Inflation in the US is so bad right now that…
- My friend received a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
- Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
- McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
- Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
- Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
- A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico.
- The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
- I called a car dealer to get the book value on my used car. They asked if the gas tank was full or empty.
And finally...
- I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, social security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Afghanistan, and when I told them that I was suicidal, they all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck...
Why are there no pharmacies in Ethiopia???
Because it is ill advised to take medicine on an empty stomach
Paddy says to Mick – “I’m ready for a holiday, only this year I’m going to do it a bit different.
3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.
2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant.
Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.”
Mick asks – “So what are you going to do this year?.”
Paddy replies, -“ I’ll take her with me!”
Be patient, it's a visual joke:
We were at a wedding, the reception is winding down and 6 or 8 of us standing in a circle, everyone's jovial. Dave turned slightly and without being seen, slipped his right arm out of his jacket sleeve and lowered his zipper about an inch.
He tuned back to the group and carried on. A few minutes later he asks "Hey, ya know how a one arm man counts his change?"
Dave put his left hand into his pants pocket and pulled out some coins, then put the hand near the bottom of his zipper. Next thing; his right pointy finger pops out of the zipper and starts flicking through the money! Everyone cracked up, except his wife who belted him SO hard!
My son asked me why I make noises when I get out from under the car and stand up off the creeper.
I told him it's because I'm a groan man.
You'll need to log in to post.
