Last 12 months for me

On this day last year I told myself, "put yourself first. focus on your happiness". I immediately filed for divorce. Whew! Why is that so expensive and still costing me money? lol.

Throughout 2019 I have accomplished so much career wise and personally. I can honestly say other than when my son was born, this year has been the best year of my life. I truly have no regrets. I really appreciate everyone who has been there for me when I've been going through it.

- I am killing it at work and it's paying off very well. I finally feel like I'm actually making a difference in the Air Force now and I am living up to my potential and using my skills where they are most effective. I am loving it, for the first time after 12 years of service.

- I'm now a single dad. I am even more motivated to build be the best father I can. I feel like my son is happy and that he no longer lives in a house full of tension and anger. His behavior in school is so much better than last year and he's doing well academically. That is probably the greatest feeling, knowing you've made a positive affect on your child. Nothing has been more rewarding.

- I've caught the travel bug. Even though I have less income now than before. I have started traveling more and really pursuing experiences instead of material things. I really wish I started traveling more years ago.

- I cut out a lot of people from my life. Especially toxic people who didn't do anything but dwell in negativity and preferred to stay stagnant in life vs pursuing personal growth. "Friends" or family. It didn't matter you got axed! With that, I surrounded myself with people who put out positive and loving vibes. It's really helped me keep my head up and keep pushing forward.

- My girlfriend who has been the most amazing of friends before we became an item. She is just icing on the cake. I don't believe anyone can make you happy but I do believe there are people in your life that can enhance the already positive things like happiness. She is one of those people. There's no stress, no pressure, amazing communication, always having fun even when doing nothing, and she loves my son and he loves her. She supports me with no hesitation, she treats me as if I'm sort of king, she's encourages me to be a better version of myself everyday. I used to question if I deserved such a thing but I'm most grateful.

- Personally, I've learned to let go of things. I don't dwell on things or people who have hurt me or things that go wrong. Sometimes I berkeley up. Sometimes people berkeley up. I'm okay with both as long as it isn't malicious in intent. I'm pursuing things that I feel like will bring me happiness, will they pan out? Not everything but at least I'm pursuing it. I'm no longer okay with not taking a chance just because of certain circumstances. I've put off a lot of things in life for or because of other people, not anymore! I'm loving out loud. I don't care. If I'm happy I'll show it. If I love you, I will tell you (yes I love my GRM family). I learned that it's okay to put yourself first. Even if you have kids and/or a spouse. If you aren't able to take care of yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically then I don't see how you can do honest work towards helping others. Also, it will trickle down in a positive manner.

I just wanted to share that. I know a few GRM members here already know all of this. But, I want to type it out. I haven't been able to make it to the last 2 GRM Challenge events and probably wont make it to the next. Not because I don't want to but because I have so much going on. To be honest I forget I even have these projects and cars. I almost don't care about them anymore, they are just not as important as they used to be. I think in the past I always had a project car or four because it distracted me from some of the E36 M3tiness in life as an outlet. Now I don't need that outlet as much, I don't have the need to be distracted. Yes, I still have cars I want to buy or build but really I just want something I can enjoy as an experience vs feeling like work as a distraction!

So....Yup I did it!

In reply to yupididit :

i've heard "why is divorce so expensive?  because it's so valuable!"  congrats on the overwhelmingly positive changes!

Congrats. Don't get married again 

Congrats. The day my divorce was final a great weight was lifted off me. I'm totally into get rid of the negative in your life. 

It's funny. I never wanted a divorce. That was her call. Looking back now she did me a favor and a half. I was miserable and circling the drain, and I blamed it on a lot. She turned out to be a LARGE part of it. 

yupididit said:

- I've caught the travel bug. Even though I have less income now than before. I have started traveling more and really pursuing experiences instead of material things. I really wish I started traveling more years ago.

 

So....Yup I did it!

Congratulations man!

If you get to traveling anywhere near Vienna, Bratislava, or Budapest, be sure to give me a shout.  I've got a loaner car and a helmet with your name on it. Bedroom too, if you dont mind an air mattress. 

Divorce - split it all up 50/50.  
 

Reality - she gets 25%, he gets 25%, her lawyer gets 25%, and his lawyer gets 25%. 

Congratulations on getting to a better place mentally.  That's the biggest change you can make, we all have stuff in our lives but your perception of those wins or challenges is the only path to happiness.

First off, I have sincere admiration for couples that reach 25+ years together.  My parents were the textbook marriage and only because of death did they part.  I made it 12 years before I realized that the 12 year older me didn't mesh with the 12 year older her.  I hate the concept of divorce, but those of us that made the decision to endure short term suck for long-term betterment know it's worth it.  It makes me sad when I talk to friends and coworkers who clearly aren't happy but aren't doing anything to make it better.

Don't be afraid of Marriage 2.0.  I am now almost as long into #2 as #1 lasted.  By the time you reach mid 30's or later with a failed relationship behind you, as long as you are cautious I think you are in a great place to find someone to spend the second half of life with.  You've matured and know what you need and are less tolerant to put up with the bad and more likely to heed the warning signs.  It's funny when you get two people with a chance for a "do-over" and understand that things like being cheerleader for each other really are important and worth the effort.

Finding someone that makes you a better you is so important. I'm amazed at the number of people that stay together "for the kids," "until the kids grow up," etc. It's doing them no favors to be in a house full of resentment and anger. Good job fixing that, and good job doing so much growth in just one year.

I agree with your attitude 100%. The older you get, the shorter life seems, and it makes no sense to waste it on negativity or spend it on hold for someone or something else.

Hungary Bill said:

yupididit said:

- I've caught the travel bug. Even though I have less income now than before. I have started traveling more and really pursuing experiences instead of material things. I really wish I started traveling more years ago.

 

So....Yup I did it!

Congratulations man!

If you get to traveling anywhere near Vienna, Bratislava, or Budapest, be sure to give me a shout.  I've got a loaner car and a helmet with your name on it. Bedroom too, if you dont mind an air mattress. 

I may take you up on that if you're still there in 2021! My 2020 is booked already with Nov 2020-April 2021 blocked out for "official military travel"

dculberson said:

Finding someone that makes you a better you is so important. I'm amazed at the number of people that stay together "for the kids," "until the kids grow up," etc. It's doing them no favors to be in a house full of resentment and anger. Good job fixing that, and good job doing so much growth in just one year.

I agree with your attitude 100%. The older you get, the shorter life seems, and it makes no sense to waste it on negativity or spend it on hold for someone or something else.

Yes, I didnt want to fall into that trap of staying unhappy for my kid or until he grows up. On the negativity, I just thought back and tried to remember when any of that made my life better. It didn't so it/they had to go! I turned 30 in february and finally getting some idea of what I really want out of life, for now lmao

glueguy said:

First off, I have sincere admiration for couples that reach 25+ years together.  My parents were the textbook marriage and only because of death did they part.  I made it 12 years before I realized that the 12 year older me didn't mesh with the 12 year older her.  I hate the concept of divorce, but those of us that made the decision to endure short term suck for long-term betterment know it's worth it.  It makes me sad when I talk to friends and coworkers who clearly aren't happy but aren't doing anything to make it better.

Don't be afraid of Marriage 2.0.  I am now almost as long into #2 as #1 lasted.  By the time you reach mid 30's or later with a failed relationship behind you, as long as you are cautious I think you are in a great place to find someone to spend the second half of life with.  You've matured and know what you need and are less tolerant to put up with the bad and more likely to heed the warning signs.  It's funny when you get two people with a chance for a "do-over" and understand that things like being cheerleader for each other really are important and worth the effort.

 

Not afraid of getting married again but I'm definately looking at it through a more filtered and informed lense. My grand parents have been married for something like 50 years and I've learned a lot from them and my own failed marriage that I think the next go around will be better. But, hell you never know right? Life is fune lol

Thanks for sharing this. I'm happy for you, and you deserve it for yourself.

Congrats man,  good for you.

Good for you man. Sounds like a great year. IF you ever need an idea for travel just holler. I get all over this world. 

Congrats, thanks for writing this! I just went through a breakup (nowhere as big as a divorce) and am trying to keep it positive. Been starting to reach out to people to catch up and be a better person in general.

Congratulations!

Glad you have had a great year! :)

Apparently you are my yang...

Good job man, glad to hear it.

If you ever travel up to the left coast of Canuckistan, I'll give you the tour.

yupididit said:

Hungary Bill said:

yupididit said:

- I've caught the travel bug. Even though I have less income now than before. I have started traveling more and really pursuing experiences instead of material things. I really wish I started traveling more years ago.

 

So....Yup I did it!

Congratulations man!

If you get to traveling anywhere near Vienna, Bratislava, or Budapest, be sure to give me a shout.  I've got a loaner car and a helmet with your name on it. Bedroom too, if you dont mind an air mattress. 

I may take you up on that if you're still there in 2021! My 2020 is booked already with Nov 2020-April 2021 blocked out for "official military travel"

We definitely plan on it.  

If your military travels include Germany... well, you know.

Hungary Bill said:

yupididit said:

Hungary Bill said:

yupididit said:

- I've caught the travel bug. Even though I have less income now than before. I have started traveling more and really pursuing experiences instead of material things. I really wish I started traveling more years ago.

 

So....Yup I did it!

Congratulations man!

If you get to traveling anywhere near Vienna, Bratislava, or Budapest, be sure to give me a shout.  I've got a loaner car and a helmet with your name on it. Bedroom too, if you dont mind an air mattress. 

I may take you up on that if you're still there in 2021! My 2020 is booked already with Nov 2020-April 2021 blocked out for "official military travel"

We definitely plan on it.  

If your military travels include Germany... well, you know.

 

Nope, less friendly places lol

It's always good to hear when somebody is able to enact some positive changes in their life. Good to hear it's going well.