Getting SWMBO to stop using her car as a purse. (dangerous subject)

It is quite amusing how differently people treat different spaces.

SWMBO (claims that she) hates clutter. She frequently complains that I pile things up on the table just inside the door I usually leave and return from work via and that the clutter drives her nuts. Yet her car is 10x worse- she probably has enough half-empty water bottles in her SUV to survive on for a week, stuffs kleenex/napkins used as such in the lower storage cubbies in the doors until they're overflowing, and just generally has tons of crap kicking (literally, kicking is required to have a place to put your feet anywhere but in the driver's seat...) around in the car.

Not that I'm all that much better I realize- I don't care about the stuff piled up on the table, but it frustrates me when she cooks something in a pot or pan and leaves the pan or pot on the stove without cleaning it out or leaves crap to dry on the knives after preparing food.

You know how you "have to clean" before the cleaning lady comes? Just find a local detailer that will pick the car up and drop off the car while she works. You don't even have to actually get them to pick the car up. Just the thought of a stranger seeing their mess will make them clean it up for the most part. My detailer posts gross interiors on facebook. I show them to my wife. Her car stays pretty clean.

It seems you are asking how to fundamentally change the behavior of your everlovin' spouse.  

I don't think I understand the question, maybe get her a car that you can hose out, like a Jeep or something

I am a licensed state inspector. The rolling dumpsters I have seen would amaze you.  There is messy and then there is in need of help messy. 

@ The OP.  I would just get another car for you.  I have the opposite problem. My wife hates a messy car but will not clean the cars. It is my responsibility.  On the other hand she cleans the house, bathrooms, and does laundry. I am not allowed to touch that stuff. I have been told I do it wrong.  

Just roll with it.  

My ex SWMBO was this way. Clean house, rolling dumpster in the car. I had plans to take pictures of the interior of the car, frame them, and hang them in the house so guests could see the flaw in her ways. We got divorced before I got around to doing it. A great opportunity missed. 

My wife is strange about car cleanliness. She hates having stuff in the car, when we go on road trips things have to be strategically placed and neat if there is anything in the car. We usually stop a few times to just move some things or clean empty bottles or trash up from the drive. However, the car is usually FILTHY outside, I have my own detailing business as a side gig, so a part of me dies every time I see the car dirty. Now here's the fascinating part, I routinely offer to clean the car, as much as it pains me, i'll take it through a paint killing full brush carwash at the gas station just to save time. But my offers are usually always shot down and I never truly understand why. Filthy car + husband who enjoys cleaning car = happy wife, except it doesn't. 7 years later and I still haven't figured her out. This is how the car usually looks.

Your idea of a filthy exterior is radically different than mine.

In reply to Appleseed :

It's filthy to me considering the car is just driven maybe 50 miles a week.Sprinklers and tree sap are doing the most damage at her job. The other pain point, is when she puts her purse or the diaper bag on the trunk of the car. 

thedanimal said:

7 years later and I still haven't figured her out.

 

 You just defined marriage.  

And knowledge. You know that you don' know.

Based on personal experience, waiting until you can't stand it and providing helpful advice ("You know this is a car, not a dumpster, right?") is the wrong approach.  

Also, Wally wins the internet for at least the next decade.  

Look at the bright side...

She craps out her car, but she puts up with you!  

SVreX said:

Look at the bright side...

She craps out her car, but she puts up with you!  

There is merit in that!

And thanks everyone, I think I needed the reassurance that I'm not the only one dealing with this. 

I had these same type of problems with my lady, messy car, pots left overnight in the sink. I tried bribing her to clean the car by offering to get her a Miata, porsche 944, 3 serries BMW, 90s SL etc if she would clean the rust free $500 Focus that was filthy and we could sell it for a little more than we paid for it. Instead she put 25,000 miles on it and added to the filth.

When she died unexpectedly last May I realized that a dirty car and a pan in the sink don't matter. Appreciate the wonderful in your wife.

Braden

My S-I-L stopped by our house years ago driving a new turbo Cougar.  I went out to look at it and it was filthy.  I couldn’t stand it and cleaned out her car.  Nobody should be that nasty.  

My wife used to be a fastidious house keeper.  Not any more.  And that now extends to her cars.  

pilotbraden said:

I had these same type of problems with my lady, messy car, pots left overnight in the sink. I tried bribing her to clean the car by offering to get her a Miata, porsche 944, 3 serries BMW, 90s SL etc if she would clean the rust free $500 Focus that was filthy and we could sell it for a little more than we paid for it. Instead she put 25,000 miles on it and added to the filth.

 

When she died unexpectedly last May I realized that a dirty car and a pan in the sink don't matter. Appreciate the wonderful in your wife.

 

Braden

 

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I would be devastated. Thank you so much for putting this whole discussion into perspective. 

Little update on this. The flat refusal to drive her car for a few weeks got the message across, and it only got better with time. So much better than when the head gasket let go 2 months ago I didn't hesitate to pull the trigger on an 18' Toyota IM for her. 

She asked me one night why I wasn't driving the car anymore, and I explained than it just seemed more prudent to drive the truck than to get even further pissed off.  That started it. Then she started having to go to meetings across the county, and the prospect of having people ride with her helped it along to the point if she knew ahead of time she was going to have passengers all she needed to do was to give it a quick vacuum as not everyone appreciates dog hair the way we do. When it broke a few months later, we got the IM. Now I'm just looking for a motor for the Sentra so I can offload it without giving it away. She even refuses to smoke in the new car which makes me all kinds of happy, as the smell has been driving me nuts since I quit 3 years ago. 

Think of the boatload of money you are saving by not buying your wife a much nicer car she would take pride in.   

With this in mind, sitting on her tube of lipstick and shoes can actually be a really great feeling.

I’m very organized and my wife is a complete slob.

To me, the visual noise coming from her mess invokes the same level of stress as would the auditory noise associated with living at a never-ending rock concert. I can’t think as clearly - it’s much harder to accomplish goals when you’ve got to constantly fight your way through all of her junk – everything is less satisfying because whatever it is, it’s buried deep within the piles of her E36 M3.

Anyway, my mom passed away last August, my dad doesn’t want to stay in their home anymore, he’ll soon be asking me to buy the house and I’m going to decline.

It’s a big place with a beautiful view (as of today, Zillow puts the value at 1.26 MM) but there’s no point in upgrading when I know SWMBO will immediately have it totally berked up. It’s really sad because I grew up in that home and when it’s gone, it’s gone but again, there’s no point, SWMBO would have it reduced to E36 M3 in no time.

At least there’s some satisfaction is seeing all those years of not giving a E36 M3 about how harmful her mess was to me finally affecting her…our current home is worth 900K so she's unwittingly pi$$ing away a 360K lifestyle upgrade.

Wow dude, sounds like there's more going on than a dirty car. 

My wife has severe OCD and considers our house a wreck non stop. Between me and two boys there's usually coats and shoes out of place. Her car is clean on the inside all the time. She usually snarls at me for leaving an empty can or bottle in it. She hates riding in my winter beater because there's always junk laying in it. Sometimes her utter devotion to cleaning drives me nuts. She can't sit down and eat if there's an empty pan ready to wash. I'd much rather deal with a dirty car. 

I am attempting to design a new lottery game: Guess the Age of the Apple Cores/Orange or Banana Peels.

I'm not certain how to sell the tickets...

Seriously, cleaning out the cup holders &c. whenever I take her car for gas (I have the Sam's Club membership) is the least I can do. Eight years together this month, seven and a half married, two kids. No time for projects, I have to wait until something breaks in order to wrench. I wouldn't prioritize it otherwise for anything.

My wife won't clean the house or the car. 

We pay for a maid to do the house.  

If we are going somewhere in her Edge I spend a few minutes with a garbage can dragged over and throw away all the trash.  Mostly water bottles, old receipts, newspapers, food wrappers.  

I did mostly get her to stop letting the kids eat and drink in her vehicle.  I don't allow and food or drink in my vehicles and the kids get mad at me about that but too bad.

She is a good cook, works, and is satisfying in other ways so I just deal with it.  Married 29 years.

My wife smokes in the car and transports our dogs.

I'm willing to clean up one of those two dirt sources but not both. The filth in the car doesn't seem to bother her at all. I generally avoid driving or riding in it unless we are taking the dogs somewhere.

When we go out together we always take my Mustang. It is always clean and sits in the garage. Her rolling dumpster parks outside. She doesn't like this. IDGAF because the garage is my domain.

We will be getting a 'new' car for her soon. It will pain me to spend thousands on something she will trash but a dependable vehicle is a necessity. Such is married life.

Car guy Pro Tip:  Don't get married.

In reply to ddavidv :

I read your first line as "My wife smokes in the car and transports our drugs" and was like damn, she's hardcore.