In reply to wae :
You should have known better.
When you feel a physical "click" in your head as you walk up to the house, realizing you need to shift personality... It's a profound moment that leads to living alone happily.
In reply to wae :
You should have known better.
When you feel a physical "click" in your head as you walk up to the house, realizing you need to shift personality... It's a profound moment that leads to living alone happily.
In reply to wae :
Ooof... I've seen variations on this far too often.
I chalk it up to the difference between Empathy and Symapthy; and (as a broad generalization) women tending to be more empathetic.
In simple terms - Empathy is feeling WITH and Sympathy is feeling FOR. So if you come to a female partner and express that you are feeling unhappy, stressed, and emotional, she will take on those same emotions in response, where a male friend is more likely to respond with a flat, "That sucks dude. Can I get you a beer or something?"
This leads to the frequent phenomenon of a man starting to express unhappiness to a female partner, her becoming upset, and him having to comfort her when he was the one who started out with the problem. As I describe it to my wife, "If I've got an emotional issue, especially one that relates to you, I need to plan to take time to help you feel better about me being sad, before I get any help."
The good thing is, it means she cares. She's just responding in an unhealthy way.
So, what to do about it?
I've made some headway on this in my relationship, but haven't made it go away entirely. I'm also fortunate that our lives relatively easy (no kids, no debt, and jobs that we can mostly leave at work), so we have lots of downtime to get through these things.
I started out by waiting until we had a good time where things were relaxed and neither of us were in the midst of something frustrating us. When I'm able to talk about the situation dispassionately. Then I described to her the situation of: "If I tell you something that makes me unhappy, you get unhappy in response. Then I have to spend time and effort to comfort you before anything can be done to comfort me, even though I'm the one who has the problem."
From there... it's a lot of work and coming back to it over and over.
Although my wife falls into that trap frequently, she's also very good at being able to look back in retrospect at her responses and behaviors and recognize what she had done, take responsibility, and then work to improve things. We love each other, make our relationship a priority, and she also wants to make it the best it can be.
Streetwiseguy said:In reply to wae :
You should have known better.
When you feel a physical "click" in your head as you walk up to the house, realizing you need to shift personality... It's a profound moment that leads to living alone happily.
Yeah, we have our bad moments - or days - but I've never felt that. Luckily.
In reply to Beer Baron :
Great insight. I think think is a pretty common problem.
Sand blaster can be so much fun!
I just don't understand people. I went to look at a camper that looked good in pics today. This was a $30k when it was new. It's only 5 years old. Now it's junk. Don't people care? All they had to do to keep it nice is clean it and wax it and do regular maintenance. We looked at 4 campers total and none of them were close to as nice as ours. It's like people just don't give a berkeley about anything.
I tweaked my back tightening a ratchet strap and now my weekend will be spent laying on a heating pad.
I hit my hand with a 4lb sledge and have a nice bruise. Owie.
Now I've replaced the ECU, crankshaft position sensor, ignition switch, battery, TIPM and FCM, and the berkeleying Jeep still has the problem with the engine cutting out after cumulative running for about 45-60 minutes.
Just a hickup where it cuts out, then normally recovers on its own. Sometimes just once, other times it happens several time. Still not certain if the drive was longer if it would get worse and eventually quit.
I'm probably going to be going to NYC at some point to stay with my MIL to share the load when she comes home from rehab following her bypass surgery. Right now I don't trust the jeep to drive there (3-1/2 hours), but also don't trust it to leave with my wife to get my younger son to hockey practice, snowboarding, her getting to work and other errands.
I'm going to try a camshaft sensor, otherwise I may eat the loss and trade it in on something with a warranty.
Obviously we all know about the issues of autocross sites. Our region has been blessed with a pretty decent site with management that is stable and friendly towards us, but we're always looking for different sites, just in case, or to expand or region's reach more. So last year the local community college approached us and wanted us to use their one parking lot. The lot was decent-sized, all the light poles are on the outer perimeter, the pavement was smooth and in good condition, and it had good visibility for spectators. We entered into talks with them and the deal they came up with was pretty good too; $10 of every entry would go towards the college's automotive program and we were free to keep all the rest of the entry fees. So it looked like a pretty profitable venture too. We ran an event there in early September last year, everyone liked the venue, even the kart drivers said the parking lot was smooth, so that gives you an idea how nice it was. We were supposed to run a Street Survival class there in late September, and we were all looking forward to going back there again this year.
Well, first the Street Survival class got scrapped, when the college told us that we would not be able to run any events when any students were present on campus. Okay, so now we're much more limited to when we can run events, and we were hoping we could draw in some of the students with a student discount on entry fees. Less than ideal, but still worth running an event or two in the summer.
Then we had our awards dinner this Saturday and I got talking to the region head and mentioned the college and he said we're probably done there. Apparently the campus safety guy said that since the highest speed roads on the campus are 30mph, and he heard that cars were doing about 50-55mph (still under recommended maximum speeds by the SCCA) on course at the last event, all future events there cannot exceed 30mph on course. And he has to be given all course designs ahead of time and sign off on them, despite having no experience with autocross.
Man I hate on demand water heaters, replaced my weird but awesome water heater with a cheap on demand to see if they are as bad as I thought.
Yep, as bad as I thought
I'm trying to get my mother to move out of a house that's way too big for her. We went and looked at a house on a lake (the ony place she'll move since she wants to waterski) and obviously the pictures looked great but it's owned by a guy who's in foreclosure, bankruptcy, (both himself and the "construction" company he operated) and hasn't paid a single mortgage payment in the two years he's lived there. The house was trash. There has never been a more apt use for the phrase, "lipstick on a pig". It was a beautiful house if you didn't look at anything for more than 2 seconds. Not a single board was straight, the ceiling sagged in multiple spots, the floor was spongy, the trim was bowed, the sheetrock was cracked and crooked. It was actually impressive how poorly this remodel was done. I think the worst part was him and his family were living there. And present during the walkthrough! It was awkward. In the 5 car garage was a brand new Land Rover Defender and a Mclaren 650s. This guy was a piece of work.
Antihero said:Man I hate on demand water heaters, replaced my weird but awesome water heater with a cheap on demand to see if they are as bad as I thought.
Yep, as bad as I thought
I have a gas fired Rennai that was about $1800-$2000 installed, 15 years ago.
It's been running flawlessly 24/7 since then, with minimal maintenance. It has never failed to keep up with demand, even when we had 2 teenage girls in the house.
Maybe 'cheap' is the problem, not 'on demand'.
For 20 years, our W2s were produced for us accurately and on time. Every. Single. Year. This year, we decided to save some money and use ADP for payroll and tax forms. I guess the company saved money, but we all get hassled because ADP managed to berkeley up all the W2s and corrected ones won't be issued until the 23rd. Way to go.
In reply to wae :
Wait, you get them? You don't HAVE to print them? For yourself ?
Duke said:Antihero said:Man I hate on demand water heaters, replaced my weird but awesome water heater with a cheap on demand to see if they are as bad as I thought.
Yep, as bad as I thought
I have a gas fired Rennai that was about $1800-$2000 installed, 15 years ago.
It's been running flawlessly 24/7 since then, with minimal maintenance. It has never failed to keep up with demand, even when we had 2 teenage girls in the house.
Maybe 'cheap' is the problem, not 'on demand'.
Everything I've heard is that you need a gas-fired one as the electric ones just cannot keep up...
wae said:For 20 years, our W2s were produced for us accurately and on time. Every. Single. Year. This year, we decided to save some money and use ADP for payroll and tax forms. I guess the company saved money, but we all get hassled because ADP managed to berkeley up all the W2s and corrected ones won't be issued until the 23rd. Way to go.
For 15 years, I got my W2s on March 31st.
Appleseed said:In reply to wae :
Wait, you get them? You don't HAVE to print them? For yourself ?
Actually, yeah, until we went with ADP they would mail them out. I don't mind having to download it myself and print it. I just would like for them to do it right the first time.
Duke said:Antihero said:Man I hate on demand water heaters, replaced my weird but awesome water heater with a cheap on demand to see if they are as bad as I thought.
Yep, as bad as I thought
I have a gas fired Rennai that was about $1800-$2000 installed, 15 years ago.
It's been running flawlessly 24/7 since then, with minimal maintenance. It has never failed to keep up with demand, even when we had 2 teenage girls in the house.
Maybe 'cheap' is the problem, not 'on demand'.
It definitely is to a certain extent but the main problem is how cold my well water comes in at. My cold water comes thru the tap at 34-38 degrees , raising it 75ish degrees is the hard part.
stanger_mussle (Supported by GRM undergarments) said:Duke said:In reply to stanger_mussle (Supported by GRM undergarments) :
Yeah, I used to have multifocal toric contacts. They were at least 3x the cost of regular contacts and had to get custom ordered with long lead time. They worked great until they didn't, and a couple years ago I gave up and went back to full time glasses.
I've been trying to get LASIK or PRK for the past 20 years. Either I was outside of the correctable range or my prescription changed too often. Technology has advanced to the point where they can correct my astigmatism but all the places I've had consultations with are leery of my vision changes.
I just want to be able to berkeleying see
Has anyone come up with a reason your vision is changing so often? Mine went to hell from about 13 to 25 years old, then more or less stabilized - all genetics as it turned out. Later, my optometrist told me he was concerned how rapidly my eyes were getting getting worse - 20/20 to 20/300 in less than 10 years
It seems really scary that you are experiencing these rapid changes in your 40s.
Is your primary care physician aware of this?
$3000 berkeleying dollars for a berkeleying biopsy? You better hope it's berkeleying cancer, because giving me 18 hours notice to find an entire months salary and finding NOTHING will leave you with an extremely enraged Rico to deal with(fair warning if it is, I WILL NOT do chemo, so don't even berkeleying try). Especially after last weeks 22 hours to find $400 for what amounted to be "yup, that's a lump in your thigh". No berkeleying E36 M3! Didn't cost me a berkeleying dime to tell you that, hell you could see it when I slid my jeans down.
Just tell me where to drop off a chunk of the lymph node, I'll carve it out myself and save a E36 M3 load of money. I can sew stitches, I have grain alcohol to sterilize a razor and my nerves.
Biopsy? I'm one in and two more to go today.
In reply to Peabody :
Core needle biopsy on my thigh tomorrow morning. I don't have a problem with it by itself as long as I don't have to watch, just raging at the short notice and frankly ridiculous pricing.
But I guess it comes with keeping our monthly insurance bill under $200/month for a family of 4.
Mostly I'm pissed nobody else has had anything done this year. Wife and kids have secondary insurance that somehow covers our deductible, no such luck for me.
Hooray for for profit healthcare.
RevRico said:In reply to Peabody :
Core needle biopsy on my thigh tomorrow morning.
I had three of those yesterday in my quads. Two in the right, one in the left. It was a slow walk downstairs this morning.
A couple years ago my employer went private in an acquisition by private equity. For over a year, I knew this was coming but this morning they announced that the deal is signed that our division of the company has been officially split off and sold to a different private equity fund or whatever. Fine, whatever, do what you're going to do, I just work here. But for the love of all that is holy, could we just skip the stupid "we're so excited" and "new chapter" and "you should all be so proud of what you've accomplished" word salads that are being delivered to my inbox? Look, you're excited because you got giant bonuses for closing the deal and you're investing part of your millions into the company. And I don't begrudge you that at all. But for the rest of us, we know what it means - you want to flip the employment structure from 80% US-based and 20% "global" to 20% US-based. You want to make the numbers look as good as you can so that you can sell us again in 5ish years and that might be to private equity again or it might be to a competitor. And we all know that it's way easier to whack headcount to make expenses lower than it is to have some sort of meteoric rise in sales to make the revenue grow. I'm perfectly willing to debate the merits of PE ownership, but just stop blowing smoke up my skirt. We're all adults here. We know why this was done and it doesn't have a damned single thing to do with trying to better serve our customers or improving the lives of our employees. Just admit that it's a big E36 M3 sandwich and we're all gonna have to take a bite.
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