9 days with my parents.. Highlights are..
1. Took kids to hershey park. kids had fun. Was very hot. My wife was so nervous about someone stealing our kids she didn't drink anything. We get to the hotel and my wife collapses.. Many cold showers and some gatorade later she's OK, but the night is shot. I nearly had to take her to the emergency room for IV fluids.
2. My son(3) has developed an allergy to dairy or lactose intolerance. He now poops his pants or yells( and I mean yells) at the top of his lungs that he has to poop. Usually happens at the worst possible time. Seriously.. He poops his pants at nearly the age of 4.
3. My father has developed the habit of yelling at the driver of the car when he thinks there is an unsafe situation. Which is every 3.5 seconds. Driving down the road with him includes him yelling at me about every possible side street, parked car, baby carriage, and intersection. During the vacation... I slam the car into park when we're moving and begin to yell at him about yelling at me. It was awesome. I drinking a lot.
4. A few days in and I've down a bottle of pastis already and am most of the way through some gin by myself.
5. I love the taste of beer but it does bad things to me.. parents are driving me nuts so I start drinking anything.. even beer.
6. My mom is unbelievably negative. I think she still harbors some resentment toward my dad because he never fulfilled his promise of "making her rich" when they were married. My dad has done the opposite. Carpets are threadbare.... So we have it out in a yelling fight about how much she is negative.. I drink more.
7. We go see my extended family. I realize they make us seem normal. I don't drink at all when with them. I don't need to...
9. My parents don't really plan anything for the kids. It's kind of a poop show. All my kids want to do is play with my dad, but he spends an incredible amount of time.
10. My mom gives me the finger a lot.
11. my son(3) pulls a rack of t-shirts down on himself in the Hershey park store... He now has a black eye and a huge scar across his chest.
12. my dad starts talking about the gays... and how he hates them. I'm starting to wonder if he has some repressed feelings due to his strong dislike for gay people.
13. My kids leave a light on in my dads car and drain the battery. My dad freaks out buys a battery and things the world is going to end. I swap my dads battery
14. My father has a business(long story, don't ask)... it's not very successful due to his personality issues, but it takes up a crazy amount of his time. My kids spend 50% of the time waiting for him to finish his work, yoga, tai chi and meditating. Seriously.. how can a guy who hates gay people so much spend so much time talking to Ganesh..
15. There are no kids toys at my parents house save a couple balls(it's too hot to play outside) and a cheapo electric piano. By day 5 I want to throw the piano out a window.... Consequently my kids spend an inordinate amount of time watching TV.
16. Wife comments on how angry I am.... I get angier and drink.
Things I learned..
1. I need to control the interactions better for the sake of my kids.
2. My parents can't plan anything.
3. I'm not doing this again.
4. My liver hurts.
5. I don't like the mid atlantic states anymore. Why the hell would anyone want to live in such an expensive, hot and stupid place. Noone is nice and everyone talks like tina fey...
Will add things more as the alcohol wears off.. I can't wait to go home and I can't wait to go to work.
I'm on vacation with my wife and kids. We're on an island in the Sheepscot river in Maine. 
