I don't want this to come out wrong, but it likely will (rant)

My wife's grandmother passed away this morning. I only spent time with her on a handful of occasions. She was always pleasant and would make me pick her a tune on the banjo, she'd always smile and clap along. She had two children, my father in law and his sister. She had six grandchildren and one great grandchild.

Several years ago she had some health issues and started to develop dementia. At that time my FIL and his sister moved her into a care facility and began to get her particulars in order.

This is where I'm going to come off as a bad guy. But it's something I cannot wrap my mind around. I've been thinking about it since I heard the news of her passing this morning.

At that time, My FIL came back from getting his Mom settled in and told us about her estate. He was angry with her and honestly I can see why. It seems she had in the neighborhood of around half a million dollars sitting in an account. It was her intention, in the event of her death, to give this money to the state.

Now it's her money and she has every right to do whatever she want's with it. However, to give it to the state? It completely baffles me. Apparently her reasoning was she didn't want anyone to fight over it...uh, okay. Their family is close, they have never had any bad blood that I'm aware of. These are the most level headed people I know. The two siblings are both more than financially secure and all of the grandchildren are well on the way to having a great life. One is in New Zealand studying, two just got married this year and two are recent college grads. Certainly it would have been a huge blessing for the grand-kids who are really just starting out. Paying off school debt, down payment on a house or whatever. What is the point of accumulating a bunch of money with no intentions of passing it down to the next generation? (providing they're not knuckle heads and on drugs or other nonsense, which none of these people are)

Or if she was really concerned about this money causing problems in the family, what about a charity? Can you imagine the good that could come from half a million dollars to a local food bank or any other charity of her choosing? But to let the state take it??? WTF. I seriously don't understand it.

I'm not concerned about my wife getting any of the money. That is not my issue with this. It just seems to me that an entire lifetime of saving and being frugal to set aside money was just a huge waste of time if your just going to let the state take it. Congratulations Virginia...I guess you can buy a couple more highway patrol cars now

I agree with you. That is odd.

I wouldn't leave 50 cents to the government.

Old people are weird. My grandmother in her last days averaged something like 1000$ in frivolous expenses because she didn't want anyone to have her money. Funny thing is her estate settled is still worth bank. And I want nothing to do with it. I don't think you're a dick at all for thinking this way- logic dictates you take care of those who have taken care of you. She apparently didn't think that way and wanted 5-0 to get some hellcats or something. Call it a blessing in disguise, money makes people stupid.

I tend to agree, it's not like the state hasn't found 1000 ways to get your hard earned cash anyhow.

Imagine what $500K would do for Christmas for struggling families, or local Scouts, or the Zoo...and so on

That's sad. The States get enough money from us as it is. They don't need free estate money to waste on stupid crap. Give to family or charity.

I've watched and experienced similar. Much pain inflicted in the name of preventing pain.

Nicest one I know of was one aunt who years before her death was divvying up her property using stickers on the bottom of everything. As well a written list that she kept. She discussed it with us all, making sure we all understood who was to get what, and seeking input from all of us on our own desires that she didn't realise. Made for a delightful family day after her death. Certainly there were mistakes, multiple stickers and such. But since we all knew each other and her desires, it was all easily settled without any angst or tears. May I do the same or similar.

Best part, that old family picture, complete with names on it for the faces! Yay! Next best part? Finding another copy of that same picture, with different names on it!

mndsm wrote: Old people are weird.

Amen to that!

I have no problem paying taxes, but I'd never ever do that...I pay my taxes, after all.

If she doesn't want anyone fighting over it, she could have divided it equally among everyone mentioned in the will...but yeah giving it to a charity would have been way better too.

IMO, what's done is done, and can't be undone. Accept it, (that doesn't mean that you have to like it or agre with it), and move on. I'm sure the family members have more important things to spend their time and energy on than what was essentially a loosing lottery ticket.

Yes, old people do weird and crazy stuff for reasons that only makes sense to them.

That is very strange. She was obviously much more patriotic than I ever will be.

I'm like big perm when it comes to money.

The_Jed wrote: That is very strange. She was obviously much more patriotic than I ever will be. I'm like big perm when it comes to money.

Greasy, dripping, and covered in a shower cap?

mndsm wrote:

The_Jed wrote: That is very strange. She was obviously much more patriotic than I ever will be. I'm like big perm when it comes to money.

Greasy, dripping, and covered in a shower cap?

Good grief man, how am I supposed to get that visual out of my head now? Do you know what you've done to me!?

Something just occurred to me. State vs estate. Any chance of confusion between the two.

did she actually write a will that left the money to the state ? if not, then she's died intestate .. and there are rules (each state is different) on how this is handled

a good site to explain much of this is:

http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/how-estate-settled-if-theres-32442.html

In reply to foxtrapper:

No my father in law was pissed about it. He said him and his sister were trying to talk her into changing the will but that was several years ago. I haven't heard if they were successful but I really doubt it.

mndsm wrote:

The_Jed wrote: That is very strange. She was obviously much more patriotic than I ever will be. I'm like big perm when it comes to money.

Greasy, dripping, and covered in a shower cap?

Just Big Perm. Not A big perm. But yeah, that's a funny visual.

Edit: Lol. Big Worm.

Looks like a big worm with a big perm.

Echo that old people can get weird. When FIL died a few years ago he had been thinking and planning for his own end for quite a while and had succeeded in making an awesome Gordion knot of his affairs. It took two executors (in two different states of course) and both of his children better than 9 months to sort out "divide it in half".

But to just give it to the state: stupid.

The_Jed wrote:

mndsm wrote:

The_Jed wrote: That is very strange. She was obviously much more patriotic than I ever will be. I'm like big perm when it comes to money.

Greasy, dripping, and covered in a shower cap?

Just Big Perm. Not A big perm. But yeah, that's a funny visual. Edit: Lol. Big Worm. Looks like a big worm with a big perm.

One part of my wife's family squabbled for 10 years over a $60k estate. By the time they stopped arguing the house was worthless, the cars were almost worthless, and taxes had eaten up any cash. Last I heard it settled for around $10k which was then split five ways.

Maybe your FIL can at least get her to put the money towards a specific cause. Letting it go to forfeiture is the same as setting it on fire.

(edit)

Sorry, I just saw that she's already passed on, so the money has already been set on fire. Shame.

This scenario even makes me mad. To the state? The money they waste is criminal.

Any chance the early dementia had an effect on her estate decision? Probably not that it matters now anyway if it's all legal, said and done.

My Mom suffered dementia after extended hospital and personal care home stays, scared the livin' crap out of us but thankfully she returned to normal after returning home. I've seen how dementia could alter even the most basic every day decisions, pretty berkeleying scary. Docs said dementia is not uncommon in situations like that but there was no guarantee of ever recovering to 'normal'.

The more I deal w/ elder folks (many I've known my entire life) the more I scratch my head over their questionable decisions, I'm still not fully understanding it all yet.

Contact the lawyer that wrote the will.

All will become clear.

In reply to iceracer:

I'm not that worried about it. Honestly I don't believe she even knew how much money she had. My FIL said when he got to the hospital the first thing she did was apologize to him because she spent $300 on something recently. From what I understand, that's how she had her will wrote out long before she got sick.

It's the logic behind it that has me befuddled. I could understand a massive frivolous shopping spree like mndsm's grandma. Or any charity or even the church she attended. But to let the state take it is beyond my ability to understand.

Nick_Comstock wrote: It was her intention, in the event of her death, to give this money to the state.

Is there a tactful way for you to get actual conformation that the money is going to the state.

To the OP: I suggest you get to the courthouse and legally change your name to "The State" ASAP. Then you present yourself, the husband of the decedent's favorite grandchild, and politely request your rightful inheritance.