Man, I need a minute

Making a long story short, starting in early May I celebrated my Wife's Birthday, Mother's Day and my daughter's graduation from her Undergraduate and Master's Program. Right in the middle of this, my father passed away unexpectedly and the whole family got COVID. While dealing with funeral arrangements and grieving heavily, I quit my E36 M3ty job and accepted an offer for a new one. I had to take on a larger role in my family business as a landlord, with one property going vacant and needed work before being listed again, which I did. I celebrated my own Birthday and my daughter's birthday before finishing the renovations on my own house. I got the boat out of storage and on the water, and made an autocross or two. I am also dealing with my dog's heartworm treatment, did I mention that? My brother's family came back to town to see grandma, so we took them out on the boat and spent some time socializing.  My daughter accepted a job that relocated her to Washington DC, we we took a trip there to scout potential apartments and teach her the Metro. My wife and I took our son to a Soccer tournament last weekend, then I headed home to start my new job while they went to a rental cabin where I will meet them later in the week, after an SCCA Track Night of course. 

Keeping busy has helped keep my mind off losing Dad, but I miss him so much. 

Woof.  That's a lot to process.  Good luck.

I feel ya.  Back in May, over the course of 10 days.

Milwaukee =>Atlanta=>Austin, TX=>Minneapolis=>Milwaukee=>Detroit=>Memphis=>Atlanta=>Milwaukee=>Chicago=>Cleveland=>Livonia, MI=>Milwaukee.

That was a run.  Fortunately all good and easy but a lot of miles.  No family issues which would have compounded it.  

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Seriously.  That's just, a lot.  I hope you can find some time to just sit, rest, and do absolutely nothing for a spell soon.  Self-Care is not a made-up catchphrase.  

You may need more than a minute. 

I'm no head-shrinker, but they say grieving is a process.  Give yourself the time to sort out your feelings.  Staying so busy you "don't have time for it" won't be good for anyone.

1988RedT2 said:

Give yourself the time to sort out your feelings. 

^ This. Staying busy is good sometimes, but you have to give yourself time to feel the feelings, even if there's no "sorting out" and you just need to sit in your grief for a while.

One thing that has helped me since both of my grandfathers passed last year is hanging up more old family photos. I know it's probably overkill, but it's nice to be able to see their faces smiling at me most places I go. Looking at one on my desk as I type this now.

Like others have said, it takes time. My dad passed away in May six years ago between my two daughters' graduation ceremonies and some other stuff that was going on at the time. My mother had made a career of making herself helpless and letting my dad take care of literally everything, so when he passed, I had to take over everything for her along with funeral arrangements and my own life's stuff, including a job change.
 

I never had time to grieve until several years later, when it all suddenly and inconveniently came rushing out. So make time to grieve. Talk to your wife, a close friend, or a therapist, someone you trust to help you through the meltdown. It will get better over time but it will still hurt.

As weird as it is to say, be happy(?) that you recognize that you miss him and should grieve.  

I actually just lost my dad a week ago or so on father's day.  Due to the way we've been separated and out of communication for years, I haven't really felt anything.  He already exited my life once, ya know?  I still haven't figured out what that says about me that it didn't really affect my life at all.

Not trying to make it about me (sorry!), but just trying to give some perspective!

And as far as taking a minute, perhaps it's time to follow the old zen/meditation saying?  "Everyone should meditate for 20 minutes a day, unless you don't have time, in which case you should meditate for an hour."

Crap. That is a lot to process. But it sounds like you're coping. Good for you for coping and not folding. I'd say from here on things have to be a lot better. We're pulling for you. Best of luck.