Guilt Tripping Bosses?

How would you deal with a guilt tripping manager?

Mine consistently is making little comments to try to make you feel bad. She did it again just now by texting and asking me to take a van to the shop for service before I leave on my run for the day. I told her I don't have time, that I have an errand to run before I come into work. She tells me that's fine she see if she can pay another person I work with to do it.

First off, that's not the drivers job, the manager is to take care of all vehicle service. Secondly, I don't give a flying berkeley who you have to contact or that you're going to pay them for 20 minutes of work.

This isn't the first time this has happened and I have already spoken to her boss about it. Luckily she may not be the manager much longer, but I'm not holding my breath.

Is there anyway to respond to this or deal with this?

It isn't a guilt trip if you don't care. So zero berkeleys seems to be the best solution.

Just tell her you'll need her to approve overtime for it.

I think the kids say "#sorrynotsorry"

I just don't take guilt from other people.

Passive aggressive people like that drive me nuts- so I just try to avoid them.

I'm just responding to tell you that your written words do not convey an issue but seem like a rather straight forward response.
Just to repeat:

Manager: ...texting and asking me to take a van to the shop for service before I leave on my run for the day.
SBF: I told her I don't have time, that I have an errand to run before I come into work.
Manager: She tells me that's fine she see if she can pay another person I work with to do it.

Of course, I do not know the manager but don't try to read too much into the text she wrote.
I read:
Manager: Can you...
SBF: No I can't...
Manager: Okay, I'll try someone else.

I don't see the issue here. She asked. You said no. She said she would figure something else out. I don't see a guilt trip at play.

Just tell them "ByeFelicia" whenever they do that.....I always counter it with a smartass comment of "Nope, NOpe, & NOPE" and kindly point out I was demoted from doing anything more than warehouse duties.

She has the type of personality that needs to get everyone else to do her work for her to be fulfilled. You won't change it, therefore, best to ignore it and not get sucked into her BS.

Just ignore it and move on. I know it's irritating, I have a boss that does the same thing. But really the only way to deal with it is to shrug it off and go on. Like you said, it's not your job to do that and certainly not before work hours unless they are offering to pay overtime or let you off work early.

T.J. wrote: I don't see the issue here. She asked. You said no. She said she would figure something else out. I don't see a guilt trip at play.

I think the issue I would have is that she mentioned having to pay someone else to do it, implying that a, I would do it for free, and b, her expenses are my issue.

The guilt trip is the " I'll have to pay someone else to do it..." Totally unnecessary to mention that unless your intention is to goad someone into doing what you want by playing on their emotions.

Berk your stupor-visor.

In reply to joey48442:

If she was assuming that you would do it for free, then I can see that would rub you the wrong way. Why would she assume you would do it for free but that she'd have to pay for the other person to do it? Do you have a history of working for free for her? Without being there and hearing the actual conversation, I cannot really make a call either way. Her expenses are not your concern, I agree, but consider that she just may have been thinking out loud and not trying to lay a guilt trip on you.

T.J. wrote: In reply to joey48442: If she was assuming that you would do it for free, then I can see that would rub you the wrong way. Why would she assume you would do it for free but that she'd have to pay for the other person to do it? Do you have a history of working for free for her? Without being there and hearing the actual conversation, I cannot really make a call either way. Her expenses are not your concern, I agree, but consider that she just may have been thinking out loud and not trying to lay a guilt trip on you.

I agree there. What we run into at work is the boss wanting us to "swing by such and such on the way home" when such and such is actually 20 minutes past my house, so in the end I arrive home an hour later, but the boss only wants to pay for the actual 20 minutes I was at the stop. That to me is an issue.

I'm not sure if the OP was a similar off the clock situation, but with her complaining about having to pay someone else, I suspect it was.

Is she hot?

In reply to Datsun310Guy:

No

In reply to SyntheticBlinkerFluid:

Obviously not, or you would out be doing errands for her off the clock instead of here complaining about her lack of good boss skills.

In reply to T.J.:

This has nothing to do with making money. This has to do with the fact that she thinks she can coax me into doing something (which isn't my job in the first place) by saying that she'll pay someone else. Is this supposed to make me feel bad? Its annoying and unnecessary.

Also, she says she'll pay you, but always seems to forget to submit the paper work to payroll. That happened to me twice and I decided I wasn't doing anything that I couldn't enter my own time in anymore.

Oh, and it's not thinking out loud if it's been texted to you.

SyntheticBlinkerFluid wrote: How would you deal with a guilt tripping manager? Mine consistently is making little comments to try to make you feel bad. She did it again just now by texting and asking me to take a van to the shop for service before I leave on my run for the day. I told her I don't have time, that I have an errand to run before I come into work. She tells me that's fine she see if she can pay another person I work with to do it. First off, that's not the drivers job, the manager is to take care of all vehicle service. Secondly, I don't give a flying berkeley who you have to contact or that you're going to pay them for 20 minutes of work. This isn't the first time this has happened and I have already spoken to her boss about it. Luckily she may not be the manager much longer, but I'm not holding my breath. Is there anyway to respond to this or deal with this?

The word "She" tells the whole story. Typical female move. Try being a Nurse with 90 percent of the staff operating on this principle!

Edit: Me myself being the pointy haired boss of a department, one of the first things I teach new employees to say is "NO" when it is appropriate. A lot of people ARE guilted into doing things that are not properly rewarded for, and the hidden resentment does build up. This comes back to bite you eventually.

In reply to SyntheticBlinkerFluid:

There are a few customers I'll pick up/drop off from on my own time, but I usually spend an hour there chatting with them & gaining industry knowledge so it's not something I could ethically expect to be paid for.

In reply to SyntheticBlinkerFluid:

In that case it is only as irritating as you let it be. If it really is just her trying to guilt you into doing something that is not your responsibility to do and something that takes time that you will not get paid for, then simply choose to not feel guilty about it. Sounds like you are not the one who is being unreasonable. Perhaps it would be wise to document when things like this happen so when she decides to 'make you pay' for not being a team player then you'll have the ammo you need to defend yourself.

In reply to T.J.:

Well like I said in my OP, her boss is aware and I actually called him again today. He said that it is unacceptable for her to be saying that and it's none of my business who she's supposedly paying for something I'm not available to do.

Don't you work for a pretty big company? I'm thinking she could get her ass in a sling for these kind of stunts. Big outfits like to keep everything on the up and up.

Is this truck assigned to you? Why is the service not scheduled with your regular stops during business hours? When I was at Stanley, we had a coupon book for scheduled services. When the mileage tripped, we would tell dispatch and they would block off part of our day, first thing in the morning, to get it done.

In reply to Toyman01:

To answer your first question, her boss is already aware how unprofessional she is. She is not a people person and there is a laundry list of issues that has come about, not just from me. They are currently looking for a new manager.

As for the servicing, there is no set schedule that I'm aware of, I'm not the manager, so I couldn't tell you. It's clearly stated in our employee manual that it is one of the managers duties to take the vans in for service, get them cleaned and maintain them (washer fluid and such).

Part of the problem is that our particular location does not have an office for whatever reason (other locations do), so she has to work out of her house, which is less than 10 minutes away from the yard. You probably already know where I'm going with this.