones. If they are screaming at you too loudly, get professional help if you need to. Seriously.

Embrace the bachelor life. As hard as it is to beleive right now, you'll miss it later.

I recommend learning to social dance (swing, blues, salsa, tango, ballroom, etc). Not only a great way to meet lots of women, but to get a sense of if you have chemistry. Also flattering attention even when you're not looking.

Get a puppy. Seriously. I got my dog and I couldn't keep girls away. They would come up and talk to me. Too bad I already had a gf.

Take them to the zoo or something. You can walk and talk.

Are you going after girls that are out of your league, or just generally aren't into guys like you? If you're trying to pick up party girls in a bar, don't be surprised if they're not interested when they find out you don't drink much. Church is similar. If they are super bible thumpers and you don't go to church, they probably won't be interested.

Online dating can work, but you have to realize that the girls are getting hundreds of messages from horny guys all day. If they're not attracted to your picture at first glance, you'll get skipped. It's similar to how HR people sort through resumes.

There are some really horrible ideas in this thread. I hear a lot of creepy "It rubs the lotion on it's skin..." in the undercurrent. Back on page one Mitchell said:

The trick to getting into a relationship is finally being satisfied that you are not in one.

It got a ton of votes because it's dead on. The stink of desperation is a repellent you cannot hide. Be comfortable being alone. Nothing draws in company like REALLY not giving a berkeley if you have any.

fanfoy wrote: Embrace the bachelor life. As hard as it is to beleive right now, you'll miss it later.

Yup. Says the 24 year old who has been with his fiance since he was 18.

Do I regret getting with her, and staying with her? Absolutely not! I wouldn't want anything else. But I would have liked a little more time on my own to just be a bachelor. And it is the little things, like throw pillows on the couch. Not good for your head, make the seating more uncomfortable, and they take up space. I want them burned, but she likes the way they look. Or her issues with the way that I do the dishes--I ate a sandwich on that plate, it has crumbs on it that I brushed into the trash. It is still good for another meal, but it can't go in the cupboard--but she gets annoyed if it is on teh table and puts it in the sink, causing more dishes. These are not big issues at all, or even issues--just annoyances--but I would have liked more time on my own without these things.

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: There are some really horrible ideas in this thread. Back on page one Mitchell said:

The trick to getting into a relationship is finally being satisfied that you are not in one.

It got a ton of votes because it's dead on. The stink of desperation is a repellent you cannot hide. Be comfortable being alone. Nothing draws in company like REALLY not giving a berkeley if you have any.

There actually is science behind this, phermones and all. And I can support it with my own anecdotal evidence as well.

Hang out at school supply stores. I swear most car guys I know are married to school teachers, including me.

After losing to two wives, one SO and one who could have been my soul mate. all but one from health issues, I now am beginning to like my oneness. I am free to do what I want, when I want. Go where I want. I do have one female friend that we get together for dinner or maybe a ride in the country, nothing serious. So make the best of your situation, get out there and mingle. Keep positive and don't give up. Hey, I still keep my eyes open for possibilities.

slefain wrote: Hang out at school supply stores. I swear most car guys I know are married to school teachers, including me.

Most of the ones I know are in a field related to nursing, including myself.

Right, I was going to say there are a lot women employed in teaching, nursing, social work, insurance, marketing, etc. Those are fields where women dominate the employment landscape.

moparman76_69 wrote:

slefain wrote: Hang out at school supply stores. I swear most car guys I know are married to school teachers, including me.

Most of the ones I know are in a field related to nursing, including myself.

Geez. Am I the only car guy that married into the Travel software development and implementation industy?

Jesus, sounds like competitive dating. Relax, it's supposed to be about enjoying each other, not being successful at luring someone in. How about just going to a club and dancing with a lot of girls? It's fun, and no pressure.

Lesley wrote: Jesus, sounds like competitive dating.

Welcome to dating from the mens' perspective

(We don't want it to be competitive...but that's how it is)

two pages and no one has mentioned tinder?

seriously, tinder = Shooting fish in a barrel

PHeller wrote: Ladies don't always want an exotic foreigner, but they may want a guy who left his nice corporate job to travel the world and seek adventure. And yes, talking too much about your year in Ecuador can be annoying, but it can also spark a level of interest moreso than saying "well, I've worked for 10 years for the same employer, in the same office, doing stuff you may or may not find interesting."

If a person is so dull that they need to leave the country and a well paying job behind to be interesting, probably not a person I'm interested in...

I've done plenty of amazing things in my life all while being a full time college student until age 22 and then while working.

Traveling doesn't make you an interesting person. YOU make you an interesting person. Passion makes you an interesting person is maybe a better way to put it. I'd find somebody interesting if their hobby was knitting, as long as they were passionate about it.

calteg wrote: two pages and no one has mentioned tinder? seriously, tinder = Shooting fish in a barrel

Tinder is not a dating website. This thread isn't about getting laid (insert rolleyes here).

HiTempguy wrote: Traveling doesn't make you an interesting person. YOU make you an interesting person. Passion makes you an interesting person is maybe a better way to put it. I'd find somebody interesting if their hobby was knitting, as long as they were passionate about it.

Ding. I'm a "race car" driver (autocross), guitar player, hockey player, NCAA (ACHA) Hockey Referee, Amateur cook, dog lover, fisheman, boater, wannabe outdoor enthusiast, and avid reader. I'd like to think I'm pretty interesting. And I have never left the country, and the only salt water I've seen was in an aquarium.