How to forget ones past?

In reply to mndsm:

It's a cliche, but the more time that passes, the less it will bother you.

I still think of the girl who was the major heartbreak of my life (21 years ago) probably once a day. I haven't had any contact with her in 10 years. I'm not on facebook, so contact has been avoided.

We have a mutual person (her cousin who is my cousin's friend) who updated me recently, but I realize there is literally no reason to have contact with her. Nothing good would come out of it. Tolerate your nostalgic feelings for a couple of weeks until it leaves your system and then move on with your regularly scheduled life.

I don't care about her current life and would rather remember her as the gorgeous, fun 22-year-old that I last knew her as. I don't want to have to pretend that I'm interested in what's going on now.

BTW--she married a multi-millionaire who eventually left her and their two kids on Christmas morning a couple of years ago. This would have delighted me 15-20 years ago, but now it's just sad.

MG Bryan wrote:

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: never stare at anything you don't want to hit.

I see a pun there... I hope it was intended.

never stare at anything you don't want to hit:
- tire wall, check
- pit bull, check
- bar fight, check
- ex-girl friend... double check

Sounds like you are doing pretty good without her. Try not to dwell on the past, and do concentrate on the present.

Funny that this is brought up. My wife and I had to run out and pick up a couple things in an area of town we dont usually go. We ended up seeing my ex from 13 years ago. I had seen her about 7 years ago, before I met my wife. Seeing her now made me think about how much better my life is now, with my wife.

Look where you want to go, not where you have been - and never stare at anything you don't want to hit. Works for driving, works for everything.

^^^

AMEN...thats awesome

Can't say you can ever forget her, but you can forgive her knowing you've moved onto a better life.

Forget you ever looked her up, and hug your wife and child.

I think there's one thing you haven't considered. You are very lucky that she did this before you got serious enough to ask her to marry you. Face it, you didn't loose a thing. This person that you loved didn't exist. The real person revealed herself to you when she bailed. I speak from experience. I was married to a woman for 23 years when she pulled that on me. Believe me, you are very fortunate.

just another good reason to shut off YOUR facebook page... an even better reason to never start one in the beginning

Block on FB.

This is probably bothering your wife, whether she says it or not. It's hard to forget things. Just power through it.

wbjones wrote: just another good reason to shut off YOUR facebook page... an even better reason to never start one in the beginning

QFT!

I friended an ex on FB--simply because I couldn't think of a better way to trivialize what had passed.

Maroon92 wrote: Lose yourself in a hobby. Maybe start building models or ships in bottles.

I have a Jeep XJ I need to rehab. I traded a 100$ Taurus for it. This will likely consume me for a while. As for the rest of ya, thanks. I try to forget things, but for whatever reason, crazy bitch keeps popping into my head. As stated before I KNEW Facebook was a terrible idea. I did it anyhow cause I'm a moron and don't know when not to push the red button.

As far as blocking her, I haven't- yet. Likely I never will. I'm strange like that. I won't speak another word to her though, so there is that. I can't shut down my facetube though, I have family all over the world that use it to keep up with my kid so I don't have to send smarmy emails every time he does something neat. I dinno. Honestly, just writing that down helped sort of sift things out a little. I do appreciate it though- and Grae- you make a very convincing statement. Thank you.

Then here's how to handle that red button, it's just like quitting smoking: get through that one time without doing it. Repeat as necessary. You find that it gets easier each time.

Something else: if you keep chasing after her, she knows she's won even though she E36 M3 on you.

I feel your pain, substitute three children for the ex and you have some idea of my depressing Christmases.

Hard to talk about, so I throw my heart into my wife, work and cars, this keeps me sober and sane.....most of the time

For those that suggest alcohol as the cure-all; don't do that. What a terrible idea.

MitchellC wrote: For those that suggest alcohol as the cure-all; don't do that. What a terrible idea.

+1. I had a family member die from that, and I would never encourage anyone to go down that road....

Whatever the best way to forget one's past is, you appear to be exercising the exact opposite. I am quite certain it is NOT spending 10 years exploring the pain, stalking her on FB, ignoring the woman who cares for you at your side, or sorrowing over and coveting something that does not belong to you while you seem to be missing the joy of your own children and blessings.

Get some help. Quickly. Like first thing in the morning. Man up and get the counseling you need before you hurt the people closest to you very deeply.

And don't listen to the idiotic alcohol suggestions. Completely stupid.

I'm with Gamby on this one. Time heals. That being said, I'm on Facebook, I like it..but I'm sure glad that it wasn't there until I was more than 45yrs old.

The anti-Facebook folks have a point. I started with just my family & my old SCCA F&C buddies. Then in the middle of the night comes that first "friend request" from that girl you were crushing on in high school, or the guy you used to do drugs with in college. It can get out of control really quick, if you let it.

I have to admit, my life has become much better by applying my racer's mentality to the non-racing stuff. Remember the first rule of Italian driving, and apply it!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjGXn249Fc0

Wishing you peace of mind with every fiber of my being, dude. I'm a long-term winter/holiday hater. For some reason I don't understand, it always tempts me to think of my bad luck & failures instead of my good luck & successes. I'll probably never discard my disgust for short days permanently (unless I win the lottery and can build m'self a house on the equator), but I'm a lot better now than I used to be.

Aside to MitchellC: Yup. Merle knew that years ago.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvY6RmmUGJ8

I quit drinkin' YEARS ago. No worries there. Gives me migraines. I can't function, support my family, and get my E36 M3 together on those.

Therapy isn't a bad thing, you may have to try a couple different ones to find one you can work well with. Keep in mind though, finding the one who tells you what you want to hear isn't necessarily the "right one". In the end it's up to you to move on. no one can say a magic word to make it better. It's ok to vent, emotions and memories are always awkward to handle. Block her off your FB. You know you've done better than her. My GF left me 2 years ago and I still think of her more than I should. I never venture into a place on the 'net where I may see pictures of her or things she has written. Our pasts build us, shape us, and teach us, but they do not dictate our future. Hug your family.

I'm sure the mentions of alcohol were in jest, or a symbol of meeting with friends for a few rounds and blowing off some steam.

You don't need to forget. You just need to know you're better off. You're happy with your wife and child, right? You're better off without your ex and you probably know that. I'm a big believer in that everything is a lesson and things turn out right. I've experienced way too much that could have berkeleyed up my life and it didn't.

I've berkeleyed up enough relationships to know I'm better off where I am. I've been with my wife for six years as well. No kids, just animals, and whenever I think of other women, I remember I'm better off where I am.

The best way I can think of on how to forget bad memories is to make better memories now.

We don't have any kids, but I have a 5 year old niece and a 6 month old nephew. This time of year is big for kids. As you child gets older and into the whole Santa thing have some fun with it. Seeing a little kid's eyes get big when they open the gift you gave them is a really cool feeling, and I'm only an uncle.

Take it from me, you don't forget your past. You only accept it and move on.