I had good friends during high school who went through phases of serious self-destructive behavior due to depression. One of my best friends still has the scars on his arms. A girlfriend made suicide attempts (never completely went through; was happy to see her alive and well about 5 years back).
Condolences man. It sucks. It is truly senseless. There is no one to place blame on or things you could have done to figure out what happened or what anyone could have done to prevent it.
I am sorry for your loss.
I work in a high school. Kids today are amazing and well equipped for many things. Sometimes they need extra coaching but that's not a new thing. Kids need love, guidance, and a firm hand. They aren't "ruined", any more than I was, or you were.
Sadly, our society (and likely yours) doesn't do well with mental illness, especially in children.
no, mental illness still carries that Stigma. And that is a true shame.
I know I have my mental problems... most of them stem from my having crohnes disease.. but knowing that, I have worked around most of them.
And yes, I once did almost take my life
HappyAndy wrote: In reply to 914Driver: My sincere condolences to your friend and his family. I had something that I thought was profoundly insightful that I tried to write, but it was coming out too wordy and bit incoherent, so I'll try to distill it. When I was a teenager I took life way to seriously, and allowed things that seem quite trivial to me now to get me all twisted up for weeks, or even months at a time. Especially girls. I think that on the bell curve of teenage neurosis I was probably in the middle, meaning that there were lots and lots of teenagers further from grasping (the adult version of) reality than me. The two most valuable things that I learned were: 1) the 5 year test. In 5 years who will know or care about the traumatic situation that your experiencing now? Many teenage / young adult problems can't even pass a 1 year test. 2) Failure is an opportunity. Failure gives you chances to learn, grow, develop strength, experience and character, that success can't . Since we're all motor heads here, I'll use an illustration about life that we can all relate to; life is an endurance race, not a sprint. In fact its not just any endurance race, its the Paris to Dakar. You should expect to have all manner of break downs along the way. How you deal with those break downs is what will determine your success or failure. Getting to the finish line at all is a great accomplishment. .
as all the others have said ... thoughts, prayers, and condolences to you and all
one thing to remember is that this is a normal thing for teenagers ... EVERYTHING is OMG important to them ... how to get through those yrs is the problem .. ( there hasn't been a solution so far .. I don't see one on the horizon ) doesn't make it any less worrisome, or devastating while some kid is going through it ...
loving and involved ( I don't mean helicopter type ) parents can help .. but only if the symptoms are there to see .. sometimes they're not .. like I said no solutions on the horizon .. wish I had more
I am so sorry for your loss as well. It's truly awful to hear about things like this, and it continues to happen every day.
I have two nephews that I am really close with, a 10 year old and a 15 year old (I am the 15 year old's godfather as well). Both of them have had a rough upbringing and my sister has been a single mom since the older one was 6. The dad has been in the picture and out of the picture since they split, and he usually does more damage than good.
The 15 year old recently went through his 1st breakup and was not doing well. He had been with the girl for about 6 months, which is an eternity for a teen. If you recall my guitar build thread back in December, this was for him. I'm glad I did that, because I helped him to focus all his pain into playing. He is over it now, but it was rough for him. On top of the less than ideal home life, he was compounding a rough breakup on top of that. All he does now in his free time is practice that guitar every day until his fingers hurt. He shockingly just gave his Xbox 360 to his little brother so he would have more time to play the guitar. How many teens today would do that? 
Part of the issue is that kids today want instant gratification on everything. Nearly every kid has a computer, tablet, and/or smartphone to stay connected at all times. When situations arise, such as an old-fashioned break-up, they want instant relief from the pain. They don't understand that life doesn't work that way. Everyone goes through rough times, but there are people that don't know how to deal with it, and the current culture of instant gratification doesn't help. Having a hobby or two is a great way to get one's mind off of these things, but most kids don't have the patience for this stuff anymore.
If it wasn't for playing music and wrenching on cars, I would have been in a very dark place myself many times, and possibly have done something dumb. If you know someone like this, try and get them into a hobby. It has helped me, and I'm sure it has helped many others as well.
Datsun1500 wrote: It's not a religious thing, and it's not a new thing. Teen suicides have been happening forever. Sometimes it's depression, sometimes it's stupidity. Looking for an answer will just drive you crazy. It's just something that happens, and it sucks.
I'd agree with this one about it being nothing new - it kind of reminded me of Romeo and Juliet, the classic story of a (probably not entirely mentally healthy) boy who would rather take his own life if he can't be with a girl.
When I was in high school, two of my classmates took their own lives. I wasn't especially close friends with either of them, but it still hit me hard. I'm not sure what to say other than that you have my sympathy.
This is a terrible thing, but unfortunately it's nothing new. For instance Romeo and Juliet was about two teens who did the same thing.
Kids in the teen years have the double whammy of raging hormones which lead to them doing things that just don't make sense to an adult, that can lead to a real problem when confronted with the possibility of mental illness. Who's to say what's 'normal' teen angst or a symptom of a much deeper problem?
On top of that, they have not gained the experience to realize that yes it hurts like hell now but the sun will still rise in the east tomorrow. The bad part is that it's necessary to go through the hurt to gain that experience.
'Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.'
Growing up can be tough– I had a pretty horrible adolescence and can relate to his pain. So sorry to hear about this sad loss.
Yeah, I have to agree about this being nothing new. You just have easier access to the information these days, which is why it seems more common.
914 Driver, my condolences to your friend.
All I will add is something that the mother of a good friend kept telling us as teenager: "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"
That's helped me pass thru a lot.
Sorry for your lose and what the family is going through right now
914Driver wrote: It sounds like today kids are not equipped for failure, you get a trophy for showing up. A coworker coaches high school football; player gets an MVP (or equivalent) and some Dad calls the coach out, HIS kid deserves it. Rather than make a fuss, the second kid gets something.
While this is going to have MASSIVE implicaitons on society, I'm thinking more was at work in this situation.
It's also very difficult to explain/rationalize a situation that is completely irrational and inexplicable. 
The kid was feeling what he felt and at the time, it was the most intense thing he'd dealt with. We love VERY hard at that age--irrationally so. When it goes wrong (as it inevitably does), it's devastating.
I still think about the girl I was with at that age. It too went sour and it really imprinted on me. Thankfully, while I did want to depart the planet, I had a little foresight. That's that saddest part of this. He was 17 and had no idea what was in the works for him. Life changes so much and at that age, you can't wrap your head around it.
Very sad. Very sorry for the people involved. There's no positive spin that can be put on a situation like this.
again I have nothing to give but my condolences ...
one more thing that adds to the problems that "modern" kids run up against is the lack of ANY chance of failure as they grow up ... even as small as some of the failures that young kids can have would help, at least, a little as the age and the failures become, in their, eyes MUCH larger ... they don't have any thing to fall back on ....
The 15 year old recently went through his 1st breakup and was not doing well. He had been with the girl for about 6 months, which is an eternity for a teen. If you recall my guitar build thread back in December, this was for him. I'm glad I did that, because I helped him to focus all his pain into playing. He is over it now, but it was rough for him. On top of the less than ideal home life, he was compounding a rough breakup on top of that. All he does now in his free time is practice that guitar every day until his fingers hurt. He shockingly just gave his Xbox 360 to his little brother so he would have more time to play the guitar. How many teens today would do that?
That's great to hear. And good on you for encouraging that. Had my parents been more supportive of my playing music, I probably wouldn't have gotten into so much trouble!
In reply to wbjones:
We're seeing a shift from "helicopter parents" to "bulldozer parents"
http://krissygallagher.wordpress.com/tag/bulldozer-parents/
My impression of childhood now is:
Shuttle to bus stop. Pick up at bus stop, shuttle home. Shuttle to organized activity 1. Shuttle to organized activity 2. (Watch DVDs while being shuttled). Eat whole food organic free range free trade dinner (but only the stuff they like because fussy). Do homework for them. Put them to bed in room full of $25k of possessions. Repeat next day.
SilverFleet wrote: If it wasn't for playing music and wrenching on cars, I would have been in a very dark place myself many times, and possibly have done something dumb. If you know someone like this, try and get them into a hobby. It has helped me, and I'm sure it has helped many others as well.
This (wrenching/hobbies) got me through the loss of my father.
Also, many a great song has been written as the result of heartbreak. Sinking into an instrument is so healthy and constructive. It needs to be encouraged.
poopshovel wrote:The 15 year old recently went through his 1st breakup and was not doing well. He had been with the girl for about 6 months, which is an eternity for a teen. If you recall my guitar build thread back in December, this was for him. I'm glad I did that, because I helped him to focus all his pain into playing. He is over it now, but it was rough for him. On top of the less than ideal home life, he was compounding a rough breakup on top of that. All he does now in his free time is practice that guitar every day until his fingers hurt. He shockingly just gave his Xbox 360 to his little brother so he would have more time to play the guitar. How many teens today would do that?That's great to hear. And good on you for encouraging that. Had my parents been more supportive of my playing music, I probably wouldn't have gotten into so much trouble!
Yeah, he is a good kid. Over the weekend, he called me and said it was an emergency and was freaking out. I was in the car and about to start pointing the car in his house's direction and he then tells me that the guitar wasn't outputting sound anymore. That is the kind of emergency a kid should be having at this age, and even though he scared the crap out of me with the phone call at first, I talked him through how to fix the input (the retaining nut fell out and the input fell inside the guitar) and he was good.
I had a healthy discussion about Jimmy Page last night with him. That girl is way back in his rear-view now. 
one thing maybe not said yet..
peer pressure is huge if not everything to a teen
I have a keychain that holds many keys, it will not unlock the locks you have locked yourself. those keys belong to you.
When I was a bit down due to not knowing what to do with life, I ran as much as Forrest Gump. It's a great way to dissect thoughts. Usually, I forgot what was troubling me by the time I got back home, or I was so exhausted, it didn't really matter anymore.
Sorry for your loss.
gamby wrote:SilverFleet wrote: If it wasn't for playing music and wrenching on cars, I would have been in a very dark place myself many times, and possibly have done something dumb. If you know someone like this, try and get them into a hobby. It has helped me, and I'm sure it has helped many others as well.This (wrenching/hobbies) got me through the loss of my father. Also, many a great song has been written as the result of heartbreak. Sinking into an instrument is so healthy and constructive. It needs to be encouraged.
Plus it will help him get laid when he is actually an adult.
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