marriage?

jrw1621 said: A non-running Supra is not reliable transport - sell it!

It doesn't run because I just put an engine in it, and I can't figure out the wiring...I suck at wiring...(someone help me!) its the project that is closest to done, and I am going to finish a project for the first time in my life DAMMIT!

In reply to Platinum90: Then calm down, sit down with a manual, follow the wiring diagram and finish the wiring. Do it one wire at a time, break down the job into steps, and you'll get it done. You'll feel better, and S/O will feel better about the entire situation. Were I not 600 miles north of you, I'd give you a hand. Just do it one wire at a time.

sorry if I sounded anything other than calm...I was doing okay until the Aspire broke down, now we have to share a car. I have been working on the Supra since January, and I am simply getting sick of it not running.

I appreciate everyone putting up with my ranting. I guess I should break down and get a decent setting sometime soon. Obviously I still need to get the car running and put new wheel bearings in her Saturn before we can even visit a jewelry store.

It seems like there is always something.

In reply to Platinum90: And there always will be something; are you sure you want to go into the world of writing advertising on a deadline? Not for the faint of heart. Don't worry about the rantings; better to vent here than at home or keep it all locked up, and then when S/O says "what are we having for dinner" you let her have it.

triumph5 said: are you sure you want to go into the world of writing advertising on a deadline?

It's what I have been planning for for the last 5 years. I actually thrive under deadlines. It is exciting, and I enjoy writing, so yeah, I am pretty sure.

triumph5 said: Don't worry about the rantings; better to vent here than at home or keep it all locked up, and then when S/O says "what are we having for dinner" you let her have it.

I am not one to "let her have it". Usually in our arguments, I am the rational one...

We have been dating since 16, and we have lived together for almost a year. I don't personally see what difference in our life that a ring would make. We wouldn't treat each other differently, and we wouldn't love each other more, and our lives would only change in that there would be one more bill to pay.

ddavidv wrote: .As for the ring, I'm surprised nobody has suggested shopping the pawn shops. They are a great source of jewelry at prices light years better than mall jewelers. Only pay cash for it.......

Quoted for truth. Big or many stones + new setting= mega bling@low price. Mrs.Mini and I exchanged gold bands. She waited 25 years, but I took some inherited rings and stones and we picked out a new setting. The scrapped gold almost paid for the new one. The result was a new ring that knocks your eyes out for very little money and a very happy Mrs.Mini.

Platinum90 wrote: We have been dating since 16, and we have lived together for almost a year. I don't personally see what difference in our life that a ring would make. We wouldn't treat each other differently, and we wouldn't love each other more, and our lives would only change in that there would be one more bill to pay.

It sounds like you would change nothing, but this may be something she just wants. I would hope that it is more for the sake to say "My Husband" more than to hold her hand out for "the rock". If you want to get married then look for a ring you can afford. You can always get something bigger, a add on, or whatever for a anniversary later. Even a gold band is a ring and you can get them cheap. They buy a setting and stone later. Just like a project car, buy small and build it as you go ;).

You're asking how to cook after you've already burned dinner.

Living together, and especially moving across the country, with someone who you're not married to is just doing E36 M3 backwards. That said, you are where you are. If you intend to stay together, then yes - pull the trigger.

DILYSI Dave wrote: You're asking how to cook after you've already burned dinner. Living together, and especially moving across the country with someone, who you're not married to is just doing E36 M3 backwards. That said, you are where you are. If you intend to stay together, then yes - pull the trigger.

That is the weird thing...I never really ASKED her to move in with me. I think it was just something that was implied. I already consider us married, without the paperwork.

If you want to stay with her, marry her. Make the commitment. It doesn't need to be a huge expensive wedding with a huge expensive ring. You can do it yourselves on a tight budget. And yes, it does change things - it makes a statement to her that you are in it for the long haul... which is maybe something she's looking for, given your track record with project cars.

I gave my wife a small, inexpensive sapphire engagement ring when we moved in together, and a simple gold band when we got married. Now, 20 years later, I'm shopping for the big rock to re-pledge my commitment to her.

Platinum90 wrote:

DILYSI Dave wrote: You're asking how to cook after you've already burned dinner. Living together, and especially moving across the country with someone, who you're not married to is just doing E36 M3 backwards. That said, you are where you are. If you intend to stay together, then yes - pull the trigger.

That is the weird thing...I never really ASKED her to move in with me. I think it was just something that was implied. I already consider us married, without the paperwork.

Marriage is not a "state" you just kind of fall into; it's an active project you both work on, all the time.

Sometimes it's damned hard work, too, and unless you are absolutely and fully committed to this person and KNOW that your life would not be complete without them, you won't be able to hang with the workload. And frankly, although you've cited plenty of "obvious" reasons why you're not ready for a ring, you missed the big one: You absolutely don't sound like a guy in love.

Margie

Platinum90 wrote:

DILYSI Dave wrote: You're asking how to cook after you've already burned dinner. Living together, and especially moving across the country with someone, who you're not married to is just doing E36 M3 backwards. That said, you are where you are. If you intend to stay together, then yes - pull the trigger.

That is the weird thing...I never really ASKED her to move in with me. I think it was just something that was implied. I already consider us married, without the paperwork.

At this point, it is NOT about how you feel......... You might consider yourself as married but obviously she doesn't.

Do the "right thing" if you want to keep her and if she's on the same page, the gesture will mean a lot more to her than the money.

Watch Blood Diamond with her and then go shopping for whatever she wants.

Platinum90 wrote: Priorities are setting in for me. 1. I obviously need to get one of my cars running so we at least have backup. The Supra is the closest to being done, and doesn't need any more money to be completed, it just needs to be done! (I hate automotive wiring, this is why I am not an engineer) 2. Back to school is where I am headed. It makes sense to me, because just like investing, if you get yourself ahead of the competition while the economy is bad, you are that much farther ahead when it rebounds. I am getting a certificate in advertising copywriting from a local school. 3. House. Renting doesn't make much sense...600 a month, for what? 4. then the ring.

The order we did it in was :

1 - Bought a car together.
2 - Bought a house together.

3 - Made it official years later.

YMMV, but if your relationship can survive living together, and the stresses of making major financial decisions together, then you are more committed to each other than a lot of people with a marriage under their belt.
Relax, I think if it's working for you two that's all that matters, regardless what all your friends are doing.

Most people do have it backwards in today's society. After 7 years, I would say it's time to make a decision. I made the mistake in the past of dating girls for years with not much intention on settling down and it wasn't fair for the both of us. I met a girl 2 years ago that I did not want to let get away, we got married 2 weeks ago. If you don't want her to get away and love her, do it. If after this long you can't, move on. I knew in my gut. Also, don't put trust in money and other things, they come and go. I'm old fashioned and have Christian faith so I know my beliefs aren't popular anymore today, but I know they are for the best. Oh, and don't be in a hurry for a house. Renting isn't always bad especially early in a marriage. We found that out. Less to worry about in the early stages. I wish you the best.

My $.25

Advertising: I have a bachelors degree in it (from what was, at the time, supposed to be one of the top schools in the country for it) and have never used it. It's a very, very, very, VERY small industry, and one of the ones that is first to get cut in times of recession. CEOs tend to go "pff, things are tough right now, what can I cut... ...oh, yeah, the AD BUDGET!" and folks/agencies get let go. Times are tough now. In '02 when I graduated, I got told over and over again "listen, kid, you're great and all, and we like your degree and your school portfolio, and you're clearly smart, but you're competing for jobs with folks who have ten years of experience and they will work for the same money as you because they are having to swallow their pride and pay the mortgage/grocery bill/keep the lights on..."

In other words, are you sure about advertising?

Last note by me- I know you have credit card debt and all, but if you're sure about the girl, you'd win huge points by liquidating a couple of your non-runner cars (maybe sell the Triumphs together?) and using the proceeds to fund a small engagement ring of some kind (non-diamond antique/ estate jewelry makes for some unique possibilities...) with a promise of a future upgrade if she wants it when/if you get financially stable.

Dave would say: Sell everything that's not bolted down, pay off debt, get better jobs

I say: Sell a couple cars, turn that money a little something to make a commitment to your mate (doesn't have to be a 4 carat solitaire, either), THEN follow Dave's plan.

Get that Supra wired and running, too- it's a liability if it doesn't run, and an asset if it is. You want to get rid of liabilities and increase your assets.

Some see the CZ way out as insincere. Your woman may prefer a small diamond to a CZ. Talk about it.

If you buy a diamond, buy it for cash. Scrape together what you can and go to Sam's Club or a pawn shop or wherever. You don't need any more debt.

I wouldn't be in a hurry to buy a house. Your rent sounds cheap enough, and it's close to work. Houses, in addition to debt, bring a host of other burdens. Plan to do it at a specific time in the future. Given current market conditions and interest rates, make it the near future. Concentrate on getting your credit score up now.

My .02. Good luck!

Lemme throw my wood nickel in too. It helps to know what your woman really wants too. I got incredibly lucky that my (now) wife wanted absolutely nothing traditional. She did NOT want a diamond, she did NOT want a big wedding. Lucky me. No kidding, I got out of my entire wedding/reception for less than a grand, including a party for ~300 people, a wedding dress, and the rings. We did a simple courthouse wedding, and had the reception at her parents farm. While I realize that I am excessively lucky in this respect (and considering both my ring and her dress were one off prototypes) you may not get this lucky. But you may be surprised.... most women I've spoken to are really pretty flexible about this kind of thing, as long as it's their day. Sit down with her, and ask her what her expectations are.

I have been living with SO for 16 years now, my advice might be different than what you are getting above. My SO might be different as well. Three dogs, no kids, makes it simpler that way.

We would pay more in taxes if we were married.

Duke said: which is maybe something she's looking for, given your track record with project cars.

That made me LOL. Thanks!

Margie is spot on.

I've got 25yrs with the Mrs. tjthom.

Trust me, marriage is much harder work than wiring the Supra. But the results are worth it, just like a "finished" project car. Your marriage will be the hardest, longest and most rewarding project you will ever take on. It will also never be complete, so get your head set for the greatest ride of your life.

Listen to the Ramsey-esqe disciples and make your money work for you.

You present your plan for making it all work and she'll love you even more. Better yet, get her involved in making that plan, and you two will become better together than ever. Nothing like sharing goals to make folks happy.

And when frustration mounts and maybe you slip a bit... we'll all be here for you to kick your rear bumper mounts back on track.

You know a ring suppose to cost 3 months salary right? What I find really weird is people who are not financially able to support a wife getting married. I would not get married if I were you until first, you can spend 3 months salary on a ring and Second you can afford a wedding and a 20% down payment on a house. . If this means you have to work 2 or 3 jobs at a time then that is what it means. Its called working for what you want. Also working 2 or 3 jobs gives you time decide if this is what you really want. So sell all your crap and pay off your debt. If you can't bring yourself to do that you are not even close to being ready to get married. Maybe I'm old school. Don't buy a CZ. You can tell the difference. So can all the people your wife comes into contact with. That would be embarrassing for not only her but you also. The ring, the marriage it's all about security. If you can't provide security for your future wife don't get married. Baring like a knocked up girlfriend and a shot gun wielding father.

This thread is a contrary view to that shared above. Its best to see the more common result of these sorts of endeavors.

Race car for sale

xd wrote: You know a ring suppose to cost 3 months salary right? What I find really weird is people who are not financially able to support a wife getting married. I would not get married if I were you until first, you can spend 3 months salary on a ring and Second you can afford a wedding and a 20% down payment on a house. . If this means you have to work 2 or 3 jobs at a time then that is what it means. Its called working for what you want. Also working 2 or 3 jobs gives you time decide if this is what you really want. So sell all your crap and pay off your debt. If you can't bring yourself to do that you are not even close to being ready to get married. Maybe I'm old school. Don't buy a CZ. You can tell the difference. So can all the people your wife comes into contact with. That would be embarrassing for not only her but you also. The ring, the marriage it's all about security. If you can't provide security for your future wife don't get married. Baring like a knocked up girlfriend and a shot gun wielding father.

God I hope I make more than 30$ a month... because my wife seriously was dead set on a REALLY thin gold band with a couple of small rubies that cost me 85$. I threatened her with big diamonds, and she gave me dirty looks. To this day no one has commented on her ring other than to say they love it because it's unique. Screw tradition, it costs too much.