This time of year for us "northerners" is always the hardest. Add in a E36 M3ty year, E36 M3ty conditions, a boss that can only communicate in insults and negativity (which is ironic because he "hates negativity") and physical pain it sucks. When your support is dealing with as much and more than you its a pair of fighters locked in a constant turning dogfight losing speed and altitude until you both crash into the ground.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what we can do. I know you can't talk about it because it's against the current "lock it up and stay away" theme that permeates our current life. And we can't make plans for the future because noone knows what is going to happen. I know its enough to drive a person insane(r because I question many of us and our initial level of insanity). I'm lucky that I at least have the wife here to help me as I know many do not and for you guys, I don't know how you do it.
The other night my wife and I were talking about this thread, mental health in general and my mental health specifically and she reminded me of something that I don't generally talk about, and frankly try not to think about, but that's important for those who are really struggling to know. When I first started to go to therapy it was really, really hard. It's just talking so you wouldn't think it would be that difficult but for the first couple of months I didn't want to go and I felt worse coming home from most sessions than I did going in. It gradually got better and today, if I do all the things, I'm a reasonably happy, healthy individual but getting here was hard work.
Sorry for the sort of random thought that doesn't really fit where this conversation is currently but my wife thought it could be important for some and since she's usually right I thought I'd interject it while I was on my mind.
In reply to APEowner :
you are right. Therapy is hard. A lot harder than I ever thought. It doesn't work for me online sadly. I did great in office where I could feel the situation. The online virtual just feels.... shallow? Hard to explain.
In reply to bobzilla :
Body language is a huge part of communication, both listening and in expression. Just as some people prefer talking on the phone versus texting. Realizing the fact that virtual visits don't fulfill the need is a strong start, of course current potential solutions are limited. I'll be back in touch this evening once I'm out from under the challenge car.
bobzilla said:
In reply to APEowner :
you are right. Therapy is hard. A lot harder than I ever thought. It doesn't work for me online sadly. I did great in office where I could feel the situation. The online virtual just feels.... shallow? Hard to explain.
I'm doing on line now and it's working for me but I'm really in a maintenance mode with a therapist that I've been seeing for 8 years so my situation is very different from yours. I also have (thanks to my side gig as an engineering consultant) a really nice teleconference setup with a quiet, isolated room, and a good monitor, camera and audio. I don't know what you're using but I wonder if a different environment and/or tools would help you. When I first started on line was uncomfortable about my wife being nearby and possibly overhearing parts of my session. Not that I was talking about her but it felt like she was in my safe space, for lack of a better description. It turns out that she was uncomfortable about that as well and was making sure that she wasn't able to hear anything.
I have no idea if this is a factor or not but I know that you're feeling a lot of resentment about the whole COVID isolation situation (no judgment, I get it) and it's possible that's making it extra hard for you to adapt.
Anyway, I'm sorry that you're struggling and that the COVID stuff has taken away (or at least reduced the effectiveness of) your therapy. I encourage you to keep working and trying different things.
Another tool that comes to mind is to set a challenge for yourself. Something out of the ordinary routine. Something reasonable but still a challenge that requires effort.
For me, next spring I want to be dropped off with a bike and a back pack, 60 miles from home. I know where, and it's not about surviving or being in a dangerous situation. Just something I've always wanted to accomplish. The exertion and sun exposure should help too.
In reply to APEowner :
I'm usually at work, in my car on a lunch break. At my previous employer we were doing teams meetings 3-4 times a day for different things. I hated those too. I don't even like facetime with my nephews.
Being dropped off 60 miles from home is probably exactly what I need RFN, for all the reasons.
Margie
ShawnG
UltimaDork
12/11/20 2:46 p.m.
In reply to barefootskater (Shaun) :
Exactly.
Setting goals is a good thing but make sure they're attainable.
Wanting to climb Mt Everest is great but maybe walking to the store and back is a more reasonable thing to shoot for at this moment.
Scotty Con Queso said:
Late to the "party." I don't think I've ever had depression, but this year in particular, thanks to covid and working from home, my anxiety has skyrocketed.
Same. Trusted work colleagues who I'm hearing being critical.. when they actually aren't. Sucks.
I was lucky that I had just enough extra time to sneak in a 15 minute run before I started my day today. With how the rest of the day went, it really helped. I find I can deal with a lot more when I get some exercise in first.
Sleep is another thing that helps me. I'm a different person when I get a reasonable amount of sleep.
I work from home 100% of the time now, and I'm doing a better job of not working through my lunch. Taking some time to talk with my wife, walk the dogs, take some garbage to the dump, etc. helps me to clear my head a bit.
Those are the things that are helping me.
In reply to mazdeuce - Seth :
My anti depressant is always look to the future. Make plans for something you want to do. Travel? Learn to fly, build a race car. Not some short term goal, rather something big. Think through the steps, mentally solve the obstacles. Can't think of a solution? Use a placeholder like winning a lottery you're never going to enter. To work around it and keep trying to solve each step.
In reply to frenchyd :
second your solution. planning the dream mtb build i doubt i'll ever be able to afford has kept me from going crazy... it's really fun actually
ShawnG
UltimaDork
12/24/20 9:16 p.m.
Have to say, today has knocked the hell out of me.
I've tried to enjoy Christmas Eve but I can't.
My mom died Christmas Eve morning 6 years ago and I just can't shake it. It's supposed to get easier but it doesn't.
I don't think you actually get over it, I think you just accept it as part of your life and try to move past it.
In reply to ShawnG :
I always subscribe to the theory that it doesn't get easier, we just get stronger. Sometimes it may not feel that way though. I hope tomorrow is a little easier for you.
Not a canoe, just bringin' this up to the top. Go to the Road and Track website, click on "Car Culture" and read " I Drove my Convertible in the Snow" by Michael David Cohen. It's not a just fluff piece on an S2000, but a journey on dealing with depression.
RustBeltSherpa said:
Not a canoe, just bringin' this up to the top. Go to the Road and Track website, click on "Car Culture" and read " I Drove my Convertible in the Snow" by Michael David Cohen. It's not a just fluff piece on an S2000, but a journey on dealing with depression.
berkeley that's dark. It also gives me pause about my recent months inability to sleep more than 4-5 hours. berkeley Covid.
" I Drove my Convertible in the Snow" by Michael David Cohen.
That was an important read, thank you for posting it. I have snow tires for my Firebird.....
In reply to RustBeltSherpa :
Wow, thank you so much for sharing that.
In reply to Mike (Forum Supporter) :
Thanks for providing the link, Mike!
RBS
Scotty Con Queso said:
Late to the "party." I don't think I've ever had depression, but this year in particular, thanks to covid and working from home, my anxiety has skyrocketed.
Circling back around after reading that article. Makes sense. I'm struggling big time with perfectionism.
great link. I shared it with the wife.
So one thing is I stopped doing therapy. Once it went virtual it stopped being helpful for me. I think that's one thing this pandemic has completely ignored and that's the effect its had on mental health. I don't connect virtually. There's a reason I've never participated in the online stuff here. I don't like it. It feels impersonal. I hate facetime with the inlaws and nephews etc. Put me in a room with that same person and it's a completely different thing. I just can't do it..... and I've suffered a lot because of it.
