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Appleseed
Appleseed UltimaDork
12/1/13 5:18 p.m.

I work a Sam's Club (ungh.) We have a gas station that sells cheap gas. Which in turn, transforms normal people into shiny happy people.

I road the murdercycle to work today. I froze my ass off, but it was fun. I decided to fill up the tank as this might be the last rider before Winter storage. I pull up to the outside pumps on the left hand side. The station is designed for one way in/out. There are signs, arrows, etc... telling everyone this. Some times people with gas doors on the other side get impatient and go the wrong way to get to an open pump.

This is exactly what happened to me.

A lady come around the outside of me, the wrong way, and goes to the pump behind me. A van does the same thing, except I'm at the pump he wants. I don't think he saw me as my bike is a small one.

He cuts the corner sharp and then notices me there. He continues to drive toward me, and parks the van less than a foot away. I stare at him the whole time in disbelief. I begin to gather up my things, which wasn't quick enough for van dude. He gets out, swinging the door inches from me and has the guts to ask, "What is this a parking lot?"

I explain to him, not so politely, how this gas station works, that he's going the wrong way, and that its designed to keep people like him from hitting people like me.

"That's BIG talk," say the van dude.

I reply with, "Up yours," and ride away.

There is a lot more I wanted to say, but this is were I work, and I've been written up for chewing out someone for parking poorly and blocking a handicap zone. I know one of you would have taken the high road and ignored van dude, but my reaction was very tame and self censored for me.

Maybe I'm just looking for some zingers that I could have said to him.

Wally
Wally MegaDork
12/1/13 5:22 p.m.

I usually prefer an enthusiastic "Go berkeley Yourself" but "Up Yours" is good too. The holidays always bring out the best in people don't they.

Jaxmadine
Jaxmadine HalfDork
12/1/13 5:34 p.m.

I would have informed him the pump was broken and that you were going to tell the attendant. Then when he drove off turn around and drive off.

After of course I pointed out how rude he was or gavr a smartass answer.

gamby
gamby UltimaDork
12/1/13 5:40 p.m.
Wally wrote: I usually prefer an enthusiastic "Go berkeley Yourself" but "Up Yours" is good too. The holidays always bring out the best in people don't they.

"Go berkeley yourself" would likely be my knee jerk response.

Many years in retail taught me that as insufferable as the general public is year-round, it ramps up around the holidays.

Lancer007
Lancer007 Reader
12/1/13 6:20 p.m.

My usual not at work response is "get berkeleyed dipE36 M3." So I think you handled it about as well as could be expected for as much of an shiny happy person as that guy was being.

mad_machine
mad_machine MegaDork
12/1/13 6:23 p.m.

I hate people this time of the year....

nicksta43
nicksta43 SuperDork
12/1/13 6:27 p.m.

Violent rage

iceracer
iceracer UberDork
12/1/13 6:36 p.m.

the other day I was at the first pump. all of the others were empty. as I am getting in to my car, another pulls in behind me. As I am fastening my seat belt, the driver blows his/hers horn. Automatically, I first look back and then motion for him/her to go around since there are lots of empty pumps. Nope. So I take my sweet time, resetting the trip computer etc. I was surprised there wasn't another horn.

David S. Wallens
David S. Wallens Editorial Director
12/1/13 6:38 p.m.

Kill them with kindness. A "have a nice day" or "happy holidays" would have left him dumbfounded.

nicksta43
nicksta43 SuperDork
12/1/13 6:39 p.m.

In reply to iceracer:

I would have got out and walked off.

Giant Purple Snorklewacker
Giant Purple Snorklewacker MegaDork
12/1/13 6:40 p.m.

In my Walter Mitty mind-world I'd have hosed him down with gas... and tossed a lit match in his van as I nonchalantly rode off with a hot guitar solo in perfect time with my blistering tire smoke.

In reality... the difference between "Well, if it wasn't a parking lot before... it is now. Move along twat." or "berkeley you while riding safely off" would rely entirely on which I thought I could get away with after sizing him up.

Basil Exposition
Basil Exposition HalfDork
12/1/13 6:41 p.m.
iceracer wrote: the other day I was at the first pump. all of the others were empty. as I am getting in to my car, another pulls in behind me. As I am fastening my seat belt, the driver blows his/hers horn. Automatically, I first look back and then motion for him/her to go around since there are lots of empty pumps. Nope. So I take my sweet time, resetting the trip computer etc. I was surprised there wasn't another horn.

Darn, forgot to check the oil, windshield washer fluid, transmission oil, air filter, muffler bearings, tire pressure...

patgizz
patgizz UberDork
12/1/13 6:42 p.m.

i probably would have done something that would have had me fired if management found out who bent the guys door backwards. i have too much of a temper to deal with people like that so i usually keep my cool and just leave, giving them the 1 finger salute on my way out, so i don't get in real trouble.

Appleseed
Appleseed UltimaDork
12/1/13 6:56 p.m.

Should have wished him a Happy Hanukkah. Seemed like the anti-semite type.

SnowMongoose
SnowMongoose HalfDork
12/1/13 7:13 p.m.

I work/buy gas at Costco, and make a point of checking that my name badge is in a pocket or otherwise not visible when fueling, for just this sort of possibility.

fasted58
fasted58 PowerDork
12/1/13 7:36 p.m.

This van guy has probably been getting away with this type of behavior for a long, long time. You all know the type that walks into a store and cuts the line, maybe they think they're special or something.

I've let a lot of stuff go over the years. Dunno, maybe this one too if I worked there.

Bottom line: somebody has this guys number and he'll be in for a rude awakening some day.

Lesley
Lesley PowerDork
12/1/13 7:43 p.m.
David S. Wallens wrote: Kill them with kindness. A "have a nice day" or "happy holidays" would have left him dumbfounded.

This, and usually with a really big smile. With any luck, they're embarrassed enough to think about it.

joey48442
joey48442 UberDork
12/1/13 7:44 p.m.
nicksta43 wrote: Violent rage

I misread that as "violent rape". Seemed a little harsh to me....

Joey

Kenny_McCormic
Kenny_McCormic UltraDork
12/1/13 7:47 p.m.

You dont have a chainsaw scabbard on your bike?

Appleseed
Appleseed UltimaDork
12/1/13 8:01 p.m.

No, but had I had my gear on , I might have been mouthier. Go ahead and swing at my head, Arai with berk you up.

EastCoastMojo
EastCoastMojo Mod Squad
12/1/13 8:20 p.m.
Appleseed wrote: No, but had I had my gear on , I might have been mouthier. Go ahead and swing at my head, Arai with berk you up.

That's why you weat all the gear, all the time. You just never know when a hockey match might break out. .

As for a reply, I probably would have pointed the gas nozzle at him and said, "Do you feel lucky punk?", while grinning like a maniac.

JoeyM
JoeyM Mod Squad
12/1/13 8:30 p.m.
EastCoastMojo wrote:
Appleseed wrote: No, but had I had my gear on , I might have been mouthier. Go ahead and swing at my head, Arai with berk you up.
That's why you weat all the gear, all the time. You just never know when a hockey match might break out. . As for a reply, I probably would have pointed the gas nozzle at him and said, "Do you feel lucky punk?", while grinning like a maniac.

while it sounds fun, no. never even hint at an armed response. You never know if the person is unhinged enough to pull a gun, saying that they felt threatened. then you have to pull yours, and the whole situation went from "wow, what a jerk" to "I hope nobody gets shot"

Racer1ab
Racer1ab Dork
12/1/13 8:42 p.m.

While wearing gear, giving someone the Stig treatment is usually enough to get them to leave.

If you're not behind a helmet, angrily staring someone down without resorting to trash talk works well too.

Bumboclot
Bumboclot Reader
12/1/13 8:51 p.m.

I would have pulled out my phone and at least pretended (because my phones camera doesn't work) to take his picture. Then I would have told him to go berkeley himself after spending a good while rummaging through my saddle/tail bags while looking for nothing in particular.

I know I sure wouldn't want to tangle with a dude who's wearing a helmet and presumably some sort of armored jacket, much less one who rides in December in Illinois.

EastCoastMojo
EastCoastMojo Mod Squad
12/1/13 8:58 p.m.

Once he gets out of his van, he's threatening me. Plus, don't bring a gun to a gas fight.

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