z31maniac said:*Tough love time*
With the multiple, multiple threads you've had over the years about jobs/career, moving, etc, you seem to have "Grass is greener-itis."
Life to too short too be unhappy. It's just a matter of knowledge and figuring out how to be happy without screwing others, or yourself, over in the long run. Yes, sometimes you lose money, sometimes you miss out on opportunity, sometimes you miss out on friend/family/social stuff. It's all about going through life with eyes open, not just blindly flipping the calender's page.
That being said, aside from getting into a nicer neighborhood, from a "saving money" standpoint of going to a single income, it wouldn't be worth it.
In reply to pheller :
Flip side of that is asking yourself why you're never content with your current situation, and therefore always searching for more happiness in other locations, jobs, houses, etc.
STM317 said:In reply to pheller :
Flip side of that is asking yourself why you're never content with your current situation, and therefore always searching for more happiness in other locations, jobs, houses, etc.
Precisely. That's why I was making the point about you seeming to have the constant "Something different will be better than this."
People our age and younger need to learn to be contented, while also trying to better ourselves. Have to strive for that balance. It's hard. It's taken me to my mid-30s, 2 different careers, 6 jobs in 11 years in the 2nd career, a divorce, a move to a new city, changing the focus of my career in the same field, etc.
Just take a deep breath and relax. The fact that you were able to buy a $300k house means, life is good.
Just because I haven't achieved X RIGHT THIS SECOND, doesn't mean I'm not still working toward it. Try to work toward that mindset.
In reply to z31maniac :
That’s really good advice. Keep striving to improve your life and prospects but don’t fail to stop to smell the roses too every once in a while.
I’m far from perfect and looking back I missed some opportunities. Both to be a better person and to achieve more. But I’m not filled with regret. Maybe because I stopped to smell those roses.
Did the junkman move in after you?
Nothing wrong with a couple Kia Souls.
Ear plugs are cheap.
Having said all that....
Buying and selling a house after 1-2 years means you ate the last transaction costs, have paid nearly nothing toward equity and now you'll eat some more fees.
Can you sell the house by owner? I've bought and sold that way and it is worth it if your local house market is strong.
Gonna cost you 10% to sell your house. So that means you're already $20k in the hole. Then you get to deal with the pain of moving, finding another place, the inevitable work you discover it needs after you've moved in and perhaps different, but as equally as annoying neighbors....
z31maniac said:People our age and younger need to learn to be contented, while also trying to better ourselves. Have to strive for that balance. It's hard. It's taken me to my mid-30s, 2 different careers, 6 jobs in 11 years in the 2nd career, a divorce, a move to a new city, changing the focus of my career in the same field, etc.
Just take a deep breath and relax. The fact that you were able to buy a $300k house means, life is good.
Just because I haven't achieved X RIGHT THIS SECOND, doesn't mean I'm not still working toward it. Try to work toward that mindset.
I 100% agree. It's hard though. And a lot of us deal with the generations before us saying, "When I was your age I accomplished this and that. What's taking your generation to get it together?" Amongst other social and economic pressures.
In reply to yupididit :
The key is to basically not give a E36 M3, and just "do you". Im not doing anything to impress others, I'm doing it to better my life and the life of my family. If other people appreciate it, that's great but that's not a factor at all in my decision making. It sounds selfish but if your focus is on yourself, then you don't notice or worry about what others are saying, or what they're buying, etc. You end up in a happier place, and probably a better financial place too when you're not watching others.
In reply to STM317 :
I've learned to be that way in the past few years. Trying to get my wife in the mindset....she has very successful asian parents lol
I'm not watching others or trying to keep up with then Joneses.
I'm trying to move someplace where I want my daughter to grow up having friends on the block, playing in the street, learning to ride bicycle without the fear of getting mowed down by a car.
My desire to move is a lot more than junk collecting neighbors and barking dogs.
Just trying to determine if that move should sooner rather than later.
It almost sounds like we might be better to go back to renting, but I have a hard time explaining that to my wife. She likes owning a home.
This is how I slum-up my neighborhood...
... and I have a dog that barks.
While neighbors complain about GRMers who collect quirky and junky cars, GRMers complain about neighbors who collect mundane cars! Haha!!
pheller said:We were thinking about working a deal with our last realtor to have her reduce her commissions since we bought with her.
Not a smart idea.
First off, Realtors generally do not negotiate their commissions. It sets a precedent that would undermine their business. Yes they can, but no they do not.
Secondly, IF they were to negotiate their commission, it would likely be by no more than 1%.
Third, that will put your listing in the MLS, and every other Realtor in your area will skip over it and never show your house, because they read the commission rates, and are not interested in working for less just because you are a cheapazz.
The ONLY value of working with a Realtor is access to their network of Realtor buddies, and you will eliminate all of them if you cut the commission.
In reply to pheller :
I am debating whether I should say this or not, because it's gonna sound like an "I told you so". Totally not my intention. I am taking a stab at it, because I think there is a valuable lesson in this that could help you (or others, or me). Please take it lightly.
It's only been 6 weeks ago since you posted this thread:
Need Help With A (Life) Plan - Finances, Housing, Career Outlook, Time Off, Kid Raising
In that thread, I made this comment:
SVreX said:In reply to pheller :
I suspect when you look at me you see a strange guy who you can't always understand with opinions different than yours.
When I look at you I see me 30 years ago.
Change is gonna happen. You are wise to think about it as a progression, but there is a lot more change coming than you are expecting.
I'm pretty sure your wife's attitudes about work will change, if she's anything like my wife. That means in 5 years your financial picture will change to a single income family, she will care less about rock climbing and mountain biking. And it means in 15 years she will be very focused on her women friends and family and stability, and you will be much more disengaged from your kids then you want, and working very hard to enable her staying home. Which also means you will spend less time climbing mountains.
So, if I could tell 30 year old me something, I'd say pursue stability, be rooted in a community, simplify your lifestyle, don't buy the bigger house, and accept that things will change with your wife. 30 year old me would not listen.
But to your credit, 30 year old me would also not have asked the question in the first place!
To which you replied (in part):
pheller said:...As far as my wife's future? I'm not entirely sure. She pretty much hates having an infant. Loves our baby, for sure, but I don't think she wants more. Once baby hits school-age, I think my wife will go stir-crazy. It's happened before when she moved to Flagstaff unemployed...basically got bored within a few days of doing nothing. She's not good at occupying herself, and she's an introvert - bad combo. The only thing that keeps her busy is cleaning, and the only reason cleaning takes up any time is because we spend a lot of time outdoors, have an overly large house and too much laundry due to our jobs. I think if she had no laundry and a smaller/simpler house she'd get bored really quick. Especially if kiddo was at school. This is a woman who likes to work, just likes working very specific, humanitarian or culturally interesting jobs - which are unfortunately usually found in progressive cities, not small rural towns.
I backed down and made no more comments in that thread, because I figured you knew your wife much better than me.
Today you wrote this:
pheller said:My wife has really been feeling the pull to be at home with our 6 month old. I originally thought the idea of a nanny coming to the house might satisfy her, but it's the stress of work and her lack of sleep that is wearing on her. She'll tough it out for now, but want to start looking at options.
So, here's my observation: It looks to me like your wife is changing MUCH faster than either you or I anticipated, or perhaps you don't know her as well as you think you do.
What's the lesson? Well, it is certainly not "I told you so". As I see it, the lesson is that just because we are smart and creative and able to come up with different solutions than anyone else (Doesn't that fit MOST of us here?), we should also take seriously the advice of others. Others have gone before us and experienced things we have not, and they might have some valuable insight.
I am sorry you are going through this. Sounds tough. There is a lot of good advice in this thread from people who are knowledgeable and have gone through it already- take it seriously.
In reply to pheller :
You are asking lifestyle questions and disguising them as financial questions. These are not money questions.
- Decide what you want and what is important to you without considering the money.
- How much will it cost?
- Is it worth the cost to you?
- If yes, then pay it.
Making the quality lifestyle choices that are important to you and your wife may cost you some money. It may not save you anything.
SVreX said:So, here's my observation: It looks to me like your wife is changing MUCH faster than either you or I anticipated, or perhaps you don't know her as well as you think you do.
What's the lesson? Well, it is certainly not "I told you so". As I see it, the lesson is that just because we are smart and creative and able to come up with different solutions than anyone else (Doesn't that fit MOST of us here?), we should also take seriously the advice of others. Others have gone before us and experienced things we have not, and they might have some valuable insight.
Note: I'm not the OP.
My own anecdote: My wife came from a family where her mom worked. She always said she was always going to be working full time, even when we had kids. She was preaching that until around... March. Baby is due in November. Ya'll can do the math. Wifey is now asking if she can stay home with the baby.
I don't think that anyone can predict what a woman will want to do when she becomes a mother.
Wanting to stay home with the kids is a pretty universal desire. And not just for new moms either. I was able to take some time off when our daughter was born, and let's just say that I didn't miss work at all. MrsSTM's still on maternity leave and has been hinting all along that she'd rather stay home, but I've been pretty clear that it's not an option right now.
I know everybody's situation is different, but we view our relationship as an equal partnership. Both parents working is our plan. We could probably get by on my income alone, but it would be tight. It would also mean that funds to do things that my wife wants (travel, bathroom remodels, college savings for our daughter, etc) wouldn't be available. I also pointed out that her staying home would put a serious delay on our overall financial plans, and would likely lead to me having to work 10 or more years longer than planned. We agreed that such an arrangement wouldn't exactly be fair to 'equal partners'.
So, both of us will work. We'll have a fair bit more flexibility when it comes to expenditures. We can use that extra income to travel with our daughter and expose her to new things, Give her new experiences, Pay for extra curricular activities, etc. She'll grow up knowing that women and men are equally capable of contributing and providing for a family. And when it's time for Higher Ed, she should have a bit of cushion to avoid crippling debt. And my wife and I will both be able to retire "early" enough to be able to enjoy it.
After 16 years I'm still in my 1st house since apartment living. Whenever I start feeling like the place is a dump I try to think back to sharing thin walls and fighting for street parking and all that fun. HTH.
I'll admit it, you guys certainly did tell me so. I'd say the only thing that keeps her working is the fact that so many other working moms tell her "you've got a such a great flexible job, you're so lucky."
She'll likely never have a work-from-home job that pays what hers pay ever again.
Is your house big enough to consider something like Air Bnb?
Could be a very nice way to augment a stay-at-home role.
Unfortunately not, because I think we'd be 100% open to such an idea. In fact, our second floor has gotten comments from friends and family who say "jeez if your second floor had a kitchenette it would be like an AirBNB." It's very minimalist.
There are two things working against us:
1) Second floor is essentially two stories up from the parking area. If we added an outside entrance to it, it would be a big stairway to get inside, but doable.
2) Parking is extremely limited, and unfortunately, aside from buying out the junk neighbors across the street, I've got no way of expanding my parking beyond 2 cars in the driveway and 1 in the garage.
Air BnB certainly does not need a kitchen, nor a separate entrance.
I don't particularly care for strangers to be walking through my house during my daily activites. My house is a little too centralized for that. We could move to upstairs and it would help, but in reality its the parking situation that kinda ruins it.
To clarify, I live in a rural community with no sidewalks, and because I live at an intersection, parking in front of my house on the street is rife with dangers. The distance between my house and the road is 20-25'. When I park my truck backed up against the garage, I only have about 8' in front of the bumper before my paver driveway end and its blacktop. Two trucks the size of my Tundra would not be able to open their doors if parked side-by-side.
Funny enough, I told my wife when we put on an offer on this place that "the driveway and parking situation will drive us crazy." She didn't believe me how important a driveway is, but here we are.
Now, could we rent the place on the weekends while we're out adventuring? Probably.
Being content goes back to Paul in the Bible. He talked about whatever state of life your in you need to learn to be content.
The richest man is the man who has no wants and is happy with what he has.
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