In-Laws, can't live with 'em....

My FIL is, well, annoying. In some ways he's the typical father-in-law, a bit of a know-it-all. That's fine though, even though he can never be wrong, I enjoy talking with him on different topics, though small bites is best. He LOVES to give my kids candy and ice cream right before we head to the van for the hour long drive home. He knows just what he's doing too. Thanks prick.
Fine, I can deal with that since we don't see them often enough that it makes my kids fat or otherwise unhealthy.
But, when we are over there he's just a lot to deal with. Loud, annoying, likes to push people buttons just to see the reaction. I guess that's the bottom line. He seems to really enjoy annoying others, then sitting back and watching the fallout. But common man, stop throwing food! It starts with him throwing candy at the kids from across the room. It's wrapped....at first. Then it's unwrapped candy. My kids throw it back, then I scold them because in our house, we don't throw food. They just got caught up in the moment. At the dinner table it could be a crouton or a carrot stick. Dude, grow up.
Tonight they popped in to our place. We had dinner. He's throwing salad at my boy. I didn't know he was doing it and looked up just in time to see my 10-year old throwing a cucumber slice at grandpa. I scolded my boy and reminded everyone in attendance that we don't throw food in this house, and that my children don't throw food in anyone's house.
It pissed me off. What kind of immature $&# goes to someone else's house and throws food at their kids? I made it very clear to him that we don't throw food in my house. After they left I told my wife that if it happens again at my house he will be asked to leave.

I hope he does it again, because I will kick him out of my house in a heartbeat.

I now this post seems whiney. If I tried to explain all the ways he enjoys annoying others, you'd be reading for an hour.

Go for a 1 on 1 walk with him. Tell him the issues. If he gets pissed off, kick his a$$ and toss him in a ditch. Or better yet, if you are afraid, have your wife talk to him.

Mine live 22 hours away.

It's probably a good thing.

Throwing cucumbers at grampa is a holiday tradition in my house.

There is a fine line between someone who is annoying, and someone who is annoyed by someone.

It's almost always a combination of the two.

My point is, first, lighten up. You are allowing yourself to be annoyed. Which he may be enjoying.

THEN take a walk and talk with him.

THEN throw him in the ditch.

FWIW, at my house I am the one who might start the food fight. I am also the one who makes it clear how completely unacceptable it is, who takes the bigger beating, and who does all the clean up. Everyone has fun.

Our household is very disciplined and well behaved.

But...

...It's amazing what can be communicated every once in a while with a well placed cucumber to the forehead.

I love my inlaws and I enjoy their company. Maybe I am just lucky.

My in-laws spent christmas in Hawaii..

Best present I ever got!

bearmtnmartin wrote: I love my inlaws and I enjoy their company. Maybe I am just lucky.

Me too.

The_Jed wrote:

bearmtnmartin wrote: I love my inlaws and I enjoy their company. Maybe I am just lucky.

Me too.

Yeah, but your wife is a roller derby queen. It's OK for her folks to throw cucumbers.

Certianly you are viewing his action through a filter of him already annoying you.

Does he actually care about the health and well being of your children? Seriously. God forbid something happen and they had to live with him for a while, could you trust him?

Ask that question in a vacum free of your feelings.

If the answer is an honest no, then why haven't you spoken with him before?

If the answer is a yes, then consider lighting up. Granparents get a pass. It is their job to spoil. I am not a granparent or a parent, but I am the coolest Uncle ever. I get a way with a lot becuase I can be trusted to re-enforce their parents values and keep them safe an healthy. But when "Crazy Uncle Chris" comes over or they come visit, we're gonna be loud, play with nerf guns and their will be tossing of the kids onto the couch. They know it's special behavior and not to be repeated.

FIL likes starting E36 M3 and watching? Yeah, and you're letting him. But the relationship between your kids and their grandfather might be a lot more vanillia than you think. He might be playing with them simply becuase it's fun, not to annoy you. He probably has other ways of annoying you that don't involve them.

My $.02, YMMV

Mental wrote: Certianly you are viewing his action through a filter of him already annoying you. Does he actually care about the health and well being of your children? Seriously. God forbid something happen and they had to live with him for a while, could you trust him? Ask that question in a vacum free of your feelings. If the answer is an honest no, then why haven't you spoken with him before? If the answer is a yes, then consider lighting up. Granparents get a pass. It is their job to spoil. I am not a granparent or a parent, but I am the coolest Uncle ever. I get a way with a lot becuase I can be trusted to re-enforce their parents values and keep them safe an healthy. But when "Crazy Uncle Chris" comes over or they come visit, we're gonna be loud, play with nerf guns and their will be tossing of the kids onto the couch. They know it's special behavior and not to be repeated. FIL likes starting E36 M3 and watching? Yeah, and you're letting him. But the relationship between your kids and their grandfather might be a lot more vanillia than you think. He might be playing with them simply becuase it's fun, not to annoy you. He probably has other ways of annoying you that don't involve them. My $.02, YMMV

To be honest, I don't trust him with my kids lives. He took the kids on a walk at his place a few years ago. I walked outside to find my 3-year old wandering down the street, grandpa was nowhere in sight. When confronted, he said something to the effect of "we live on a dead-end street. He couldn't have gone far". No, not too far I guess. Just on to the busy, 40 mph street that the street connects to, or into the river that runs along the street, or into the car of the latest kidnapper. He didn't seem to understand that you don't just walk away from a 3-year old. Yes that's what happened. My boy was looking at the fish in said river, my FIL wanted to show the kids something else. Two followed, Luke didn't. He just left Luke there.
And I get the playing thing. I deal with the loud, the obnoxious, all that because he's grandpa. But, seriously, would anyone here go to someone else's house and start throwing food? I'm talking from one room to the other, not just across the table? If you said yes, would you do it if you knew the man of that house has a rule of no food throwing?

All that being said, I know that he can't annoy me unless I allow him to. I can deal with his annoyances, even his constant button pushing but intentionally pulling my kids into behavior that I don't allow? I know my kids will test me and my rules. I welcome that. It's part of growing up. But I don't kneed an authority figure coming into my house and teaching my kids that my rules aren't to be followed. I also have a rule that they look both ways before crossing the street, how about he just throw that rule out the window too?

As far as me needing to lighten up? I think that's always a true statement. I recognize that.

In reply to DrBoost:

They didn't start throwing the shrimp, did they? Margie will take care of that.

He sounds like he is getting that oldtymers d zzzz's or he is just a Big Jerk, either way I do not like him, and don't even know him....bast@#%d. tell him I said to go to h e double hockey sticks!

My father inlaw was a preacher for 50 years and when his wife got cancer he just had "one" of his girlfriends come over and take care of her until she died Can you say Hip o crit????

I consider myself quite lucky. Married 23 years, no inlaws for 20 of those.

I wonder how long it'll be until your wife starts throwing food and stuff at people?

I have been successful in getting Satan, I, I mean my mother-in-law, completely banished from my life. A horrible harpie of a woman who did nothing good for her daughter her whole life, she was nothing but trouble. Took a few years, but my wife has finally moved on and is much happier for it.

I hope it doesn't have to come to that with gramps, but put your foot down firmly now or it might.

My wife's mother passed away when my wife was a teenager, which is really sad. My FIL is still alive and kicking. Great guy, I really like him. Sure, there are things that annoy me about him, but I'm sure there are tons of things about me that annoy him. But he's a snowbird, so he's in Florida all winter. He then spends most of his summer at the Jersey shore, which is 3.5 hours from us. So we don't see him all that often.

DrBoost wrote:

Mental wrote: Certianly you are viewing his action through a filter of him already annoying you. Does he actually care about the health and well being of your children? Seriously. God forbid something happen and they had to live with him for a while, could you trust him? Ask that question in a vacum free of your feelings. If the answer is an honest no, then why haven't you spoken with him before? If the answer is a yes, then consider lighting up. Granparents get a pass. It is their job to spoil. I am not a granparent or a parent, but I am the coolest Uncle ever. I get a way with a lot becuase I can be trusted to re-enforce their parents values and keep them safe an healthy. But when "Crazy Uncle Chris" comes over or they come visit, we're gonna be loud, play with nerf guns and their will be tossing of the kids onto the couch. They know it's special behavior and not to be repeated. FIL likes starting E36 M3 and watching? Yeah, and you're letting him. But the relationship between your kids and their grandfather might be a lot more vanillia than you think. He might be playing with them simply becuase it's fun, not to annoy you. He probably has other ways of annoying you that don't involve them. My $.02, YMMV

To be honest, I don't trust him with my kids lives. He took the kids on a walk at his place a few years ago. I walked outside to find my 3-year old wandering down the street, grandpa was nowhere in sight. When confronted, he said something to the effect of "we live on a dead-end street. He couldn't have gone far". No, not too far I guess. Just on to the busy, 40 mph street that the street connects to, or into the river that runs along the street, or into the car of the latest kidnapper. He didn't seem to understand that you don't just walk away from a 3-year old. Yes that's what happened. My boy was looking at the fish in said river, my FIL wanted to show the kids something else. Two followed, Luke didn't. He just left Luke there. And I get the playing thing. I deal with the loud, the obnoxious, all that because he's grandpa. But, seriously, would anyone here go to someone else's house and start throwing food? I'm talking from one room to the other, not just across the table? If you said yes, would you do it if you knew the man of that house has a rule of no food throwing? All that being said, I know that he can't annoy me unless I allow him to. I can deal with his annoyances, even his constant button pushing but intentionally pulling my kids into behavior that I don't allow? I know my kids will test me and my rules. I welcome that. It's part of growing up. But I don't kneed an authority figure coming into my house and teaching my kids that my rules aren't to be followed. I also have a rule that they look both ways before crossing the street, how about he just throw that rule out the window too? As far as me needing to lighten up? I think that's always a true statement. I recognize that.

You just answered a yes or no question with a diatribe.

You have the right to decide he is not a safe guardian for your children. But you are expressing your issues with way too much detail and emotion, and it reinforces for me the "lighten up" issue.

You'll be happier if you cut him some slack first, then deal with the issues directly and succinctly as a responsible adult.

There's an underlying issue that is causing your primary annoyance, and it's not him.

My FIL is a truly annoying person, and I wouldn't leave my kids alone with him under any circumstances whatsoever. But I truly enjoyed spending a few days with him at Christmas, and it was a wonderful time for my kids.

Your success in this (for yourself and your family) will begin with your attitude, not his.

My FIL is a perv. It's hard to have a nice family get together when he's flirting with his granddaughters...

I kinda lucked out on the in-law lottery, mine are ok. If anything I have to give them credit for putting up with me ;) I definitely confuse them, they aren't car people and I am driving something almost every time I see them. At first you could tell they found it odd now it just rolls off them. If anything they've learned to love my ability to fix/fabricate things for them and if I say "sorry I can't make that because it would require xxxx tool that I dont have, they usually will buy the tool for me"

My own folks on the other hand. Dad is good, mom is a loon. I've lived with her eccentricities all my life so Im used to them but I can see how she drives my wife nuts. But she sees them maybe 2 times a year so she's just learned to accept her for what she is.

Only 22, not married, no kids, etc.

I'd say you do need to lighten up a little. Seriously, let it go--the only harm coming from the food throwing is more clean up. You're clearly laying down the law that this is not acceptable behavior and not to be done except when he does it. Let everyone have some fun, and swallow your pride/annoyance/whatever for the duration of the visit. Go out to the garage and wrench for awhile, or have another beer and shut up.

I lucked out with my FIL, he's a man after my own heart. He once started and let go a 61 Econoline truck he had bought for parts, and scavenged the steering rack out of- just to see what would happen. This is a man I can dig. MIL is just as cool, and smart enough to hide keys when people have been drinkin'- because SOMETHING is going up the hill.

Where is your wife on this?

Your FIL sounds like a total dick. Thanks for making me feel better about being single.

Maybe I'm an uptight no-fun spoilsport but throwing food is something that even kids in my family don't get away with.

petegossett wrote: My FIL is a perv. It's hard to have a nice family get together when he's flirting with his granddaughters...