Boy-Spawn, aged 15, got himself a girlfriend on Sunday. I've got no problem with it at all, but I wasn't exactly expecting it. He knows most of what he has to, and I plan on filling him in on some of the finer points of dating now that it's topical.
Despite the happiness for him, it hit me how fast life is moving hit me a bit today.
Anyone else interested in exactly what details Boy-Spawn is going to get?
I'd much rather be the father of a 15 year old boy than a 15 year old girl...
In reply to Keith Tanner :
I suspect cleaning the shotguns on the front porch when she brings her boyfriend around will get the point across, but luckily I've got some time yet. Maybe follow up with a tour of the wall of angle grinders.
Keith Tanner said:Anyone else interested in exactly what details Boy-Spawn is going to get?
I'd much rather be the father of a 15 year old boy than a 15 year old girl...
QFT. telling your daughter that boys will say anything it takes to get some Bob Costas then brings your character (or at least the character of 15-year-old you) into question. plus, with boy you only worry about one penis. with girl you worry about *every* penis.
RevRico said:In reply to Keith Tanner :
I suspect cleaning the shotguns on the front porch when she brings her boyfriend around will get the point across, but luckily I've got some time yet. Maybe follow up with a tour of the wall of angle grinders.
Angle grinders! That's dark.
My farming grandfather tortured my mother by telling her he was going to ask one of her suitors about his intentions. The conversation was something along the lines of repeated questions like "Is your intention...to bring in the hay early this year? "
RevRico said:In reply to Keith Tanner :
I suspect cleaning the shotguns on the front porch when she brings her boyfriend around will get the point across, but luckily I've got some time yet. Maybe follow up with a tour of the wall of angle grinders.
"I have a pickup truck, a shovel, and an alibi," is what I always told the guy that was living with (and is now married to) my daughter.
He worked at our family machine shop before they were married, and when the day came that I actually got a pickup truck, I grabbed him by the wrist, while holding a shovel in my other hand. "You're coming with me," I barked, "[coworker], I've been here all day, Boy never showed up!"
He turned white. It turns out that my timing couldn't have been better. They had an argument the night before, and he slept on the couch. He thought my daughter told me about it, and seriously thought he was going to die.
Im not looking forward to the next 10 years with my daughter. Shes 10. Im gonna wind up in prison.....
You want to completely close off any conversation with your daughter? Because the shotgun joking is how that happens. 15 year old girls are people too, and they need solid fatherly advice just as much as the boys do.
In reply to mazdeuce - Seth :
Im honestly scared my daughter will go down the roads i walked between 15-24. I pray, and try to guide in such a way as to prevent that. Shes a smart kid, with the world ahead of her.
My folks say that she is just like i was at that age. Only with longer hair (mine didnt hit my shoulder till 19). And less patience.
You, having been the father of teenage daughter prior to me may be my support network. I got no idea what im doing.
In reply to Dusterbd13-michael :
If they won't talk to you then you have nothing. I watched my brother tell his daughter what she could do and then watched her have a baby at 19. You KNOW that you can't stop someone from being dumb, you can only help them learn how to evaluate the world and the people in it.
Right now I'm more worried about 11 year old girls than I am of Lil Stampie. I notice them checking him out and he's oblivious.
Dusterbd13-michael said:In reply to mazdeuce - Seth :
Im honestly scared my daughter will go down the roads i walked between 15-24. I pray, and try to guide in such a way as to prevent that. Shes a smart kid, with the world ahead of her.
My folks say that she is just like i was at that age. Only with longer hair (mine didnt hit my shoulder till 19). And less patience.
Pretty much exactly this. Plus I saw a lot, way more than I feel I should have honestly, of "good guys" and "nice boys" that parents loved but were disgusting pieces of rancid E36 M3 when parents weren't around.
If I could afford it, she'd be in a girls only boarding school somewhere. If she hates me for protecting her, so be it, but that seems to be a pretty standard part of life for teenagers. I don't trust people, I especially don't trust horny teenage boys, and I don't ever see that changing.
mazdeuce - Seth said:You want to completely close off any conversation with your daughter? Because the shotgun joking is how that happens. 15 year old girls are people too, and they need solid fatherly advice just as much as the boys do.
This. A lot of the comments in this thread seem very dumb.
mazdeuce - Seth said:You want to completely close off any conversation with your daughter? Because the shotgun joking is how that happens. 15 year old girls are people too, and they need solid fatherly advice just as much as the boys do.
Plus 1 doesn't begin to cover it. More importantly, boys need solid fatherly advice about how to treat women in a relationship, in public settings, on a date, in a movie theater, etc.
My dad was the master of this. When he first met my (now) brother in law, my dad was edging the metal tips on some home-made arrows. A year or so later, when the same brave/foolish (future) BIL came to ask if he could marry my sister, my dad was . . . I E36 M3 you not . . . filing an edge onto a home-made tomahawk. It was either an incredible coincidence, or some pretty masterful passive aggressive gamesmanship.
I think the "I prefer edged weapons" approach may work well on potential suitors. I've got two boys, so I'll probably never find out.
kazoospec said:My dad was the master of this. When he first met my (now) brother in law, my dad was edging the metal tips on some home-made arrows. A year or so later, when the same brave/foolish (future) BIL came to ask if he could marry my sister, my dad was . . . I E36 M3 you not . . . filing an edge onto a home-made tomahawk. It was either an incredible coincidence, or some pretty masterful passive aggressive gamesmanship.
I think the "I prefer edged weapons" approach may work well on potential suitors. I've got two boys, so I'll probably never find out.
You could always try the edged weapon thing on your own boys and save the girl's dad some effort?
My daughters had enough intelligence and self respect by the time dating came along that I needed to do nothing except listen and offer a shoulder. They always knew they could come home to Dad when they needed. That gives them the power they need to dump the guy who turns out to be a douche.
I think that the best thing one can do as a parent, regardless of their or their offspring's gender is to model appropriate, respectful behavior and keep and open dialog about what's appropriate and respectful.
If a girl knows, deep down, that her Dad thinks she's awesome, she'll have the discernment to choose somebody who's worth it and who agrees with her Dad that she's awesome. On her way to finding that person, she's entitled to kiss a few frogs who don't turn into royalty when kissed.
A radio DJ on a Christian station near Chicago told a story of his wife on the first date.
Her dad was waiting in the garage tinkering as he wanted to be the first one to meet him when he came over for the first date. They met and got past introductions and the dad said he has 3 things to discuss.
1. Have her home on time - we expect you to respect our curfew.
2. Treat her with respect and be a gentleman- she’s our precious daughter and we will be watching closely.
3. Move your car into the street as it’s leaking oil on my driveway.
ProDarwin said:mazdeuce - Seth said:You want to completely close off any conversation with your daughter? Because the shotgun joking is how that happens. 15 year old girls are people too, and they need solid fatherly advice just as much as the boys do.
This. A lot of the comments in this thread seem very dumb.
A lot of jokes in this thread are jokes.
Keith Tanner said:I'd much rather be the father of a 15 year old boy than a 15 year old girl...
I simply told both our daughters this:
Expect that every male “friend” of yours wants to have sex with you, or they’re gay. Yes, there may be exceptions, but they’ll be rare exceptions.
That was around the time they were 13-14. We also reinforced that when they were ready to have sex we’d put them on birth control, which happened for each of them during their junior year.
^ This^ I raised 2 daughters. Teens even if they respect you still think you don't know what it's like to be them in todays world. With the guys that came around for my oldest I managed to scare all of them, including one that said he wouldn't because his dad was the principal of the alternative high school (where the problems went) and was a tough guy. I was still in the army when he came around and dd#1 told me I scared him. Felt bad for one kid that came over all dressed up in a tux for the prom. He was visibly shaking. The dog we had at the time was a friendly lab mix that started running up to him, I stood up and yelled at the dog to stop and sit, which the dog did and the boy almost did too. 
Was very hard to not visibly laugh. Youngest daughter had to keep the guys out of the garage as all of them were car guys. She was into cars also. Tuners though. A couple of them used to come around when they knew she wasn't home just to hang in the garage and help me with my project car. One of them helped me put the engine in my Opel GT. Had to explain points to him though as he'd never seen them before. Both grown now for several years and have grandsons from the oldest. Her husband comes around a lot. The youngest is engaged and he's a car guy. Drag racer though.
It's been my goal to raise self-reliant kids who try to use their heads. I'll support them, try to help them learn from their mistakes and provide a stable, adult perspective they can tap into when they get overwhelmed. This is going to be the first real test for Boy-Spawn, and since he's my oldest, for me, too. I also have Girl-Spawn, who is 4 years younger. She's going to get a slightly different talk when it is time.
I may have forgotten a few, but the details boy spawn are going to get involve:
Mental maturity and the powerful nature of teenage emotions.
RE: Number one- when things don't make sense, talk about it. Talk to me if you want to, but certainly talk to HER.
You will make mistakes. It is expected. Try to make the mistakes small ones
This probably won't last forever. That's alright.
Your girlfriend will talk about you to her friends. Expect this. If she becomes your ex-girlfriend, leave her with very little bad to say about you.
Teen parents are real- you already know some (your grandparents).
Remember how we told you your body is yours when you were younger so you'd take care of it? Well, this now ties into a term called "Consent." (mostly a refresher)
You don't have to have a good memory if you tell the truth. (refresher)
You can tell me anything (refresher)
Peer pressure, drugs and alcohol (refresher)
And my favorite: Why you now need a job and have to stop being lazy.
As the step father to two girls (18 and 16) and father of a 17 yo boy and 14 yo daughters, this is my life right now. As I’ve told all of them, I remember (clearly) being their age and while I support their independence and understand their urges......I am NOT in the grandbaby raising business. So the step daughters are on the pill and the son knows to use protection each and every time. If it wouldn’t get me in trouble i’d put his GF on the pill as well.
TLDR: teenagers are raging hormone factories and the girls are as fertile as it’s possible to be. “Just say no” is the fast track to “change diaper” life. Taking an ounce of prevention is not just a good idea, it’s my law.
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