Insane Co-Worker Stories

wbjones wrote:

mndsm wrote: She didn't believe in dinosaurs.

I once met an Anglican priest that believed the world was only a few thousand yrs old … thought that the dinosaur bones were put there by God to cause us confusion … a la the tower of Babel

There's a fish for that.

ooooookayyyy

mndsm wrote: the office used to gather outside our cubes (we were housed next to each other) at about 10 to to get a good seat. My boss let them happen. He thought they were berkeleying hilarious.

Why did you stop there, I would like to read the recollection of these.

There's a seat in our copy room that's covered in boogers.

In reply to wbjones:

"Babelfish" from Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy.

It was a fish you put in your ear so that you could instantly speak and understand ALL languages in the universe.

Swank Force One wrote: There's a seat in our copy room that's covered in boogers.

There is a seat in my wifes car that is probably covered in boogers.

We don't have children.

I mentioned William before. Poor William.

William's wife was a morbidly obese Craigslist hooker who decided she was going to move in. Half his kids looked nothing like him. William weighed 110 pounds at most, his wife was a good 300. He was the warehouse foreman. One day William brought his lunch to work and was excited that he had a ham sandwich for once (usually he had whatever his wife didn't eat the day before). He was all excited because he'd made this sandwich the day before and it was epic. Lunch time rolls around and William retrieves his sandwich, only to find the ham was missing! Poor William began to sob a little, then got angry accusing everyone of stealing the ham from his sandwich. William decides to call home and vent his anger to his wife, who then informs him that she got hungry last night (after already eating all other food), so SHE stole the ham from his sandwich! Poor William let out a string of curse words, slammed down the phone, and silently disappeared into the warehouse.

I don't really have any exact co-worker stories per say. After working just shy of a decade in the engineering world, I have met my fair share of characters.

The worst were the summers I spent helping a local land surveyor. Guy was a bit crazy, but he liked me because I actually came to work and was willing to learn. He had the biggest rat pack of guys working for him in the field. There were 4 guys there that missed at least one day of work, every. single. week. Usually for the most off the wall reasons.

slefain wrote: I mentioned William before. Poor William. William's wife was a morbidly obese Craigslist hooker who decided she was going to move in. Half his kids looked nothing like him. William weighed 110 pounds at most, his wife was a good 300. He was the warehouse foreman. One day William brought his lunch to work and was excited that he had a ham sandwich for once (usually he had whatever his wife didn't eat the day before). He was all excited because he'd made this sandwich the day before and it was epic. Lunch time rolls around and William retrieves his sandwich, only to find the ham was missing! Poor William began to sob a little, then got angry accusing everyone of stealing the ham from his sandwich. William decides to call home and vent his anger to his wife, who then informs him that she got hungry last night (after already eating all other food), so SHE stole the ham from his sandwich! Poor William let out a string of curse words, slammed down the phone, and silently disappeared into the warehouse.

This is a really sad story.

ScreaminE wrote: I don't really have any exact co-worker stories per say. After working just shy of a decade in the engineering world, I have met my fair share of characters. The worst were the summers I spent helping a local land surveyor. Guy was a bit crazy, but he liked me because I actually came to work and was willing to learn. He had the biggest rat pack of guys working for him in the field. There were 4 guys there that missed at least one day of work, every. single. week. Usually for the most off the wall reasons.

Strange group those surveyors. I've tried getting in with a few on the hopes they'd have a similar situation. So far, no luck.

I had a former coworker who liked to frequent massage parlors for the happy endings and wanted to be my best friend. Guy was 20 years my senior. Rode a modified Harley, did wheelies on it. Constantly complained about the low pay of the job we both worked delivery truck parts.

One day his dad died (years after I had left the company), he got a boat load of money, told his manager he was quitting, went to the operational managers office and told the guy to eff himself, then up and left.

Returned a few months later to show off his new Corvette.

Funny guy.

Swank Force One wrote:

slefain wrote: I mentioned William before. Poor William. William's wife was a morbidly obese Craigslist hooker who decided she was going to move in. Half his kids looked nothing like him. William weighed 110 pounds at most, his wife was a good 300. He was the warehouse foreman. One day William brought his lunch to work and was excited that he had a ham sandwich for once (usually he had whatever his wife didn't eat the day before). He was all excited because he'd made this sandwich the day before and it was epic. Lunch time rolls around and William retrieves his sandwich, only to find the ham was missing! Poor William began to sob a little, then got angry accusing everyone of stealing the ham from his sandwich. William decides to call home and vent his anger to his wife, who then informs him that she got hungry last night (after already eating all other food), so SHE stole the ham from his sandwich! Poor William let out a string of curse words, slammed down the phone, and silently disappeared into the warehouse.

This is a really sad story.

We once took up a collection for William (a little over $1k in cash). We told him to go home, pack his stuff, take the kids that look like him, and go start a new life. He said he couldn't do it, then asked if he could still have the money. We said no and everyone took back their cash. We tried.

slefain wrote: He said he couldn't do it, then asked if he could still have the money. We said no and everyone took back their cash.

that there is the funniest line in the thread so far.

One summer I had to drive about an hour to work each way, thankfully there were 5 of us to split the driving between. Each person would drive one day a week. Every time a particular member of our group would drive, I wasn't sure if I would make it to work or back home. She would always talk to the other people and would turn around to look at them while talking (what nice manners right?) and then we would hit the rumble strips. She would also sometimes stick her arms through the steering wheel and drive with her elbows. Then also throw a foot up on the dash next to her. While still talking and turning

Thinkkker wrote:

mndsm wrote: the office used to gather outside our cubes (we were housed next to each other) at about 10 to to get a good seat. My boss let them happen. He thought they were berkeleying hilarious.

Why did you stop there, I would like to read the recollection of these.

Let's see... I mean there isn't anything in particular about any of them that stood out, other than me grinding the whole blind love for Jesus into the dirt- without any thought. I have a problem with blind belief. No research but I'm wrong? I remember at one point asking her "So, you don't believe in something that there is proof of, and I mean PROOF of, 15 minutes from here (Science Museum of MN) but you believe in a book that is untold thousands of years old, has HUNDREDS of versions just in the English language alone, has been translated hundreds of thousands of times through innumerable dead languages, and isn't even WRITTEN by the guy it's "about?".....blindly? And you don't see the problem with this?" That one sort of set her on her ass.

Then there was the time she started berkeleying her best friends son on the side, with the excuse that her husband was an alcoholic and it was ok. No surprise that the son was a convicted felon, no job (lovely mobile home denizen, this one)and actually had an ACTIVE WARRANT. It was even LESS shocking when it turned out that he was an abusive dickhead, and when she moved out on her own for a "trial seperation" he moved in and promptly started beating her and making her buy him smokes and crap. All he did was sit and play Xbox. We actually convinced her to call 5-0 on him to remove him on that warrant (It was a bench warrant for some unpaid fine, so he was in the clink til he paid it.... you know the rest). Later I found out that AFTER he'd gotten out of jail, she shacked up with this lovely person again, her "friend" and this dude emptied all her bank accounts and left her for naught, and she tried to off herself. Twice. IIRC she actually has a TBI and may be permanently disabled at this point, but she's back with her husband (There's a certain group of people I keep on facebook for a VERY specific reason.... I like stories.)

OH! and then there was the time, I was sitting at my desk, reading the hooker ads in the City Pages (They were really funny. Like REALLY goddamn funny.) Suddenly I hear some slurred speech coming from the desk next to me. It's...you know who. The speech gets worse and worse and worse. I notify leadership, get someone else to grab her call, and take her off the phone. Turns out the dumbass was diabetic and had just mowed down a whole thing of chocolate. Yep, diabetic shock. This was a regular occurance until I left. One time, she actually fell out of her chair and hit the floor in shock, while trying to stay on a call. I would have felt bad if she had any semblence of intelligence, at all.

I had to look up what TBI was. All I could come up with was throttle body injection.

slowride wrote: I had to look up what TBI was. All I could come up with was throttle body injection.

I spent too many years in health insurance and now direct care. I know entirely too many acronyms that have dual meaning.

I worked with a guy who was originally from south Mississippi, and he retained his southern accent quite well. He was also rather rotund, and a fiery redhead. He even claimed to be Scottish and would wear his kilt on occasion(fortunately never at work, though he wore it into the office on his days off a couple times). We all nicknamed him "Fat Bastard".

He pretty much had the inability to control what came out of his mouth too - I remember multiple occasions where we would be in a customer's office and he'd make the most inappropriate comments to/about/in front of a female employee. How he never got a sexual-harassment suit thrown at him I have no idea...

One day he was working in the shop & a piece of equipment started beeping - similar to a large truck. Another coworker said "Look out! Fat Bastard is backing up".

This thread is fantastic. I work in mental health, and most of these stories fit right in.

None of my own that I can think of at the moment.

Dusterbd13 wrote: This thread is fantastic. I work in mental health, and most of these stories fit right in. None of my own that I can think of at the moment.

Did mental health claims for UHG for nearly a decade. Explains a lot about the carnival that we had.

I wish i could share more stories. Let's just say i work in the same sort of capacity mndsm did.

All of the people I've ever worked with seemed perfectly normal. But now that I think about it, they would occasionally give me these peculiar looks and ask me if I was crazy!

They probably tell stories about me. Like when I when to the store, bought a rotisserie chicken and just ate it at my desk. They also thought I was crazy for my motorcycle and car hobby and wanting to ride across the country, but thats the stuff that makes life interesting and not crazy at all here

Metal rectangular shaped garbage can similar to the one at your desk ends up in the men's room single stall we have and sits across from the toilet. Every week it gets filled to the top with crunched up and balled up paper towels.

Nobody wants to ask nor dig inside and a few of us have pointed it out to each other with questions as to who is filling the can every week and what might be going on.........

At one of my first jobs many years ago, just a day or two after starting I overheard my 2 managers talking. "What do you think about the new kid?" "Hard worker but not sure he's playing with a full deck"

Yeah, I'm that guy and I embrace it.

I had a contract job one time where the woman in the cube next to me would email about everything and wanted a return email. She preferred no face to face communication. If I stood up and spoke to her directly to answer a question or address a concern, I got confused and then somewhat irritated look in return. We sat 20 feet from the inside sales group. I could all the conversations from the sales reps (with each other and customers) grating on her nerves.

I felt sorry for her.