Ethical Question: Forum Classifieds

To be honest, it depends on what it is and how badly I needed it.

That sounds sort of like that old saying "From each according to his ability to each according to his need" or some such bull E36 M3.

I joke, I keed.

Glad all worked out, OP.

Money talks, bullhE36 M3 walks. I make offers, if they are accepted I pay. I do the same with selling, the first person with cash gets the goods.

I haven't lost any friendships in any of my dealings.

you were right either way (IMHO ) but the real question here is how did the other "bidder" find out that it was YOU that had made the offer... I probably wouldn't be very happy with the seller for sharing that info...

all he had to say to the "is it still available ? " guy was that he had had a firm offer and that he would put the asker second in line .....

If I'm serious on purchasing something based on a "stagnant" post, I CERTAINLY wouldn't bump it: I'd PM an offer pending availability of merchandise. Bumping it only re-highlights the post to other potential buyers- a tactical error.

When selling things, I'll hold them on someones word "to a point", but make it clear that that gesture has a very finite time limit, and that payment talks. I ran into this on a Neon forum when selling my SRT powered 1G neon. There was a bunch of "talk", and picture request etc. Before I could take the pictures, someone jumped in their car and drove down to look at the car with cash in hand. He bought it...but there was all sorts of furor from forum members who thought the car should be theirs. Meh.

Kudos to you, but I don't think you would've been wrong if you hadn't stepped aside.

The seller makes the rules. Sure, there is etiquette, but first one with the cash wins. I have also not sold to certain people because they don't give me a good "vibe". The seller has every right to choose who gets the parts in their own way. Let the seller and the other guy duke it out. Its not your problem. The parts are there, they're being offered, period.

I don't hold parts for people. Dibs doesn't mean E36 M3 to me, even on forums that use that etiquette, I just say "first one on my doorstep with cash or first one with a deposit in my paypal account gets it. Period." I sometimes make exceptions for some parts, but its rare.

To be clear, the poster asked if you would consider stepping aside. Seems reasonable to me, and kudos for you for doing so. You probably didn't have to, but certainly showed a degree of graciousness that has probably served you well in other areas of your life, too.

And in the end, it all worked out . . .

Been on both sides of the situation many times and Im fine with the "first one with cash wins" rule. The only time its ever bugged me is on some tight knit forums I'm on I've expressed interest in an item and a need to work out details and someone swooped in on me and bought it. I really dont mind that part so much as when that someone is a friend and didnt have the courtesy to shoot me an email to ask if it was ok to snake it from me. No they dont have an obligation, and its all water under the bridge but if its someone I know I wouldnt jump it without at least a courtesy email. In those situations Id personally give my blessing to go ahead if I didnt really have it sorted out, but I respect the courtesy of a contact first. From someone I dont know, meh, no foul, but from a personal acquaintance yeah, it annoys me.

When I traded in my old WRX, I was selling a ton of parts for it that wouldn't fit the new one. I made sure that I explained in the ads that I wasn't going to honor anyone "calling dibs" or anything like that. First come, first serve was the easiest way to go. I priced everything fair, and I got rid of it all pretty quickly and without much drama.

Now, selling a whole car? I've had simply no luck. I've had my 10th Anniversary Trans Am project car posted on a few enthusiast forums, and it's been nothing but a headache so far.

My word is my bond. I treat others the same way.

While the "money talks" guideline is acceptable, it is not the right thing.

The right thing is to say you will do something, then follow through.

That doesn't stop you from going above and beyond the call (which you did). But you did not owe it to him.

If I commit to buy something, it's a commitment. I recently bought a car from someone on this board. After asking if he could hold it for a little while, I said I wanted it. I asked if I could send him a deposit. He told me he doesn't do PayPal, and wouldn't take a deposit anyway. I took that to mean that he trusted me to follow through.

Picked up the car a couple weeks later.

I like doing business that way. Yes, I've been burned. I still like doing business that way.

curtis73 wrote: The seller makes the rules. Sure, there is etiquette, but first one with the cash wins. I have also *not* sold to certain people because they don't give me a good "vibe". The seller has every right to choose who gets the parts in their own way. Let the seller and the other guy duke it out. Its not your problem. The parts are there, they're being offered, period. I don't hold parts for people. Dibs doesn't mean E36 M3 to me, even on forums that use that etiquette, I just say "first one on my doorstep with cash or first one with a deposit in my paypal account gets it. Period." I sometimes make exceptions for some parts, but its rare.

This is how it has to work.

Your first mistake was answering that guys PM. You owed him nothing, and should have ignored him. I hope you realize that now. He was as capable as you at PM'ing the seller, and he chose not to do it. Snooze = lose. We all learn it one way or another.