Not a story about checking an ad, but a case where the ad tells a story - or the poster planted evidence in the car to make it go viral. Here's the ad:
The real story is in the pictures.
OK, we've got some front end damage...
The engine might be salvageable. What shape is the interior in? Figure all the air bags were deployed...
Yes. Yes they were.
So we went to pickup my "sexy lexy" ls400 from Craigslist. (More on the name later) Meant to get on the road at 8am sharp. Well, I stayed up late drinking. Got on the road about 10am. It was 102* that day. Why do I always choose those days...
Had to drive from sisters, Oregon to aloha to meet A friend. He had a pair of front rims for the car. I needed those because the "sexy lady" that sold me the ls400, had sold the massive 18" rims that were on it in the pics, and had purchased some 15" rims for it to replace them. But my friend checked out the car and said the fronts needed 16" wheels but the rear 15" rims would clear the calipers.
Then after that we made our way out to Gresham, to the ghetto. We got the front rims on. Ez peezee. Checked fluids, started her up, put her in reverse, stepped on it. Nothing. The engine roared, the suspension compressed. But it wouldn't budge. It was like the e brake was on. Played with some ish, long story short- the 15" rims wouldn't clear the calipers (my buddy is a dingus, he torqued the 15" rims down even though they were interfering) so we tried filing the rotors down. No go. We tried an angle grinder. No go. We tried washers from Home Depot to try and space the rims outward. No go. So finally we decide "hey, let's remove the rear rotors all together. So we unbolted those turds and tried zip ties to hang them out of the way.
Well that wasn't going to work, zip ties are weak against hot exhaust on a 102* day. So we asked this ladies boyfriend, aka "cleatus" if he had anything. He got us some bailing wire. It worked. He however did not. This guy was nuts. The F-bomb was literally every other word. In the process, he revealed to us that his girlfriend (lady selling the car) is in Vegas seeing her daughter. They are both strippers. Lol. Lol. Lol. I could've called it. Later, on the ride home we found a half used tube of vag cream in the trunk of the "sexy lexy" I suddenly didn't wanna touch any part of this car! The long drive home I had this really uncomfortable feeling in my stomach, thought it was the extreme gross out I had from the cooch creme. About 2am that night, I woke up and pissed blood. No joke. Kidney stones. on the couch all day. Automotive adventures are always full of memories, am I right? we got home around 930pm... The whole drive home was miserable because, at first, the "Junkyard Cleatus plastic wrap special" window wrap was loud as crap, so we took it off. But did I mention it was 102°?!?! Yeah, that was a loooooong drive home.
So we drove home over a steep mountain pass in a t boned ls400 with no rear brakes.
I'm gonna go pre-Craigslist on y'all. 
Back around 1999, I was in high school and I found myself in a predicament. My daily driver $250 1987 Mercury Cougar XR7's transmission decided reverse was overrated, so I was on the hunt for a cheap replacement for the car. Naturally, that led me to hit up the shady used car lots near the junkyard I frequented.
After looking at a grandma fresh 1979 Olds Cutlass I should have bought and a 1985 IROC-Z with a mini chain link steering wheel that wouldn't take a jump, I was on the way home when I saw a absolutely ridiculous 1979 Z28 on the shadiest of used car lots. I had to stop.
This one was two tone red and black, and the interior was redone in Parisian Brothel Red velour with button tuck seats and a subwoofer hacked into the rear package tray. But, it was all there, rust free, and ran! But there was something off about this thing, and I'm not talking about the crusty velour. I went over to check the VIN to see what engine it came with originally, and the VIN tag was GONE. The whole thing, ripped out from the dash! So, where was it?
In the thickest Boston accent imaginable, the mechanic/dealer owner/salesman said, "Yahhh, the Staties got the VIN. The guy who owned tha cahhh used to run coke with it. Some guy from Weymouth, big time drug dealahhh. I built the engine myself! It was wicked faast, dood. I think I can get it back from the Staties..."
And with that, we bid that car and it's seller adieu.
A few years later, there was a movie released starring Johnny Depp called Blow about a guy who dealt cocaine and other drugs and he was from...
Weymouth, Massachusetts.
Was that sweet, sweet Camaro his? Gotta ask the Staties, cuz they got the VIN, khed.
I have a double CL deal with the same vehicle.
So last November we decide to run a truck for the $2017 Challenge. I hit CL and find a Ford Ranger 45 minutes away for $400. Looks cleanish but seller says that the engine is seized. We head down with the trailer and see it's as advertised. I never even check out the seized engine as we're going to swap it anyway. I end up talking him down to $275.
So now my mistake. We get it home and start working the budget out. For what I want to do it comes in at $2000 and we haven't turned a wrench yet to find any surprises. Say berk it and decided not to run it in the Challenge.
Few weeks later I tell Chris that we need to get rid of it. At this point it's been sitting on my trailer not even looked at. We pop the hood and try to start. Nothing happens. Grab a breaker bar and the crank turns but hard as hell to do it. We pop the serpentine belt and crank turns easy. Wtf? Quick grab of accessories find the alternator is seized. 30 minutes later we're back from the junkyard with one and it's running.
So then I put it on CL for $1200 expecting $1000. Guy calls me and ask how much is it. I say well I'm asking $1200 in the ad. He says he has $1000 and I can tell he's about to hang up. I tell him to come look at it real quick. He gives me a story about having to bum a ride from his son and doesn't know when. So little later he text and says he's on the way.
I make sure I'm outside and they pull up but park like they're going to make a get away from a bank robbery. Meth cook looking dude jumps out doesn't even look at me and walks over to the truck looking in the passenger window. I walk up and hand him the key so he can check it out. He goes to the driver side reaches in and starts it up for 5 seconds. He turns it off and walks over to me says "Well I told you I had a grand." as he hands it to me. Lil Stampie is now standing beside me so I hand that to him and tell him to count it. I sign the title and meth dude yells to his wife to come on. Money is good (I even quickly check serial numbers) and I tell the dude there's no tag or insurance as he's obviously going to drive off. He drops the tailgate and says that's ok. I swear it's like 3 minutes since they drove up till they're off.
I look at Lil Stampie and he looks at me and says "What was that?" I just shake my head and walk back in the house.
Back in November I discovered rust in my 2002 WRX wagon that I determined to be terminal. Arm sized holes in both rear strut towers. That, combined with the rusty rear subframe, other work needed, changing inspection laws, 297k miles, made me decide to replace the car.
I end up finding a decent looking 5spd 2005 Outback on local CL with fresh headgaskets advertised for $2250. I go look and it checks out, no lights or anything and seems to be in decent shape. Start talking to the seller (25 years old, this becomes important later) and he's definitely a car guy with all kinds of projects. Explain my situation and he expresses some interest in my car to swap the drivetrain into his old Impreza coupe. Cool. Long story short we work out a trade for my WRX + $1000 for the Outback (with a some parts swapping in between).
Go back the next night to make the swap. Halfway there he calls and says he has to leave but someone else will be there to do paperwork. Red flag, but it's the day before Thanksgiving so travel isn't unexpected. No problem. Get there, do the paperwork with his room mate, and leave in the Outback. Pretty painless.
1/2 mile down the road the CEL comes on. 
Pretty much set the tone for that car.
A couple weeks later the WRX is on CL for $2500, advertised as having a clean body and sporting some tan Forester front seats. It has been sold a couple times since then and I actually saw it a couple weeks ago - that poor thing is one majorly clapped out E36 M3box now 
About a month later I see a news story about a 25 year old who got arrested trying to cross the border into Canada with his 13 year old girlfriend for an overnight trip. Why does his name sound familiar? Yep, the guy I just bought a car from Needless to say, that earned the car it's second thorough interior detail.
The Outback was okay, except for the persistent CEL for cylinder 2 and 4 misfires. Spent a ton of time trying to diagnose that, closest thing I got to an answer was those two cylinders had noticeably lower compression.
I washed my hands of that car as soon as I could once spring rolled around.
Years ago I found a nice looking (at least in the CL pics) factory front split bench seat for my g-body Regal. I drive over an hour to the sellers house thinking I'm going to buy it (the price was good). As I arrived at the sellers address it was raining out at this point and it had rained most of the previous evening at my house. I see he has the seat in question sitting outside in front of his house. I was concerned as the seat did not so much as even have a cheap tarp covering it. He had a two car garage but the door was closed. I touched the seat and it was completely soaking wet. He opens the door to his house and yells out "howdy". I asked him how long the seat sat outside. He said he put it outside last night (after I called him on the phone to inquire). I asked how much rain they got (being he was an hour away from me). Without hesitation he said "oh it's been pouring cats and dogs all night" and he chuckled. I told him of my concerns that the seat was now completely soaked. He laughed and said it could dry out in front of a fan or set it out in the sun. Mind you this was either March or April with temps in the low 40's, and the weather doesn't really warm up until at least May here typically. I was pretty disappointed he let this seat get completely soaked when he knew I was coming to look at it. This was the faux crushed velour that so many of the GM cars had back in the day. It may have dried out completely by the end of summer up here. I didn't even give him a verbal response, I just walked back to my truck shaking my head and left for the long and empty handed drive home.
A friend of mine wants to run in a demo derby so we went to look at a cheap dodge stratus today. I wasn't put off by the need to jump start the car, its had been sitting for while and that is understandable. But there were hornet nests hidden under the doors and trunk that made the car difficult to hop in a start up. Once we had the hornets under control I noticed some smoke coming from the front of the car... Couldn't find the source at first, but the smell wasn't your typical burning oil or antifreeze. Turns out the a/c compressor clutch was dying and not spinning quite fast enough while the drive belt was smoking. We walked away from that one.
Two good ones below, once as a seller and once as a buyer:
First, a tale of woe as a buyer.
On the Chicago DSM Mailing List circa 2003 or so there was a 99 GSX with a bad motor being sold for $750. Complete car, good title, dude just had to have it gone. I am home from college on spring break, so I call Dude, he has bad english (eastern European) but tells me he will be home at 4 PM and gives me his address. Its about a 2-3 hour drive for me from Wisconsin, so I gas up my truck, grab my floor jack, pancake compressor, basic tools, run to my friend's house to scoop up him and his dad's trailer, and head off to Chicago. Get dicked by some tolls, but get there no problem. Find the house, not in too bad of a neighborhood. Knock on the door, dude's dad answers, has no idea where dude is, calls him, tells me he will be there in 15 minutes, and I should head around to the alley.
Pull around to the alley there is a 20 yard rollback half full of dirt and wet concrete blocking the whole garage. While we are waiting, my friend and I pop the door on the garage and look. Its a gorgeous car, slightly disassembled, but all there, 5 speed, nice mods, resale red, etc. We unhook the trailer and hook my 250k mile 95 F150 to the back of the rollback with a chain, trying to drag it. No dice of course. Try jacking it up to roll it, no dice of course. Dude shows up, and I ask him why he told me to show up when there was a dumpster blocking the garage. He apparently doesn't live at home, and didn't know the dumpster was there. He ended up giving me $50 for gas, told me the dumpster would be moved in a few days and he would call me. Never called me, I ended up driving home with the license plate folded down around my trailer hitch and blowing all the tolls. At least we got some Burger King out of the deal.
Second, a tale of humor as a seller:
I was a senior in high school and knew very little. For $250, I purchased a sweet 88 Cougar XR7 that I had plans to pull the motor from and put in in my RX-7. The Cougar was all there, but ran rough (bad coolant temp sensor maybe? tons of black smoke) and the paint was bad. The interior stank too. It had 3 good wheels and a donut spare. Everything you would expect for $250.
As with most well laid plans, the Cougar and RX-7 mashup never saw the light of day. I realized this a year later when I was off to college and short on cash that I should sell this turd. An ad is placed on the old Excite Classifieds and a couple of White Trashies from Wisconsin Dells call me up. I tell them the car is at my parents' house, they are welcome to call my mom and arrange a time to go look at it, but no rush as it isnt leaving till spring time as its at the bottom of a hill and snowed in. I get a call from my mom an hour later, wondering why some idiots are driving down to look at a $500 Cougar in the middle of a snow storm. They make it down, leave $250 deposit, and my dad tells them they can come get the car once the snow is gone and the ground is good.
So the weekend they are coming to pick up the car, by blind chance, I am home. They tell me they will be coming around noon on Saturday. We get the car pulled up the hill, it takes a jump and runs but won't restart. Battery is cashed. Position the car on top of the driveway and wait.
4 PM comes. Mr White Trash and his girl finally show up. In an S10 with a Uhaul trailer. This Cougar weighs more than an S10. They told us that the S10 had the fuel pump die on the way down.
Picture this. The car is at the top of a medium hill, facing down a driveway. An S10 is backed up the driveway with a trailer. This S10 does not have a good parking brake, so a floor jack is used to keep it from rolling. The plan, concocted by the White Trashies, is to roll the Cougar down the hill onto the trailer. Now a Cougar, with no power steering or brakes, is not known for its stopping prowess, nor were these brakes good to begin with.
The Cougar is rolled down the hill, hits the trailer, and takes flight. It ends up with the front of the car touching the tailgate of the truck. The truck has rolled forward onto the floor jack popping the tire of the truck. Mr White Trashy is freaking out, he is trapped in the car because it came down into the wheelwells of the trailer and guess what- no power for the power windows.
In an act of heroism or sheer stupidity, Mr White Trashy KICKS THE WINDOW OUT OF THE CAR! He crawls out, surveys the damage, and starts cussing. My dad, being a better man than I, calmly gets a floor jack, a bunch of 4x4s, and 2x12s, and gets the Cougar back on the trailer. We even happen to have a spare wheel for the S10, so we get 50 bones for that, and get Mr White Trashy fixed up and headed home. I hope he liked his Cougar.
I sold a Chevy Nova (The Corolla one) for $500. Guy comes back like 15 minutes later saying it's overheating. I felt bad and offered him back the $500. He takes the 5 Benjamins, but then hands me back one "for being a cool dude".
Well, now I have to spend $25 to get a fresh title. And repair the cooling system. Which needed a new radiator cap. So I'm still ahead like $50.
And I sold it again the following week to a friend of a friend for $600, but he has $300 and wants to make payments. I'm okay with that, because I know how to find the guy.
He gave me the $300, and another 4 payments of $100. Do the math yourself. I did okay on that one.
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