In reply to Totally_not_a_current_GRMer :
I'm in with Beer Baron's 1st post(4/26 @ 4:31pm) and ddavidv. Marriage ended in '98(45M at the time). She's remarried 3 times since - #4 husband since 11/21. Like you, focused on the kids AND my financial situation. A few things that enhanced my "re- singled" life.
1) Therapy may be OK, but joining a divorce support group really helped. I joined both a faith-based and a secular support group. You'd be surprised how similar their recommendations are.You really get the sense that you're not alone and you're not "damaged goods".
2) Don't date/hook-up with co- workers, people at gym, or anyone that lives within a mile of you. If the relationship sours, it's awkward "running into them". Made this mistake twice.
3) The first person you date is "not the one". Be prepared to kiss some frogs. In fact. I en- courage dating many people. My reasoning: get used to dating etiquette and under-standing different behaviors of women. I dated 18 women over 13 years before meeting "the one" that became Ms RbS 2.0. Nine of those were "once and done"; the other nine ranged from 6 weeks to 20 months.
4) You didn't say if your ex got half your retirement up front or when you retire. If you haven't already done so, get a financial advisor to provide guidance for your financial future.
So here's the thing. When my now-wife and I started dating she had some self esteem issues and tried to break up with me out of the belief that she wasn't good enough for me. I had a very direct conversation with her about that being my call and that I thought she was amazing and that I wanted to make it work. Now married for almost 10years with two kids. (And her self esteem is much better)
If it really is the body count thing, hopefully you can have that direct conversation with her.
On the other hand, it could be masking something else. For instance, she might have realized that you take relationships seriously and it might not be what she's wanting. Hard to say.
In reply to Totally_not_a_current_GRMer :
What do you want? What would make you happier and more satisfied in life?
Really broad terms here. Not specifically, "I want [this woman] to..." More generally like, "I want a romantic partner that [I can have this sort of relationship with]."
If you figure out what that is, you'll have a much better time of finding it. You'll also be better able to communicate with potential partners (perhaps this woman, or others) to find someone compatible.
STM317
PowerDork
4/30/24 8:20 a.m.
In my experience, some people get scared when a new relationship is going well. They might worry that it's not the right time for these feelings, or that one partner is feeling more strongly than the other.
But it could also be that she just wasn't into your relationship all that much.
If you want to know for sure, you can politely ask for some constructive feedback, but it's imperative that you are ready for any answer, including no answer at all. Otherwise, you just chalk it up to a nice rebound and learning experience for you and you move forward with rebuilding your life.
2 months? She gone. Move on.
