Help turn my front lawn from an eye-sore into, uh, not one.

So, I'm not a guy that has a green thumb. So, I'm totally at a loss as to how to fix my front lawn. A few years ago we had a nasty drought here, coupled with high heat. It burned my lawn pretty good. Since, then, we can't get much grass to grow. I'm hoping you guys and girls can help. Here's the pertinent info:
About the middle of the lower peninsula of Michigan
Western exposure
Sandy soil
Zone 5
I like rom-coms and cuddling
I don't know if the last bit helps, but there you go.
We had an issue with grubs, we put down milky spores (SP?) twice in 4 or 5 years, I'm pretty sure that's not an issue anymore.
Last year I rented a de-thatcher and after using that, we over-seeded. Didn't do much at all.
Here's how it looks today
The worst of it looks like this. I'd say, 50% of the portion between the sidewalk and the street looks like this

Here's a shot of a portion that has grass growing (from the same portion of the lawn between the sidewalk and the street)

Here's a shot of the lawn on the other side of the side walk

I am at a loss here. I'm almost ready to get a sod-cutter and remove the whole lawn and re-seed. But that's a lot like work, and I'm afraid of there's a soil problem, I'll just be doomed to repeat that process.

Any ideas? Would buying a miata help?

You've got most of it not growing, so you just need to figure out how to prevent the rest of it from growing, and then you'll never have to worry about mowing it again

or

Haha. Those are the posts I expected. Let's see what else there is out there...

In reply to DrBoost:

Google the Michigan extension office. It will be run through a college and will give you all kinds of local information about growing a great lawn. Watering schedules, good grass species, and feeding/weeding tips are crucial. Most importantly they can hook you up with soil testing(bet you didn't know your taxes support this service) that is either free or very cheap. That will let you know exactly what you need to do to improve your soil and not waste money doing it. Also they will know the good nurseries or feed stores to shop.

I want to know what you did so I can repeat it in my yard. I hate yardwork.

Our lawn has looked horrible, too--bare spots plus a ton of weeds. In our defense, we have a really, really thick tree canopy. We did get our sprinklers working. That helped.

So, was the big problem bugs, fungus or something else? I don't know. I'm a magazine editor, not a lawn guy. Plus what if I put down something that didn't agree with my 100-year-old trees?

So after a dozen years, this year I hired a lawn service. It's like $40 every other month. I know, not very grassroots. I figured they're smarter than me. Tell you what, our lawn is way less weedy than before.

DrBoost wrote: Haha. Those are the posts I expected. Let's see what else there is out there...

At least you got them all out of the way at the beginning.

round up and 6"+ of mulch

Lots of non running domestic cars, especially malaise era cars, always make a brown lawn less noticeable.

Clover. Naturally resistant to bugs. Flowers attract bees but its not bad. It spreads and chokes out the other weeds.

One word -- Xeriscape!

NGTD wrote: Clover. Naturally resistant to bugs. Flowers attract bees but its not bad. It spreads and chokes out the other weeds.

We looked into some clover. I didn't see any that were good for our area and lack of sunlight. A big chunk of our lawn is covered with ferns and some other ground cover. I'm gradually letting them win.

Darn. I hoped this was gonna be about some cool derilect car that needed to be gone'd, that it was close and etc.

Maybe a Merkur Scorpio or Renault Fuego.

Instead, another thread from dude with a crappy lawn, like me.

I will still read & try to learn, please continue.

I usually throw down a bag of Scotts Bonus S weed and feed and don't let it go more the 4-5 days without water when the hottest part of the year gets here. That said, I don't have any trees. My last yard was shaded and getting grass to grow was a PITA. Good luck.

If you're gonna paint it might as well use the right stuff.

Fill the yard with broken German cars. Nobody will see the dead grass.

I support water conservation and biodiversity. Just look at my lawn.

Thanks for the tip on the michigan extension office. I did a quick google to see what you were talking about. I'll be looking into that for sure.
I like the xeriscape idea, but so far I only see people that are putting hours and hours into weeding and mulching. I don't want to do anything to my lawn. I hate yard work.
I've often thought about a ground cover besides grass, and clover was one I was thinking about. I'm having a hard time finding a good picture of what my lawn would look like though, it it were almost 100% clover.

I too struggle with my lawn, heavy shade, lots of trees, lots of excess water. I get fungus and weeds and lots of other stuff...but no grass.

I don;t have a solution for you, but I have been watching my neighbors with nice laws. In spring, I cut the grass. They start by running all kinds of rollers and spikey things over the laws, Then they have these things on wheels that spray stuff onto the ground. Then they water it with a sprinkler instead of waiting for free rain. One guy even had weird plugs cut out of the entire surface of the lawn.

I don't know what all that stuff was, but the bottom line was: lots of work = nice grass.

I've had very good luck paying tru-green to come in and spray fertilizer and weed spray a few times a summer.

http://labs.russell.wisc.edu/tdl/

I watched a local PBS show where the guy who runs this encouraged everyone that has a lawn problem to contact him. It seems geared toward golf course people but look for the homeowners bit. Here:

http://labs.russell.wisc.edu/tdl/services-residential/

I can't imagine you're soil is much different than what's found in Wisconsin at a similar latitude.

Get a soil test to be sure you can grow anything useful, thatch the lawn well, overseed with a full shade grass seed mix, and put down fertilizer and grub spray.Keep it watered and you should be able to have a decent looking lawn. Mine got much better when I finally bit the bullet and paid a lawn care company for 4 applications per season, 3 are weed and feed stuff and one is for the grubs. I had a problem with skunks ripping up the lawn and moles digging all over it. The grub spray fixed that, but you may not have a bug issue.A lawn pro can tell what you need.

DrBoost wrote: Thanks for the tip on the michigan extension office. I did a quick google to see what you were talking about. I'll be looking into that for sure. I like the xeriscape idea, but so far I only see people that are putting hours and hours into weeding and mulching. I don't want to do anything to my lawn. I hate yard work. I've often thought about a ground cover besides grass, and clover was one I was thinking about. I'm having a hard time finding a good picture of what my lawn would look like though, it it were almost 100% clover.

If you keep it short it looks good. Warning - you likely won't be popular with the neighbours. I'm not. But after 4 consecutive years of watching my lawn be attacked by Chinch bugs and weeds, plus the local ban on pesticides, my wife started seeding clover and I am happy with it.

Doesn't need much watering, fights off bugs and other weeds. Grass is just another weed after all. It is just a weed we have decided we like.